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“O” Boy

| Seattle, WA, USA | Language & Words

(Our attraction includes both a restaurant and an observation area. The tickets going to the observation area are marked with an “O,” and it is up to the ushers to ensure guests are going to the right area. Usually an announcement to the guests in line about what the “O” on their ticket means is enough for most guests, but sometimes people aren’t paying attention or don’t speak English, so I always ask to see their tickets before they proceed to the restaurant.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your ticket has an “O” on it, so I’m going to need you to join this line.”

Guest: “What “O”? I don’t see an “O” anywhere!”

Me: *indicating the bright pink highlighter “O” written on her ticket* “That “O” there, ma’am.”

Guest: *condescending look* “That’s not an “O”; that’s a circle.”

(Best of luck to the two children she had with her.)

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Dishing The Dirt

| Jupiter, FL, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I’m walking outside for my lunch break when I see a lady on her knees feeling the ground in front of our steps.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, hi, I noticed you have this nice black volcanic sand here and I was wondering if there are any nearby beaches with it?”

Me: *trying to contain my laughter* “No, ma’am, that’s dirt.”

(She turned bright red, stood up, brushed off her hands, and walked away.)

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Dumb By Any Metric, Part 3

| VIC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Popular, Tourists/Travel

(I conduct tours for cruise ship passengers who’ve come ashore. Most of them are Americans, so as part of my tour, I give them a short lesson in the metric system.)

Me: “So, in Canada, we operate under the metric system. Our speed limits are measured in kilometres per hour, not miles per hour. For example, 80 kilometres per hour is around 50 miles per hour. Our temperature is measured in Celsius, not Fahrenheit. When we say it’s 20 degrees Celsius, that’s about the same as 70 degrees Fahrenheit. If we say it’s zero degrees Celsius, that’s 32 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Tourist: “What’s the population here?”

Me: “Our population is around 350,000 people.”

Tourist: “How many is that in REAL numbers?”

Related:
Dumb By Any Metric, Part 2
Dumb By Any Metric