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Some Use Slightly Less Than Others…

| USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

(I work in a dolphin education facility and it’s my job to answer any questions that guests have about our animals or about dolphins in general. Since the movie “Lucy” has come into theaters, I have been getting a lot of the following:)

Guest: “Is it true that dolphins use 20% of their brain? Humans only use 10%!”

Me: “That is a common myth, but actually both species use 100% of our brains. They are comprised of different areas for different functions so it’s hard to compare them anyhow.”

Guest: “But they are so much smarter; they must use 20%!”

Me: “While intelligence can be debated, I assure you that all animals use 100% of their brains.”

Guest: “Well, how can you know?”

Me: “If we only used 10 or even 20% of our brains we’d be completely non-responsive… or dead…”

(Because if you heard it in a movie it MUST be true!)

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Toddlers Can Be Terrifying

| USA | Family & Kids

(I work at a pretty popular haunted house in my town, and I’m outside on my break, near the entrance line.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely.”

Customer: “What’s your age limit here?”

Me: “I don’t believe we have a technical age limit, but we don’t recommend anyone under the age of 10 or so.”

Customer: “Well, would it be all right if I brought in my son? He’s ten months old.”

Me: “Uh, ma’am… I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that would be a good idea. The house can be pretty intense, and your son being as young as he is, he would probably cause a fuss and disturb the other walkers and the actors.”

Customer: “But he’s, like, really brave.”

Me: “Believe me, I don’t think it’s a good idea. He’ll be terrified.”

Customer: “Okay, then. Thanks!”

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If You Don’t Listen You Can Go Swim With The Fishes

, | England, UK | Money, Pets & Animals, Popular, Tourists/Travel

(We decide to have a day at the beach with our children. They are both being so well behaved we decide to go to the Sea Life Centre despite it being known as an expensive attraction.)

Customer: “How much are tickets?”

Cashier: “All prices are on the board to your left, but I can see that there are three of you so that would be £41. However, if you—”

Customer: “What?! That is ridiculous! How can you charge so much?”

Cashier: “Well, we operate a sea life hospital. Part of the ticket price goes to helping injured animals and releasing them back to the wild.”

Customer: “I am not paying that! Come on, we are leaving. What a rip off!”

Me: “Er… four, please.”

Cashier: “Great, thank you, that will be £55. But if you head over to the supermarket they will give you 40% off.”

Me: “Great! Thank you!”

(I dash over to the supermarket and pick up a voucher, I see the family still outside when I return but they are too busy shouting at each other to let me offer them a voucher. We ended up having a great time.)

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“O” Boy

| Seattle, WA, USA | Language & Words

(Our attraction includes both a restaurant and an observation area. The tickets going to the observation area are marked with an “O,” and it is up to the ushers to ensure guests are going to the right area. Usually an announcement to the guests in line about what the “O” on their ticket means is enough for most guests, but sometimes people aren’t paying attention or don’t speak English, so I always ask to see their tickets before they proceed to the restaurant.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but your ticket has an “O” on it, so I’m going to need you to join this line.”

Guest: “What “O”? I don’t see an “O” anywhere!”

Me: *indicating the bright pink highlighter “O” written on her ticket* “That “O” there, ma’am.”

Guest: *condescending look* “That’s not an “O”; that’s a circle.”

(Best of luck to the two children she had with her.)

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Dishing The Dirt

| Jupiter, FL, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I’m walking outside for my lunch break when I see a lady on her knees feeling the ground in front of our steps.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, hi, I noticed you have this nice black volcanic sand here and I was wondering if there are any nearby beaches with it?”

Me: *trying to contain my laughter* “No, ma’am, that’s dirt.”

(She turned bright red, stood up, brushed off her hands, and walked away.)

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