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Dishing The Dirt

| Jupiter, FL, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I’m walking outside for my lunch break when I see a lady on her knees feeling the ground in front of our steps.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, hi, I noticed you have this nice black volcanic sand here and I was wondering if there are any nearby beaches with it?”

Me: *trying to contain my laughter* “No, ma’am, that’s dirt.”

(She turned bright red, stood up, brushed off her hands, and walked away.)

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Dumb By Any Metric, Part 3

| VIC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Popular, Tourists/Travel

(I conduct tours for cruise ship passengers who’ve come ashore. Most of them are Americans, so as part of my tour, I give them a short lesson in the metric system.)

Me: “So, in Canada, we operate under the metric system. Our speed limits are measured in kilometres per hour, not miles per hour. For example, 80 kilometres per hour is around 50 miles per hour. Our temperature is measured in Celsius, not Fahrenheit. When we say it’s 20 degrees Celsius, that’s about the same as 70 degrees Fahrenheit. If we say it’s zero degrees Celsius, that’s 32 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Tourist: “What’s the population here?”

Me: “Our population is around 350,000 people.”

Tourist: “How many is that in REAL numbers?”

Related:
Dumb By Any Metric, Part 2
Dumb By Any Metric

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Literally Expecting You To Move Mountains

| Haines, AK, USA | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

(I am picking up a new set of tourists from the docks to take on a walking tour and notice one standing off to one side staring out across the water at a rather impressive mountain range.)

Me: “Pretty great view, huh?”

Tourist: “Well, it WOULD be if you got rid of those mountains.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Tourist: “Seriously, have you spoken to anyone about it? They really block the view.”

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