While on a cruise, I book a tour of a historic site. After everyone boards the bus, the tour guide tells us that in his country it is required by law to wear seat belts. We buckle up and he checks to make sure we are all wearing the belts. One tourist near me has decided not to wear his.

Guide: “You need to buckle your seat belt.”

Tourist: “I am not wearing the belt.”

Guide: “Maybe you misunderstand me. It isn’t the cruise line recommending you wear your seat belt or the tour company recommending you wear the seat belt. It is the law of my country. I am not asking you to wear it; I am saying you have to.”

Tourist: “No, I’m not using the belt. I don’t want to.”

Guide: “Our driver cannot legally go on the roads if anyone doesn’t have the belt on, so you have two options. You can either buckle up and come see the ruins with us, or you can get off the bus and stay at the port. Your choice.”

Tourist: “I don’t have to wear a seat belt in my home country, so I’m not going to wear one here.”

 Guide: “Are we in your home country?”

Tourist: “No.”

Guide: “Then your country’s laws don’t apply here. Either buckle up or get off the bus.”

The man did buckle up, but he spent the whole ride talking angrily with his wife. I don’t know what exactly he was saying as it was in a different language, but the tourist got increasingly louder as the trip went on. He was so angry that, once we got to the site, he didn’t go on the tour; he just sat at the entrance.

His wife came with us on the tour, though, and she seemed like she had a great time. It’s a shame he ruined his day over a little safety thing like a seat belt.

If you thought this tourist was bad check out these 13 Cringeworthy True Stories About Tourists Who Have Absolutely No Clue!

I work at a historic site that talks about colonial America. The group I am giving a tour to has one particular family who I believe is still alive due to sheer dumb luck. At various times on the tour:

Father: “Did they have women back then?”

Mother: “Did they have meat back then?”

Teenager: “Wow! I didn’t know they had rocks then!”

While on vacation, I sign up for a walking tour of Dublin. The tour assembles at a designated meeting spot, and the tour guide spends some time chatting with people as they arrive. The majority of us are from the United States, with a few English and Canadian tourists, as well. When it’s time to get started, the guide gives a brief introduction on what we can expect, where we’re going, etc.

Guide: “And now, a bit about safety. We’re going to be crossing the road, and if you’ve been here for a few days, I’m sure you’ve noticed that we Irish… don’t care. We cross whenever we feel like it. We stare down the cars and say, ‘Go on, buddy, I dare you.’ But with a big group like this, we’re going to be safe. We’re not going to cross when the red man is showing, all right? We’re going to wait until we see the green man. And when you see the yellow man…”

Half The Group: “Run!”

The guide laughs.

Guide: “Americans! It’s always the Americans! No, there are a lot of us, and we don’t want anyone to get separated or hit by a car. If we see the yellow man, we’re going to stop and wait for him to turn green.”

Tourist: “Well, hey, you can’t blame us for crossing on yellow when you just said that y’all cross on red.”

Guide: “…Fair play. You’ve got me there.”

I live in a flat right by a Canterbury tourist attraction: a medieval gateway that’s the largest of its kind in the country. It’s a frequent stop for guided tours of the city. I work from home and, as such, get to hear a lot of facts about the gateway as the guides talk to their groups.

One summer, I have the window wide open when I hear this.

Guide: “And this gateway was paid for by a man called…”

He dries up, leaving an awkward pause. I decide to help the poor guy out and yell out of my window:

Me: “Simon Sudbury, 1380!”

He looked around, surprised, trying to work out where my voice was coming from. He didn’t look up and see me, however. After a pause, he called out, “Thanks!” and continued with the rest of his spiel.

As a volunteer tour guide elsewhere in Canterbury, I know what it’s like to suddenly forget a name in a speech you’ve done hundreds of times. I just hope the poor man wasn’t too confused by the “helpful ghost” and got the rest of his tour done smoothly!

I am a guide on a tour bus company in Washington, DC. We are driving past the Washington Monument.

Tourist: “How do they get all the flags to fly in the same direction?”