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No One Insults Quite Like The French, Part 2

, , , , , | Friendly | March 17, 2018

(I am a Canadian on a tour of a plantation house in Louisiana. There is a man on the tour who keeps interrupting the guide with questions that are actually designed to show off his knowledge. The guide just gets a rousing story going and the man cuts him off, ruining the pace and throwing off the guide. Four rooms in, and this interrupter will not stop. Even his wife is uncomfortable with his actions.)

Guide: *low, under his breath, in French* “Oh, my God. Shut up.”

(I gasp, and he looks at me with an expression that says he’s even more shocked than I am.)

Guide: “Oh. Oh! You’re Canadian!’

(He knows this because he asked where everyone was from at the beginning of the tour.)

Me: *in French* “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”

(No one else knew what was going on for this tiny exchange, so we continued — the interrupter still showing off as best he could — but there was some French thrown in for me after some of the halting stories were done.)

Related:
No One Insults Quite Like The French

Can’t Bridge That Knowledge Gap

, , , , , | Learning | January 24, 2017

(Our high school orchestra is on a trip to New York City and the teacher has hired a woman to point out information and facts about certain landmarks for the educational aspect of it. At this point, she is talking about the Brooklyn Bridge.)

Tour Guide: “John Roebling was one of the lead architects on the Brooklyn Bridge but for the life of me I can’t remember where he was from.”

Almost Every Student On The Bus: “Saxonburg!”

Tour Guide: “No, that’s not right. Oh, well, moving on…” *rambles on about something else*

(Our school is from Saxonburg and we literally have a park named after Roebling with a little Brooklyn Bridge model in the park.)


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One Is Not Impressed

, | Friendly | September 4, 2015

(On a tour bus going north from Cairns, I sit near the driver who has a hands free microphone on to talk to passengers and gives information about the places we are passing. I am Irish and most passengers are British/Japanese.)

Driver: “Can anyone tell me what animal is featured on Australian currency?”

Me: *quietly to my Friend* “The Queen?”

Driver: *through the microphone* “No, [My Name], the Queen is not an animal!”

(The British passengers were not impressed with me!)

Needlessly Lost In Translation

, | Friendly | July 7, 2015

(My friend and I are from Singapore on a holiday in UK. We are on a tour bus and the tour leader is getting everyone to introduce themselves. Note: We speak English as our first language, and Mandarin as our second. We have never learnt Malay and do not speak it.)

Tour Leader: “So, where are you from?”

Friend & Me: “Singapore.”

Tour Leader: “So, what language do you speak?”

Friend & Me: “English.”

Tour Leader: “I mean, what language do you speak there?”

Me: “English? Like the language I’m speaking now?”

Tour Leader: “No, no, what language do you speak there?”

Friend: “Well, we have four official languages. English, Malay—”

Tour Leader: “Yes! It’s not English! You speak Malay!”

Making A Moat Point

| Right | January 21, 2014

(I am a tour guide at a medieval castle. The moat to this particular castle was filled by diverting a channel of the river that runs directly past. We’re standing beside a large model of how the entire area looked in 1754 AD.)

Tourist: “So, ma’am, how did they fill the moat?”

Me: “Well as you can see here, a channel was dug to divert the water into the man-made moat.”

Tourist: “So, how did they FILL the moat?”

Me: “Um… With water from the river, flowing into the ditch. The ground could get pretty waterlogged but that worked as extra defense in times of siege.”

Tourist: “Yes, but how did they get the water from the river INTO the moat?”

Me: “Er… They used a bucket chain?”

Tourist: “Ahh, I see. Thanks!”