When You’re This Stupid You Have Nothing Toulouse

| Right | March 17, 2010

Customer: “I need to change my currency before I get on the train to Paris.”

Me: “Okay, sir. There is a Bureau De Change just over there where you can purchase your Euros.”

Customer: “What? I already have Euros. I need to get some Francs.”

Me: “Sir, they only accept Euros in France now. You will not need Francs.”

Customer: “OK whatever. Next question: how do I get to France from Paris?”

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Double Your Solar, Double Your Fun

, , , , , | Right | June 19, 2009

(I had a job on a boat, taking tourists out to sea so they could take really nice pictures of the midnight sun. One day, one of the tourists came up to me.)

Me: “What do you think of the midnight sun?”

Tourist: “Yeah, it’s really nice, but tell me one thing. On the map of our solar system, where is the midnight sun located?”

Me: “Er… the sun?”

Tourist: “No! I know where the sun is, but where is the midnight sun?”

Me: “The midnight sun and the sun are exactly the same, but when you are as far north as you are now, and since it’s summer, the sun never sets.”

Tourist: “WHAT THE F***?! I’m gonna sue your sorry a** for false advertisement! I didn’t come all the way from the US to watch the sun I have back home! *storms away*

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Must Be From Orange County

, | Right | April 15, 2008

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “What time does the island close?”

Me: “Close? It doesn’t close. It isn’t like Disneyland, sir. People live here.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I’ve been walking around, and those houses are too small for anyone to live in.”

Me: “Sir, I live in one of those houses.”

Customer’s Wife: “No, honey, she can’t break character.” *winks at me* “I get it.”

Customer: “But really, when do you close?”

Me: “I’m not ‘in character.’ This is an actual town, with actual people living in it. It doesn’t close.”

Customer’s Wife: “Don’t treat us like we’re children. Just tell us when.”

Me: *sigh* “Five o’clock, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

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Bird Brained, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 13, 2008

(I had just finished giving a 45-minute tour about a certain “mysterious” spot that causes people to supposedly feel dizzy and stand at strange angles.)

Tourist: “So do the birds feel the effects of the mystery?”

Me: “Well they don’t appear to fly funny, but it’s possible.”

Tourist: “…but do they FEEL the effects?”

Me: “Well, I don’t really know because I can’t exactly ask them how they feel. They are birds.”

Tourist: “I just wanna know if they feel the effects!”

Me: “Hold on, I’ll go ask them.” *walks away*

 

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Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living

| Right | March 31, 2008

Tourist: “I saw a sign that said historic downtown, what’s down there?”

(To the best of my knowledge, no such sign exists so I’m already confused.)

Me: “Uh, a few churches and shops.”

Tourist: “Oh, how do I get to the lighthouse?”

Me: “You go through downtown.”

Tourist: “I don’t want to go through downtown!”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s how you get there.”

Tourist: “Is there another way to get there?”

Annoyed coworker: “You could fly there on your broom!”

(The tourist looks shocked and storms out.)

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