Disproportionately Cents-less

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2018

(I am the manager of a chain bookstore location. Customers who purchase items on our website can return online purchases to any store location; we simply enter the order number into the register and the computer takes care of the rest by processing the refund amount to the original method of payment — credit card, gift card, etc. The customer gets a print-out to show that the return has been processed. On this particular day, I am on the floor when a cashier at the cash desk has just processed an online return for a customer.)

Cashier: “[My Name], can you help out with this?”

(I approach the cash desk.)

Me: “What can I help with?”

Customer: “I returned this online order, but the computer isn’t refunding the correct amount!”

(I look at the return print-out and see that the original purchase was $53.21, and the refund amount processed is $53.20. Starting to wonder if the customer is really upset over a difference of ONE CENT, I speak with the customer.)

Me: “I apologize. The computer must have rounded off the tax differently when it did the original purchase to when it calculated the refund amount.”

Customer: “So? It charged the one cent to my credit card! What are you going to do about it?!”

(Canada stopped using pennies a few years ago, so now our lowest coin in circulation is five cents. Realizing it’s pointless to even begin to argue with a customer over ONE CENT, I open the till and give the customer a nickel.)

Me: “Here’s five cents.”

Customer: *suddenly happy* “Thank you!” *she walks off*

(Over 15 years in retail and over five years as a manager, and that was the first time I ever had somebody upset over ONE PENNY!)

Sausage Fe(a)st

, , , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I work in a butcher’s shop.)

Customer: “Do you have… It’s like a dog. But not a dog. It’s chicken!”

Coworker: “…?”

Customer: “It’s long!”

Coworker: *pauses to think* “Chicken sausage?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Analogies Stick Around After Dessert

, , , , , , | Related | March 27, 2018

Years ago, when I first started dating my now-husband, we were together with his kids: a five-year-old daughter and a seven-year-old son. I don’t know how this conversation got started, but we were discussing relationships boundaries. As far as “looking” went, I said that my philosophy with my significant other was, “It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite from, as long as you come home for dinner,” meaning that I can’t stop them from “looking,” but it is not something that I am insecure about. I didn’t even think about the kids being there, figuring they wouldn’t understand what I was talking about.

Wrong!

Months later, we were all in the car driving somewhere. While stopped at a light, I noticed a nice-looking guy walking by and started checking him out — not ogling or drooling, just looking — when suddenly from the back seat, his daughter screamed out, “[MY NAME], STOP CHECKING OUT THE MENU!”

I laughed so hard, then. Thirteen years later, I still kid her about it.

There… Were… Four… Rings!

, , , | Right | March 19, 2018

(I work at a small coffee shop that opens at five am. As the head baker on staff, I come in at three am to bake and decorate all the pastries and food my assistants prep the night before. There are no baristas in the building until at least four-thirty. At around four am, the phone starts to ring while I’m dipping donuts in chocolate, so I have to take a moment to wash my hands off before picking up the phone.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *literally screeching into the phone* “IT TOOK FOUR EFFING RINGS FOR YOU TO PICK UP THE PHONE!”

Me: *slightly taken aback, I don’t do much work with customers so this hasn’t happened to me before* “Well, I’m sorry, but—”

Customer: “STOP MAKING EXCUSES! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME WAIT SO LONG?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!”

Me: “Is there something I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “IN WHAT WORLD IS IT ACCEPTABLE FOR YOU TO DO THAT TO SOMEBODY?!”

(I am getting frustrated and want to bash my face against a wall.)

Me: “Sir, if you can’t tell me what you want, then I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to wish you a good morning and end this conversation.”

Customer: “OH, SO, NOW YOU’RE TRYING TO GET RID OF ME?!”

Me: “Yes.” *hangs up, knowing I’m about to say something super rude, otherwise*

(Not even a minute went by and I heard banging on the front door, so I peeked out the little pass-through window to the front, knowing it was too early for it to be a barista. Pounding on the glass and yelling with a very familiar voice was the man from the phone. He stood there screaming that I needed to let in paying customers, that he knew people were there, and that he demanded to be let in. I texted the store owner, who got there with the police fifteen minutes later and banned him from the property.)

Unfiltered Story #107391

, , | Unfiltered | March 18, 2018

I use to work at a civil division court office and still remember this incident:

PLAINTIFF: *Explains backstory as to what brought him there* I want to sue for an apology.

ME: I’m sorry sir, but you cannot sue for an apology. You can only sue for a monetary value.

PLAINTIFF: But I don’t want any money, I only want an apology!!

ME: Again sir, you cannot sue for an apology, you have to determine a dollar amount and sue for that.

*back and forth I don’t know how many times until finally…*

PLAINTIFF: FINE! I will sue him for ONE DOLLAR.

ME: Ok good. Now, if I can just get you…..

PLAINTIFF: AND AN APOLOGY!!!!!

*headdesk*

He did actually pay $25 to file a claim for $1. He and the Defendant ended up settling out of court but I was not privy to those proceedings so I’ve always wondered if the Plaintiff did in fact get his apology.

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