Double Double Trouble

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2019

(I work at a popular Canadian coffee chain, largely credited for coining the term “double double,” and we get a lot of foreign tourists or immigrants who aren’t familiar with the menu.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want a double double, medium size, one milk, three sugars.”

(We’re actually quite used to this happening, as some people seem to think “double double” is the name of our coffee. We’re encouraged to gently educate people unaware that it’s not.)

Me: “Oh, sir, a double double is actually just a phrase that means two creams and two sugars. For future reference, just order a medium one milk three sugars to avoid confusion!”

Customer: “No, I want a double double.”

Me: “So… you want one coffee double double, one milk three sugars?”

Customer: “No, double double! One double double!”

Me: “O… kay.”

(I proceeded to tell the coworker making my orders — who was at this point quite confused — the customer’s actual order. The customer got the coffee and paid the total, and then left with some angry-sounding muttering and a harsh glare. My supervisor who happens to speak the language the man was muttering in informed me he’d just called me a useless b****. Ah, people.)

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You Can’t Be Trucking Serious  

, , , , | Right | August 24, 2019

(In the early 2000s, I work as a cashier for a beer retailer. As you would expect, we have a good mix of customers, some friendly, some not so much. It is about five minutes to close when a customer shows up. There is only one person working besides me.)

Customer: “Give me [beer order].”

([Coworker] goes to get the order.)

Me: “Your total comes to [total].”

Customer: “Oh, s***! I forgot my wallet at home. Stay open until I get back!”

Me: “Sir, we close in five minutes. I can’t promise we’ll be open.”

Customer: “You stay open or I’ll drive my f****** truck through the window!”

(Ten minutes later, he comes back. We haven’t closed off the till yet, so we let him back in to buy his beer.)

Me: “Sir, we’re just part-time employees doing our jobs. There’s no need to threaten us.”

Customer: “Have you heard about the bank robberies in the neighbourhood?”

(There have been two or three bank robberies in the area in the past few months.)

Me: “Yeah…”

Customer: “Maybe you’ll be next!”

(With that, I typed up a report of what had happened, which both my coworker and I signed, and left it for the store supervisor. We also included the guy’s license plate number, which the store supervisor included in his police report the next morning. The customer was banned for life when he next returned.)

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Kids Can Be An Earful

, , , , , | Healthy | August 18, 2019

(A mother and her eight-year-old come into the clinic. She says the kid was using the end of a pencil to scratch his ear the previous day and the eraser came off and he accidentally pushed it in while trying to get it out. She can’t get it with tweezers. I flush the ear to remove the eraser and notice a few things.)

Me: “There are clear signs of a swimmer’s ear infection. Fluid has been trapped behind that eraser for a lot longer than a few hours. The eraser would also not nearly be this… encrusted… after such a short time.”

Mother: “[Son] only told me about it yesterday. He said it had just happened. [Son], when did the eraser get stuck in your ear?”

(We both eye the child. He fidgets for a few moments before…)

Son: “Christmas break.”

(This is in MARCH!)

Mother: “What?! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Son: *defiantly* “Well, it only hurt if I touched it and I don’t sleep on that side!”

(Kid logic is my job security.)

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Unfiltered Story #159839

, , , , | Unfiltered | July 31, 2019

I was filling in at a reception desk in a municipal government building when a gentleman stepped off the elevator and approached me.

Me: Hi, can I help you find something?
Him: Yeah, I have a meeting.
Me: Ok, with who?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: Ok, do you know what office?
Him: No.
Me: Do you know what department?
Him: No.
Me: Do you have any contact information from whoever you set up the appointment with?
Him: Uh… no.

At this point I was at a bit of a loss but decided to keep trying to get some kind of information.

Me: Well when did you make the appointment?
Him: I think it was about two weeks ago… maybe three.
Me: Did you make the appointment over the phone or via e-mail?
Him: It was in person.
Me: Ok, where?
Him: It was in a park.
Me: In a park?
Him: There was an event for [member of provincial parliament].
Me: Ok, well this building is for your municipal government so if your appointment was with your MPP then it’s not here.
Him: No, the appointment wasn’t for provincial, that’s just where I met the person I made the appointment with.
Me: Well… I’m sorry, but I’m really not sure how to help you. Without a name, department or anything else to go on I can’t get you in touch with the right person.
Him: Well I have her name and number in my phone, should I just call her?
Me: I think that would be best….

A Sudden Switch In Their Understanding

, , , , , , | Right | June 26, 2019

I’m on a job to, among other things, repair a light over a client’s front door. The issue as described by the client is that it doesn’t always come on every time they flip the switch.

I talk to the property manager and he shows me the switch — in a bank of about eight others — that controls the light. I turn it on and off several times and cannot replicate the issue, but to be thorough, I open the fixture and inspect everything. I tell the property manager that it seems to be in proper working order, but I can replace the functional parts just to be certain. He agrees and I proceed.

When I’m finished, I show him that it’s working properly by again repeatedly turning it on and off. He agrees that it’s good to go.

The next day, when we return to finish the rest of the work, he approaches me again and says they’re still having the same issue. This time the client is home so I speak to her directly. I ask her to show me what happens when she turns it on.

She proceeds to flip every single one of the aforementioned eight switches before coming to the one that actually controls the light, and then she says, “See? It doesn’t work.”

Containing my laughter, I show her that it’s only tied to the one switch and repeat the process of turning it on and off, showing her that it’s functioning normally.

The client says, “Oh, well, now it works!”

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