(I work in a very small café and there is a line heading out the door. A customer is ordering when a woman comes in and walks up to the front of the line.)

Male Coworker: “Miss? There is a line.”

Customer: “Ever heard of ‘ladies first’?”

Male Coworker: “I understand that, ma’am, but you are also cutting in front of many other women who have been patiently waiting.”

Customer: “I am a woman. I have rights! I don’t have to listen to you!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid he’s right. You do need to go to the end of the line.”

Customer: *looking disappointed* “But… but… what about girl power?”

This story is part of our Women’s Equality Day roundup!

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(I have just activated a new smart-phone for a customer. I am showing them how to set it up.)

Me: “…and that is how you would send a text message. Do you have any other questions?”

Customer: “The time is wrong on this phone.”

Me: “That’s because you haven’t selected the correct time zone. Here, I will show you the time setup.”

(I show the customer the list of time zones, and briefly leave her to answer another customer’s question.)

Customer: *impatiently* “Excuse me! Excuse me! This phone you have given me is broken!”

Me: “Broken? Why do you say that?”

Customer: “There is no ‘Canadian’ time zone! It keeps trying to put it on ‘Eastern’!”

Me: “Yes, that would be correct, it’s seven o’clock here.”

Customer: *indignantly* “We don’t live in the east! This is Canada!”

This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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Me: “Ma’am, would you like a bag to carry any of these items?”

Customer: “No, I’m an environmentalist. I don’t want to add to destroy our environment.”

Me: “Ma’am, security for this store requests that everyone at least receive a bag to know that you’ve bought items here.”

Customer: “You can’t tell me that I have to take a bag and I won’t have it. I refuse to contribute to the garbage problem!”

Me: “Fine. Would you like to keep these hangers that your clothes came with?”

Customer: “No, just throw them out.”

This story is part of our Ironic Customers roundup!

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Me: “Thanks for calling. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Could you make my phone number unlisted?”

Me: “Well, sir, I’ve got good news. Cellphone numbers aren’t listed in the phone book.”

Caller: “No, I mean make it so that if someone calls you guys and gives you my number, you won’t give them any information.”

Me: “Oh, well, in that case, you should know that we value our customers’ privacy. We would never give out any of your personal information to anyone who calls us.”

Caller: “Even if it’s the cops?”

This story is part of our Ironic Customers roundup!

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(Our tea shop closes at 9:00 pm. The time is currently 9:10. There is one couple and their child still in the store. I am cleaning the bathroom. The customer opens the bathroom door.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m cleaning this bathroom.”

Customer: “But my son has to go.”

Me: “I’m using bleach; it’s very dangerous here. I can’t let you use the bathroom.”

Customer: “But my son has to go!”

Me: “I can’t let you use it. We’re already closed and I have to finish cleaning.”

Customer: *to another employee* “Your crazy cleaning lady won’t let my son use the bathroom. Can I speak to your manager?”

Coworker: “That is the manager.”

(The customer silently grabbed his wife and son and walked out without another word.)

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