(I’m allergic to tomatoes and peppers, and most relish/pickles have peppers in them.)

Me: “I’d like a burger but with no tomato or relish or pickles. Just lettuce, onions and mustard, please.”

Waitress: *confused* “Okay?”

Me: “I’m allergic to tomatoes and relish and pickles. All the other toppings are good.”

Waitress: “All right.”

(The burger arrives, and it has nothing on it; it’s just a patty on a bun.)

Me: “Hey, um, this burger is completely plain. Could I get it with mustard and onions on it?”

Waitress: “Uh, no.”

Me: “Why not?”

Waitress: “Well, my cousin is allergic to mustard, and onions are disgusting!”

(I have been telling my coworkers that I’m going to visit my friend who is working at a steampunk festival the upcoming weekend. None of them know what steampunk is, so I explain it to them and show them pictures on my phone, citing a few of my favourite examples.)

Me: “My favourite was Steampunk X-Men. The guy playing Cyclops had a huge backpack covered in hand-wheels and steam tubes because in steampunk, it would need all that to contain his laser eyes.”

Coworker: “Oh, really? How did it work?”

Me: “Um, it was a costume.”

Coworker: “It was fake?!”

(A woman walks up to the register with four pages out of four different books: a Grisham, a Kinsella, a King, and a Straub.)

Me: “Did you find these pages loose?”

Customer: “No, I ripped them out. I want to buy them for ten cents per page. Is that okay?”

Me: *shocked* “Um, no!”

Customer: *turns and leaves the store*

(My boss and CEO of her company is trying to type up an invoice for a client.)

Boss: “How many ‘f’s’ are in ‘tough’? I’ve tried one and two, but it still says I’m wrong!”

(My boyfriend and I have both worked in the service industry for years, so we know it can be rough. We had just bought a couch from a furniture company and it arrived without legs. We have been waiting for hours on hold and speaking with various employees.)

Me: “Hi, my couch just got delivered but it doesn’t have any legs.”

Employee: “Okay…?”

Me: “So, can you have someone come and drop them off?”

Employee: “Hmm… well, you know you can buy legs for a sofa from pretty much any hardware store, right?”

Me: “Yes, but I already bought them from you.”

Employee: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Okay. Well, if you bought a car from a dealership and they gave it to you but it didn’t have wheels, would you ask them where the wheels you already paid for are, or go buy a new set of tires from someone else?”

Employee: “I still don’t really get it.”

Me: “…is there someone else I can talk to?”