The Monetary Cost Of An Apology

, , , | Legal | July 20, 2018

(I work at a civil division court office.)

Plaintiff: *explains backstory as to what brought him there* “I want to sue for an apology.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you cannot sue for an apology. You can only sue for a monetary value.”

Plaintiff: “But I don’t want any money. I only want an apology!”

Me: “Again, sir, you cannot sue for an apology. You have to determine a dollar amount and sue for that.”

(We go back and forth I don’t know how many times, until finally:)

Plaintiff: “FINE! I will sue him for ONE DOLLAR.”

Me: “Okay, good. Now, if I can just get you–”

Plaintiff: “AND AN APOLOGY!”

Me: *headdesk*

(He did actually pay $25 to file a claim for $1. He and the defendant ended up settling out of court, but I was not privy to those proceedings so I’ve always wondered if the plaintiff did, in fact, get his apology.)

A Dress The Color Of An Ally

, , , , , | Hopeless | July 19, 2018

(Most of you will be too young to remember the days when someone could go to jail if they had a birth certificate that said, “Male,” and they were caught wearing female clothing. Consequently, Hallowe’en is a HUGE party day for the gay community, which, of course, is very underground at this time. But many people want a special dress for the ball that is held annually, and if you can’t afford a dressmaker, what are you to do? I have some gay friends, so I am familiar with the lifestyle and trials of the times. I also work in the young women’s department. This happens on the weekend before Hallowe’en.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help you with something?”

Male Customer: “My sister is going to a semi-formal event, and I wanted to buy her dress for her as a surprise. She’s the same size as I am, pretty much.”

Me: “Let me show you what we have in stock.”

(After showing several dresses, which he looks at in great detail, trying to glimpse himself in the mirror with the dress held in front of him…)

Male Customer: “I think this one is nice. Maybe I’ll take it. What do you think?”

Me: “I’d vote against it, sir. The colour doesn’t suit your complexion at all.”

(The customer kind of ducks his head and blushes when he realises that I know what the story is.)

Me: “What I’d suggest for your sister is either this one or one of these two.”

(He decided to take one of the dresses I’d recommended and came back later to tell me he’d had a great time and loved the dress. I was so pleased to be able to make even just one night easier for someone who basically had to live a life of serious pretense in order to stay out of jail or not be beaten up. It isn’t perfect yet, but we have come along way.)

Giving Way More Than Your Two Cents On The Situation

, , , , | Legal | July 16, 2018

(I work for a civil division small claims court, where you sue people for smallish amounts of money and represent yourself in court. An older man comes in the office and up to the service counter with a wheelbarrow. In the wheelbarrow is a burlap sack full of… something.)

Defendant: *after ranting about the case he was involved in with a neighbour/ex-friend and the judgment rendered against him* “I am here to pay my judgment BUT I am paying it in PENNIES! If [Plaintiff] wants his money, FINE, but he’s going to have to work for it!”

Me: *looking at burlap bag and realizing what’s in it* “Um, I’m sorry sir but we cannot accept that here.” *IN MY HEAD: “Never mind the fact that WE would be the ones ‘working’ for it, not the plaintiff!”

Me: “If you wish to bring them to the plaintiff directly you can see if he will accept them.”

(After grumbling a bit more, the defendant leaves. The judgement was $800 so it would have been 80,000 pennies, weighing around 50 pounds. About 30 minutes later I answer the phone and immediately know who I am talking to:)

Plaintiff: “[Defendant] just showed up at my door with a bag full of pennies! Do I have to accept them?”

Me: “Well, sir, you can refuse it but then you will have to take further proceedings to collect on your judgment, such as a garnishment, which will take time and cost money. Monies paid out for further proceedings are recoverable and added onto the judgment, but seeing as the courts are not a guarantee that you will get your money it might be in your best interests to take the pennies.”

Plaintiff: *lots of swearing and ranting about [Defendant] and the case in general*

(In the end the plaintiff took the pennies and had to roll them all by hand because change sorting/rolling machines had not yet been invented for the casual user. I thought to myself then, and still think now, that if I ever got sued and had a judgment against me, that’s exactly the way I would pay it, too!)

Best Little Brother, Period

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | July 6, 2018

My 15-year-old daughter was having particularly painful period cramps one day, and spent the day lying in bed. Her 12-year-old little brother asked what was wrong, and she told him; we’re very open about these sorts of things in our family. He then asked me if he could go for a bike ride, and I said yes.

He took his bike down to the nearest grocery store, went in and bought several of his sister’s favorite chocolate bars with his own money, and brought them home for her, telling her he hoped she felt better soon.

He’s going to make some lucky girl a wonderful boyfriend and husband someday.

How To Treat Dog-Breath

, , , , , | Healthy | July 6, 2018

(I am a veterinary technician and sometimes I leave work still wearing scrubs.)

Cashier: “So, you work at the dental office in this plaza, right?”

Me: “Nope, I’m a veterinary technician. I work at the vet clinic over there.” *gesturing*

Other Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “I’m a nurse for animals.”

Other Customer: “Oh. There’s this mouth-wash I’ve been meaning to try. The stuff from [Human Brand]. Can you tell me if it’s any good?”

Me: “Um… I’m a veterinary technician. I nurse animals.”

Other Customer: “It’s all the same. So, can you tell me if the mouthwash is any good?”

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