(When I get to the checkout, the cashier is giving a very large cash drop, probably about $1000, to a colleague to put in the safe.)

Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize that many people still used cash.”

Cashier: “Oh, yeah, I only ever use cash. Cards are evil.”

Me: *jokingly* “Well, they say evil is tempting, right?”

Cashier: “No, some things are just evil. Did you know that if you have a kid in the US, they’ll put a chip in them whether you want them to or not? We’re human beings, not dogs!”

(It is well into my second year at university when I get a text from a friend from high school who goes to a college nearby. My friend is taking one course per semester at this college but always seems stressed.)

Friend: “Hey, wanna meet up?”

Me: “I have tutorial but maybe on the weekend?”

Friend: “Oh, I don’t mind coming to your tutorial.”

Me: “There’s, like, 25 of us in the tutorial. The TA will know you don’t belong there.”

Friend: “I don’t mind.”

(I end up talking her out of that but she is constantly texting me to meet up with her or she wants to sit in on my classes. It wouldn’t be a problem if there were 400 kids but my major is an honours program so, year-by-year, hundreds of students are cut. So far there are around 200 kids in the class and it’s a full year course so the professor generally knows us. Eventually, I get sick of her inviting herself to my classes.)

Me: “Don’t you have class?”

Friend: “Oh, I dropped out because I needed to catch up on sleep, but now I’m bored!”

Me: “You can get always get a job. I can help you make a résumé.”

Friend: “Girl, I dropped out because there was too much work and I didn’t get enough sleep. I’m not gonna get a job!”

(I don’t mind people taking care of their mental health but if you do so, maybe go see a therapist, not sit in on classes you didn’t/couldn’t actually take or handle.)

(I am nine years old when this story takes place. I am with my mother at a popular event with many carnival rides and games set up. I see one game is giving out giant gorillas as their “big” prizes.)

Me: “I want to try that!”

Mom: “You won’t win anything good. These games are all rigged.”

Me: “I don’t care. I want a gorilla!”

Mom: “Okay, you get one chance but then we have to go before we miss [Popular Dog Competition].”

(The game in question is one where you have to throw a ball at a large table with holes cut into it. The holes are painted various colours, each corresponding to a prize. There is only one green hole on the entire table and if your ball lands on it you win a big prize. I toss my only ball and it lands on the green hole.)

Me: “I did it!”

Man Running The Game: “HOLY S***, I THOUGHT THAT WAS RIGGED!”

(Everyone in the surrounding area heard this and when we came back later that day a different person was running that game. I don’t know if the guy had to leave for rigging the game or for telling everyone, but at least I got a gorilla out of it.)

Customer: *points to empty barrel* “Excuse me, do you have any more hazelnuts?”

Me: “No, sorry; if we had them they would be out on the floor already.”

Customer: “Can you check in the back?”

(I already know that we don’t have any but I check anyway.)

Me: “Sorry, no, we don’t have any.”

Customer: “Are you just saying that because you’re lazy and don’t want to bring it out for me?”

Me: “Um… no. We don’t have anymore hazelnuts. We get our next shipment on Saturday, if you would—”

Customer: “SO THAT JUST MEANS YOU’RE BEING LAZY. FINE!” *storms out*

(Where I live, large residential transformers are sometimes hidden in fake houses set up by the hydro company. These houses usually have the windows blacked out or no windows at all, no mailbox, and sometimes no visible street address or driveway, but otherwise look like normal houses. I first time I notice one is when I’m seven years old and point it out to my mother.)

Me: “Mom, that house looks weird!”

Mom: “That’s not actually a house.”

Me: “What do you mean? It looks like one.”

Mom: “That’s a power building. There’s a transformer in there.”

(Not knowing that she was referring to electrical transformers and not giant robots, I walked over to the house the next day and tried to visit the Transformer. No one answered the door so I tried to open it myself but it was locked.)

Me: “Mom, he wasn’t there. I didn’t hear anything and the door’s locked.”

Mom: “Were you at [Friend]’s house?”

Me: “No, I wanted to meet the Transformer but he wasn’t home.”

(My mom went into a panic and told me what was actually in the house and that I shouldn’t try to go in there again.)