It’s Time For A Change

, , , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I am the customer in this story, calling the phone company to get my “new” phone number changed.)

Me: “I moved not too long ago and had this number assigned to me, but I need to change it. Whoever had this number before me must have been very popular, because I am getting multiple calls per day for them.”

Representative: “Okay. We can do that for you, but there will be a $50 fee to have your number changed.”

Me: “Um, okay, I’m not requesting this just for the fun of it, or because I don’t like my number or what the numbers add up to, or something crazy like that. Like I said, I am getting multiple calls every day for this person, and I need it changed, please.”

Representative: “I understand, but there is a charge associated with changing the number, and it is $50.”

Me: “Again, I am not doing this just for s***s and giggles. Why should I have to pay $50 because you guys stuck me with a phone number that obviously has not been out of circulation long enough for all these people to know they no longer have a valid number? Having to answer someone else’s phone calls multiple times a day is not fun, especially when the person who had this number spoke a different language. I don’t even know if the people who are calling understand what I am saying because most of them don’t understand English!”

Phone Representative: “I am sorry, but the only way we can waive the charges is if the calls were threatening or harassing.”

Me: “Trust me: the calls will get threatening and harassing if you don’t waive your stupid fee and change my number for free!

Phone Representative: “Umm… Okay… We will change your number, free of charge, for you.”

Me:Thank you!”

Isn’t Used To This Kind Of Treatment

, , , , , | Healthy | March 2, 2018

(I volunteer in the emergency room of a very large hospital. I’ve volunteered in other departments as well, so I’m quite familiar with the layout. I notice a woman wandering around looking lost, so I greet her and ask if I can help her find where she’s going.)

Patient: “Yeah, I have some questions about some medical treatment I’m going to be receiving.”

Me: “Sure. Which department do you need?”

Patient: “I’m not telling you my personal medical information!”

Me: “You don’t have to, ma’am. I only need to know the category of treatment so I know where to direct you.”

Patient: “Isn’t there some kind of central information desk?”

Me: “Yes, but you’ll have to tell them the same thing.”

Patient: “Well, my medical information is confidential. Just tell me where I can get my questions answered.”

Me: “In order to do that, I need some idea of what you’re here for.”

Patient: “This is a very disorganized hospital.” *walks away*

(I probably should have just directed her to Psych.)

Will Not March To The Beat Of Their Drum(stick)

, , , , | Right | February 27, 2018

(Chicken drumsticks were on sale the previous week for a dollar off per pound.)

Customer: “I’ll take ten pounds of drumsticks. These are on sale, right?”

Me: “No, sir. That was last week, sorry. This week they’re back to regular price.”

Customer: “That’s okay; just give them to me for the sale price.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’m not able to do that, sir. The sale is over. Do you still want them?”

Customer: *waves impatiently* “Just change the price; I know you can.”

Me: “Uh, no. Actually, I can’t.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Just do it!”

Me: “Sir, the prices are downloaded into the scales from a central computer. I just punch in the product code. The price is what it is.”

Customer: “You can override it. Do you think I don’t know that?”

Me: “Well, that’s more than I know.”

(Even the department manager can’t override the prices, and I’m just a clerk.)

Customer: “Just do it!”

Me: “Even if I could do that, which I can’t, please explain to me why it would be worth losing my job just to save you a few dollars?”

Customer: “I know the owner.”

Me: “Oh, yes? Well, Mr. [Owner] knows a lot of people. I know him myself, and I don’t get to name my own prices in the store.” *smiling*

Customer: “Very funny. He’s a good friend of mine.”

Me: “Oh! Well, in that case, there’s no problem!”

Customer: “Aha! I knew it!”

Me: “Sure! You just call up your good friend and have him arrange a discount for you.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “You have his number, of course?”

Customer: *pause* “Just give me five pounds of drumsticks.”

Me: “Sure thing!” *bags and weighs* “That comes to [regular price]. Have a great day!”

Annoying To The Nines

, , , , , | Working | February 27, 2018

Coworker: “When will we get out tonight?”

Me: “We close at eight.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but like, when can we leave?”

Me: “You end at nine.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but like, will I get out at nine?”

Me: *putting my fingers to my temple* “Hold on. I’m seeing into the future to find the answer.”

It’s Not Raining Rain-Checks

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2018

(Chicken leg quarters are a flyer special this week for 99 cents a pound. We have just opened Monday morning, following a busy weekend, and we ran out of the quarters on Sunday. The store is family-owned, and for whatever reason they don’t offer rain-checks.)

Customer: “Where are the chicken legs for 99 cents?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we’re sold out. There should be more in later today, but we don’t know when the truck will get here.”

Customer: “What?! It’s Monday morning! How can you not have it in stock on Monday morning?! That’s when everyone does their shopping!”

(I look around at the empty store and wonder what planet she’s from.)

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but it does happen, unfortunately. Hopefully it won’t be too long before it arrives, but I don’t know for sure.”

(The woman continues to loudly complain to her friend and to me about how I personally should be ashamed of the fact that we ran out of the featured item. This goes on for several minutes. I continue to try to be sympathetic, but it’s getting difficult.)

Me: “It is disappointing, and I apologize for the inconvenience—”

Customer: “Never mind that; give me a rain-check.”

Me: *deep breath, because I know what’s coming* “I’m so sorry, but the store doesn’t give rain-checks.”

Customer:What?! What do you mean?! You have to! You give me a rain-check right now!”

Me: “I don’t have any rain-checks to give you.”

Customer: “Well, get some!”

Me: “Look, ma’am: it’s not in my power to do that. The store doesn’t give rain-checks.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

(I have actually asked this, and the only answer I ever got was, “Because Mr. [Owner] doesn’t want to.”)

Me: “I don’t know; it’s their business decision. You could try asking at the customer service desk.”

Customer: *preparing to storm off* “I will!”

(I’m breathing a sigh of relief, as I now think she’s somebody else’s problem, but she stops before leaving, and turns back to me.)

Customer: “How much will I be able to get on the rain-check they give me?”

Me: *groans internally* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they’re not going to give you a rain-check.”

Customer: “WHAT?! You have to give it to me! IT’S MY RIGHT!”

(I wonder where the right to rain-checks appears in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, while the woman berates me at length. I offer to get the manager, but she ignores me. Finally…)

Me: “You are arguing with someone who has absolutely no authority. You can keep yelling at me if it makes you feel better, but it isn’t going to change anything.”

(This finally shuts her up.)

Me: “If you would like to make a complaint about store policy, or about me, the place to do it is at the customer service desk.”

(She walked away, complaining bitterly to her friend the whole time. I heard later that she kicked up a huge fuss at customer service, who called the meat manager over to talk to her. I really wish I could have been there to see that, because he is notorious for being snippy with customers. At any rate, she left without a rain-check, and I never heard a word of complaint from my boss.)

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