This Scam Is Reproduced All The Time

, , , , , , | Right | August 22, 2018

(I am a cashier in the express lane. I call the next customer in line to my cash register station. I am of Chinese descent.)

Me: “Hi, sir, how is your day?”

Customer: “Good. I want to price-match all these toothpastes for $2.00 each, and everything else is regular price.”

(He has about ten toothpastes and five other items in the cart.)

Me: “Sure, just let me check the date on the flyer and the toothpaste size.”

(The dates and sizes match the ones he chose.)

Customer: “I have ten coupons for $2 off each of these toothpastes, too.”

Me: “Can I see these coupons, please?”

Customer: “Sure.” *hands it to me*

(I notice the coupons are obviously photocopied and are blurry.)

Me: “Sir, these coupons are photocopies of the original.”

Customer: “Oh. I printed them off my printer.”

Me: “Well, I can obviously tell these coupons are reproductions, and they are invalid. Trying to use photocopied coupons is illegal, and it can be considered fraud, sir.”

Customer: “Well, how do you know they are fake?”

Me: “These are newspaper insert coupons, sir, and plus, they are really blurry.”

Customer: “Well, you know what? I didn’t know cashiers were so smart. I didn’t know you could see so well, because I can tell you are Asian.”

Me: “Well, obviously I proved you wrong, sir.”

Customer: “You know what? F*** you!”

(I don’t say anything. He leaves all his unpaid goods and his cart in front of my till, and I have to clean it up. He also leaves his fake coupons with me.)

Me: *shows coupons to one of my coworkers* “Look what this dumb customer did to me.” *I repeat this story and show her the coupons*

Coworker: “You should have told that dumba** to go f*** himself, too.”

Tardy Tuesdays

, , , , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

(I work in a bakery that specializes in Jamaican products. For our wholesale customers, I provide a notice asking them to please call if they are unable to pick up their order. If we do not receive a call, their order will not be saved for them. We have one customer who NEVER comes for his order on the day he says he will, and so far he has received two notices, both of which I witnessed him read.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have your order because it was supposed to be picked up last Saturday.”

Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t for pick up today?”

(Today is Tuesday.)

Me: “No, the invoice here says last Saturday. I can see if I have anything extra that I might be able to get you, but your order was used since you didn’t call.”

Customer: “Okay, okay, I won’t get mad.”

(I’m thinking to myself, “No, you can’t get mad, because I saw you read that notice and you never called, so you have no right to be mad.” I go check to see what I have available.)

Me: “Okay, here is what I was able to get you. I didn’t have any [bread]. Would you like to come for it tomorrow?”

Customer: “Okay, but not tomorrow.”

Me: “Okay, when?”

Customer: “The other day.”

Me: “Which other day?”

Customer: “You know, the other day.”

Me: “…”

Customer: *light-bulb goes off in his head* “Wednesday!”

Me: “Okay, sure, no problem. Have a nice day.”

Balls To The Walls Confusion

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2018

(I’m the idiot in this story. I am in a store that sells exercise equipment. I am having trouble finding a particular item, so I track down an employee and ask for help.)

What I Should Say: “Excuse me, sir, I would like to know if you sell yoga balls. I can’t seem to find them.”

(What actually happens:)

Me: “Hey… uh… Do you have balls?”

Employee: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Do you have big balls? I want giant balls.”

Employee: “Uh… I don’t think I can help you with that.”

Me: *thinking I was being very clear* “Okay, thanks, anyway.”

(I left the store and didn’t realize what I had said until I was almost home.)

A Festival Of Fools

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2018

(Every year I volunteer for one of the world’s busiest film festivals. The rules are known and pretty clear to film goers. If you buy tickets for a screening, you have to be there at least fifteen minutes before it starts; otherwise, if you are not in your seat by then, your seat is given away to people standing in the rush line. Most people are fine with this rule and understand it is festival policy. One day I am on ticket-taking duty for a new Samuel L. Jackson film in the IMAX cinema. As predicted, it is absolutely full, and the screen starts on time without a hitch. Thirty minutes into the film, I see a pair of trendy couples casually walking towards the theatre, all carrying armfuls of sacks from the concession stand. One of them hands me his ticket.)

Guy #1: “Okay, let us in.”

(My fellow volunteer and I look at each other nervously, as we know this is about to become difficult.)

Me: “I’m sorry… The screening is full.”

Guy #1: “Yeah, but we have tickets, so let us in, please!”

Volunteer: “The screening is totally full; you need to be here at least 15 minutes before it starts to get your seat!”

Girl #1: “Are you f****** kidding us? We have tickets!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t let you in now.”

Guy #2: “Dude, we bought tickets and we want to go in! Just let us in.”

Me: “Let me just get the volunteer manager for you; maybe he can sort something else out.”

Girl #2: “F****** ridiculous.”

(I can hear them loudly arguing and complaining among themselves as I grab the manager. He’s a very short guy, so people just assume they can intimidate him, but he has nerves of steel and doesn’t back down from a fight. Immediately one the guys stands over him threateningly.)

Manager: “Hi, sir, I understand you arrived late for the screening.”

Guy #1: “Listen, buddy, let us on into our movie that we paid for and there won’t be a problem.”

Manager: “Sir, this isn’t the regular cinema. This is a festival, and if you read the back of your ticket, it clearly states that you have to be here on time or your seat becomes forfeit.”

Guy #2: “Who reads that s***?”

(The manager gives a look that suggests he should behave himself, and the other guy immediately recoils.)

Manager: “It’s also on our website, brochures, and every other festival material you will find! Sorry you cannot get into that film, but…”

Girl #1: “OH! SO, YOU’RE HAPPY TO TAKE OUR MONEY, BUT YOU WON’T LET US IN? THIS IS BULLS***!”

Manager: “Okay, calm down! Can I ask first what made you late for the screening?”

Guy #1: “There was a load of traffic coming in, OBVIOUSLY! The game was finishing and the f****** festival is on!”

Guy #2: “Yeah, we were watching the Jays game first!”

(The whole group agrees loudly to this.)

Manager: “Firstly, watch your language! Secondly, have you been to other films this festival?”

Guy #2: “Yeah, but there were biga** queues! We couldn’t be bothered standing in those. Who the h*** stands in a queue for over an hour to see a movie? We just thought we would skip them.”

Manager: “Right, so even though you knew there would be traffic due to the festival, and you actively knew there was a baseball game on today… you still decided to arrive late?”

Guy #1: “We thought our seats would be held for us!”

Manager: “Did you see the people standing in the rush line outside?”

Guy #2: *laughs* “Yeah, what suckers.”

Manager: “Well, if you are not on time for the film, then they get your seats, because they want to see the films just as much as you do. If you are not here on time, then I am sorry, but you will miss out!”

(Following this is another few minutes of the couples begging, pleading, and threatening to get into their movie. The manager doesn’t relent, and basically tells them are no seats to accommodate them, and refuses their request to throw out other people due them holding tickets. Finally at the end of his tether, the manager tells them:)

Manager: “Right, if you will follow me, we can look at other films I can get you a ticket for. Sorry, but you will not be seeing this picture tonight.”

(Angrily, three out of the four follow him to the box- office. The other girl turns around to us and gives a disgusted look.)

Girl #2: “WE HAD TICKETS!”

(With that, she storms away with the others. The other volunteer and I look at each other and try not to laugh.)

Me: “If they’re that bothered about seeing their movie, why did they get snacks for the already busy concession stand and waste more time?”

Volunteer: “People are strange.”

(Thankfully, that was the only time I had to deal with something like that… roll on next year.)

Contracted A Bad Case Of Contract

, , , , | Legal | July 21, 2018

I run a small concrete-cutting business and I was looking for a new chief supervisor to look after the shop when I wasn’t there. I found a guy who looked good on paper, and after a fairly short interview process I hired him.

When I hired him, I told him that his employment was conditional on signing an employment agreement which my lawyer was in the process of preparing. Since he would have access to trade secrets and my client list, I especially needed to have him sign a non-competition agreement as part of the larger employment agreement.

A few weeks went by and he seemed to be performing adequately. So, I gave him the agreement to sign and he took it home to have a look at. That night I got a call from him saying he had issues with the agreement and he couldn’t sign it as-is.

The next day, he handed me the agreement with his notes, and I took it into my office to review. He had crossed out the “Duties and Responsibilities” section and the “Non-Competition” section. Not only that, but he had put in a much higher salary than we agreed, added a bunch of benefits on top of what he was already getting, and taken out the end date of the contract, making it indefinite.

After staring at the paper for a while, trying to get my temper back under control, I went out and found him and very calmly explained that if he wasn’t willing to sign the contract then I would take it as his resignation. I sent him home. I sent him a cheque for the five weeks he had worked and went back to looking for a new hire.

Here’s the kicker: He then decided to sue me for the “six weeks vacation pay” he believed he was entitled to. The judge laughed him out of the courtroom.

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