It Looks Like Pokémon Isn’t In The Cards

, , , , | Learning | September 13, 2017

(At my school, there is a storm drain in the middle of the playground. Nobody thinks much of it until we hear someone yell.)

Kid: “HEY, THERE’S A POKÉMON CARD IN THERE!”

(Everyone rushes over and looks down. Sure enough, there is a Pokémon card lying face down at the bottom of the storm drain. Every day, for about a month, everyone tries to open the cover or stick things through to try to get the card, but to no avail. One day, everyone is called by the principal into the auditorium for a surprise assembly.)

Principal: “Today I want to talk to you about safety. I have noticed for a while now that everyone seems to be crowding around the storm drain at recess. That is very unsafe, and there is no reason why anyone should try to mess with the cover… because I got the Pokémon card.” *he pulls a worn, crumpled up Pokémon card from his back pocket* “As you can see, it’s just a Pidgey, nothing special.”

(Thinking that this was just a way to get us to stay away from the storm drain, we still looked in to check at recess. The Pokémon card was gone.)

The Tragic School Bus

, , , , | Working | September 10, 2017

(I am heading home after my first day of school in an area I’m unfamiliar with, and I need to take a bus back home. I’m not completely sure which bus I’m supposed to take, so I ask the driver.)

Me: “Is this the bus that goes to Brampton?”

Driver: *gruffly* “Sit down.”

Me: *thinking that means “yes”* “Okay, then.”

(I sit down, and realize after a few minutes that this is taking me somewhere I am completely unfamiliar with. I decide to go back to the driver just to make sure.)

Me: “Excuse me, but is this the bus that goes to Brampton?”

Driver: “SIT DOWN!”

Me: “…Sorry! I just need to know, so I can get back home!”

Driver: “I TOLD YOU TO F***ING SIT DOWN!”

Me: *getting a bit agitated* “Why won’t you just tell me if this is the way for me to get home?”

Driver: “If you don’t sit down right now, I will stop the bus and kick you out!”

Me: *We are now on a busy highway, and I know he’s not allowed to do that.* “No! Why aren’t you just answering my question!? Besides, you can’t drop me off in the middle of a highway, anyway!”

Driver: “F*** you! I’m calling the police!”

(The driver did, in fact, pull over to call the police. We were parked for nearly twenty minutes until they arrived. The bus driver accused me of assaulting him, but the other passengers on the bus backed me up and told the police he was lying. The police ended up calling me a cab, which I had to pay for. Even for a jacka**, you’d think he would have saved himself the headache and just told me where the bus was going.)

Whipped Cream And Pee Jars And Tag, Oh My!

, , , , , | Learning | September 10, 2017

(I am one of three RAs in a freshman dorm. I am talking to one of the SRAs (Senior RA) as my shift ends, when I see three freshman residents exiting the elevator, covered in whipped cream.)

SRA: “What happened, guys?”

Freshman #1: “I want to switch roommates!” *The other freshmen pipe up loudly that they, too, want to switch roommates.*

SRA: “Did your roommates do this to all of you? Did you do anything to them first?”

Freshman #2: “Well, we’ve been collecting bottles of our pee and placing it in their clothing, and under their bed sheets, but they started it first!”

(The SRA looks at me as this guy is talking, knowing there’s going to be a s***-ton of paperwork and meetings over this.)

Me: “Tag, you’re it!” *walks away*

(Don’t worry, I’m not a horrible RA. I came back with coffee for the SRA and we sorted this out together. I just wanted to see her reaction when she thought I left her.)

A Sign That Common Sense Already Checked Out

, , , , | Right | September 5, 2017

(I’m cashing out a customer.)

Me: “Debit, credit, or cash?”

Customer: “Here is my card.” *puts it on the table*

Me: “Okay, you can just insert, swipe, or tap whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “No, I just sign something.”

Me: “You sign the receipt, but you have to insert, swipe, or tap it first.”

Customer: “No! I just sign something!”

Me: “Okay, so, in order for you to sign the receipt, you have to insert your card.”

(The customer continues to refuse, and there is a line growing, so I swipe his card, it goes through, and the receipt prints. I normally don’t like to swipe a customer’s card, because I tapped a customer’s card once and they freaked out, because they didn’t know they had tap and thought I knew their pin.)

Customer: “There! That I sign!”

Telemarketers Have Done A Real Job On You

, , , , | Working | September 4, 2017

(Telemarketers seem to be running rampant and keep calling me at ridiculous hours. My parents tell me to hang up the phone immediately. I get a phone call at 7:30 am, and luckily I am up for school.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “I’m looking for [Name].”

Me: “Sorry, there is no [Name] here.”

Caller: “No [Name]?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry. Good luck!”

(I hung up and didn’t think much of it, until around lunch when I saw I had a voicemail. It was a job offer that I had been waiting to hear back from. They said in the message that they accidentally misread my name, but still wanted me. I am so glad I was polite!)

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