A Sudden Switch In Their Understanding

, , , , , , | Right | June 26, 2019

I’m on a job to, among other things, repair a light over a client’s front door. The issue as described by the client is that it doesn’t always come on every time they flip the switch.

I talk to the property manager and he shows me the switch — in a bank of about eight others — that controls the light. I turn it on and off several times and cannot replicate the issue, but to be thorough, I open the fixture and inspect everything. I tell the property manager that it seems to be in proper working order, but I can replace the functional parts just to be certain. He agrees and I proceed.

When I’m finished, I show him that it’s working properly by again repeatedly turning it on and off. He agrees that it’s good to go.

The next day, when we return to finish the rest of the work, he approaches me again and says they’re still having the same issue. This time the client is home so I speak to her directly. I ask her to show me what happens when she turns it on.

She proceeds to flip every single one of the aforementioned eight switches before coming to the one that actually controls the light, and then she says, “See? It doesn’t work.”

Containing my laughter, I show her that it’s only tied to the one switch and repeat the process of turning it on and off, showing her that it’s functioning normally.

The client says, “Oh, well, now it works!”

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Blame Canada! Part 8

, , , , , , | Right | June 4, 2019

(I’m a dispatcher on the phone with an irate Boston customer for nearly twenty minutes about the fact that his hot tub will not be delivered until after the Canadian Holiday.)

Caller: “What do you mean, you will be delivering it Tuesday?! Today is Monday, and on Friday, the tracking said one business day until delivery!”

Me: “Yes, I apologize on our company’s behalf. But, as I have mentioned, we have a holiday in Canada on Monday and, therefore, it will not arrive until tomorrow.”

Caller: “That’s garbage! It’s not even a real holiday! Why the h*** is it not being delivered?”

(I’m tired of repeating myself, but I try once more.)

Me: “It is being delivered, sir, but all our drivers are off Monday so they can be with their families.”

Caller: “That’s it! Get me your manager on the phone now! Someone is going to be in hot water here!”

Me: “And it certainly won’t be you, sir. Have a nice day!” *click*

(My boss had to give me a little grief for this one, but after a good chuckle. Yes, Americans, Canadian holidays are as real to us as yours are to you.)

Blame Canada! Part 7
Blame Canada! Part 6
Blame Canada! Part 5

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Takes One To Know One

, , , , , , | Learning | June 3, 2019

When I was in grade seven, our class got a substitute teacher one day. The teacher had a condescending attitude and was talking down to the class. She started off lecturing them about good behavior and then said, “I want you all to be benevolent. You do know what that means?”

I put up my hand and asked, “Is it okay if we act malevolent, instead?”

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Unfiltered Story #152514

, , , | Unfiltered | June 1, 2019

(I do in-store demos and of late have begun gathering a category of customer stories I call “Demo’ing While Jewish,” gathered from customers who notice I am wearing a Star of David necklace.)

Me: … And that’s the machine. What did you think? Wanna try it out?

Customer: Are you Jewish?

Customer 2 (customer 1’s husband), excitedly: I think she is, honey! Look at the Jewish Star!

Me: .. Umm.. yes, I am.

Customer: That’s amazing! You should come talk to our Church. We love Jews at our Church. Our pastor teaches that Jews are the holiest people on the planet and you know, we tithe for your souls.

Me: … thank you?

Caveman Times Called; They Want Your Friend Back

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 31, 2019

(This happens several years ago, when a now former friend who was in his late 40s and I are at a bar. At a table not too far away is a young woman about half his age with her boyfriend and another guy.)

Friend: “I’m going to ask her out.”

Me: “Dude, she’s already got a boyfriend.”

Friend: “I’m going to fight him for her, then.”

Me: “You’re what?

Friend: “I’m going to start a fight with them and win her.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “You got my back, right?”

Me: “You’re starting a fight for a stupid reason. Yeah, you’re on your own here.”

Friend: “But I want her…”

(He didn’t end up starting anything, fortunately for his sake, as these guys looked rather large. Incidents like this, turning aggressive when drinking, are part of why we aren’t friends anymore.)

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