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Geography, My Arch Nemesis, We Meet Again…

, , , , , | Right | December 10, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store] at Santana Row. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Your stores are having midnight releases for ‘World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King,’ right?”

Me: “Yes, certain locations are going to be open, but our store–”

Customer: *interrupting* “It’s already midnight on the East Coast; you can’t you sell them now?”

Me: “Uhh… unfortunately not.”

Customer: “BUT WHY?! IT’S MIDNIGHT IN THE EAST COAST!”

Me: “Well, it’s not midnight here, so, NO, we can’t sell it.”

Customer: “But people will be leveling up before me! AGHHH! This is bull-s***!”

Me: “Either way, our location isn’t going to be open for the midnight release. The closest location that will be open for the midnight release is 45 minutes away.”

Customer: “So if I go there, they should be selling them?!”

Me: “Probably not. They’re still on Pacific Standard Time.”

Customer: “What should I do then?! Everyone on the East Coast will have a head start!”

Me: “Maybe you should move to the East Coast.”

Customer: “What time are you closing?”

Me: “10:00 pm.”

Customer: “I’m coming right now!”

Me: “Okay…?”

Normal Time Vs. Customer Time

, , , | Right | November 17, 2008

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help?”

Customer: “I want the twenty-piece bargain bucket.”

Me: “Well, there will be a five-minute wait. We have only just opened and don’t have that quantity cooked yet.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(He pays and takes a seat. About three minutes later, he approaches the counter again.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is my food?! I have been waiting half an hour!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We have only been open five minutes; there is no way you have been waiting thirty minutes.”

Maybe We Should Shellac Them Next Time

, , , | Right | October 21, 2008

Customer: “I’d like to complain about these donuts I bought.”

Me: “Okay, madam, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “They’re stale. I bought them, went to eat them, and they’re stale! I want my money back!”

Me: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry. Let me have a look at them and we’ll sort this out.”

(I look at the bad donuts.)

Me: “Ah, I see your problem, Madam. When did you buy these?”

Customer: “About two weeks ago. Why?”

Me: “Well, the use by date was about ten days ago which explains why they were stale.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “You have to eat them by the use by date or they’ll go stale. I can’t give you your money back.”

Customer: “This makes no sense! I didn’t get a chance to eat them so I want my money back!”

Past, Present, or Future, She Ain’t Graduating

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(A mother is worriedly telling me her daughter wants to graduate, but may be past the deadline to apply to do so.)

Mom: “She was planning to graduate early, instead of in the Spring! Now you’re telling me she can’t do that?”

Me: “Well, it’s October already, and there is a lot of preparation involved. She wanted to graduate in January ’09 instead of May?”

Mom: “No, she wants to graduate January ’08!”

Me: “… That’s in the past, ma’am.”

Mom: “Oh, fine! Well, whatever technical time you go by!”

Cheapskates: FAIL

, , , , , | Right | September 20, 2008

Customer: “Hey, can I get these rolls at a discount?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, sir; it’s only six. We don’t discount the bags until right before close.”

Customer: “Well, the girl last night let me do it!”

Me: “Sir, I was working last night, and no, I did not.”

Customer: “All right, it was the night before! That girl!”

Me: “Richard?”

Customer: *slinks away*