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For You, We’re Always Closed

, , , | Right | September 1, 2008

(The diner I work in is a 24-hour restaurant, and closes only on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Day, and New Year’s Eve after 6pm.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [diner]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, what time do you close?”

Me: “We don’t close until Thanksgiving; we’re 24 hours.”

Caller: “I don’t care what time you close on Thanksgiving! I want to know when you close TONIGHT.”

Me: “…five pm.”

Caller: “THANK YOU.” *hangs up*


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And They Say Time Travel Is Impossible

, , , , | Right | August 21, 2008

Customer: “How much longer is your department open today?”

Me: “Two hours.”

Customer: “Oh… uhm, you on Mountain Time, then?”

Me: “No, we’re on Pacific.”

Customer: “I’m in Mountain time, so in reality, you’re only there another hour.”

Me: “Sir, seriously, we’re here another two hours regardless of what time zone you’re in.”

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Only The Undead Ones

, , , | Right | August 15, 2008

(Our store is in a mall, but instead of having the gates like most stores, we have big glass doors.  The mall closes at 9 pm; at 9:30 pm, a customer comes up to the door.)

Customer: *pulls at the door, then knocks*

Employee: *goes over to the door and unlocks it*

Customer: “Are ya’ll closed?”

Employee: “Yes, and so is every other store in this mall.”

Customer: “Why? Ya’ll should stay open at night. Ain’t that when your customers come out?”


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Don’t Worry, We’ll Have The Giraffes Pull Double Shifts

, , , | Right | July 29, 2008

Visitor: “Hello, can you tell me how to get to the zoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the zoo closed at six pm today.”

Visitor: “But your website says that you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No it doesn’t.”

Visitor: “Do you have a computer with you right now to look it up? I even printed out the page that says you’re open 24 hours a day.”

Me: “No, I don’t right now, but I’ve looked at it many times before and it doesn’t say that anywhere. Can I see the paper you printed out?”

Visitor: “I don’t have it with me, but it said that you’re open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.”

Me: “Think about this. No zoo on earth would be open 24 hours a day. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense! Are you sure you had the right website?”

Visitor: “Of course I’m sure! Why would your website lie?”

Me: “It doesn’t say that! Look at the door and our brochure right over there. They, along with our website, clearly say that we close at six pm. Now, we’re closed so you need to leave and come back when we’re open to see the animals.”

Visitor: “But your website says I should be able to see them now! This is ridiculous!” *storms off*

(I checked the website later that night and of course, there’s nothing there that even suggests we might be open any later than six pm.)

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Murphy’s Law And Customers: Do Not Mix

, , , | Right | July 25, 2008

Customer: “Hey, I’m booked to get the train tomorrow at 0800 to Manchester. Can you tell me if the train will be on time?”

Me: “Good morning. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to predict if it will be on time, but this one is fairly reliable.”

Customer: “How come you can’t just tell me if it’s going to be on time?

Me: “Well, there’s any number of things that could go wrong on the day that I couldn’t predict. For example flooding, the train breaking down, maybe even a sick dri–”

Customer: “Oh, my god! All those things are going to be wrong with the train?”

Me: “No, I’m sure not all that will happen at once. Those are just examples.”

Customer: “So it’s on time, then?”

Me: *Giving up* “Yes, it’ll be on time.”

Customer: “Great, why didn’t you just say that?”

(Sure enough the next day the whole mainline was brought to a standstill by a lorry hitting a rail bridge.)

Customer: “YOU SAID IT WOULD BE ON TIME! NOW I’M GOING TO BE F****** LATE!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I doubt I would have been able to predict that! There will be a bus coming to take you to a different station where you can–”

Customer: *rants abusively*

Manager: “Look, would you just piss off? We are not omniscient! Next time you need to book a train, book it somewhere else!”

Customer: *storms out*

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