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Miracle On 24th Street

, , , , | Right | May 15, 2009

(I had activated a phone for a new customer with a standard two-year agreement. The next day, she comes back into the store, clearly irritated.)

Me: “Hi, welcome back. How is your new phone working?”

Customer: “You messed up my contract. You need to fix it.”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem with your contract?”

Customer: “You said I had a two-year contract, but on this paperwork, it says 24 months. You need to fix it.”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing wrong with the contract.”

Customer: “Yes, there is. You said two years and this says 24 months!”

Me: “Ma’am… how many months are in a year?”

Customer: “Twel–oh…well, now I feel stupid!”

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Reach Out And Touch Someone’s Nerve

, , , | Right | May 13, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Good morning. [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “I need to speak to a computer technician.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but nobody’s in right now. We don’t open for another twenty minutes or so. Did you want to try calling back in about half an hour?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Um… okay. Can I take a message for them to call you back?”

Customer: “No! I called NOW, so I want to talk to a computer technician NOW!”

Me: “…but there’s nobody in to take your call.”

Customer: “I need to speak with your manager.”

Me: “Uh, why?”

Customer: *angry* “I’M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED BECAUSE YOU MADE ME THINK YOU WERE OPEN BY ANSWERING YOUR F****** PHONE!”

Me: “So… you would’ve been happier if nobody answered?”

Customer: “OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!”

Me: “I think I do. Bye now!” *click*

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If You Can’t Beat Them, Annoy Them

, , , | Right | May 11, 2009

(The customer has demanded a supervisor, and I am the supervisor who takes this call.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hi, my name is [My Name], supervisor on the floor. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My Internet is down and I need it up now! Your stupid agent told me I have an appointment for tomorrow morning! What YOU need to do is give me one today!”

(I check the schedule and there is nothing available.)

Me: “I do apologize, ma’am, but it seems that we don’t have anyone available for today. But, it looks like we have someone coming out tomorrow morn–”

Customer: “I don’t care about tomorrow! I want someone today! Either you cancel someone else’s appointment and give me one today, or I will stay on this phone until you decide to! And I know you can’t hang up on me!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you’re frustrated, but there is no way for me to get you an appointment today.”

Customer: “Well, I guess it sucks for you then, huh? I’m not hanging up this phone.”

Me: “Even if you stay on, it won’t change the appointments. We are overbooked today.”

Customer: “Well, I guess you’re not getting anything done today! Since I can’t do anything, you won’t either. Your work will never be done!”

Me: “Okay, you can stay on the phone. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “Horrible!”

Me: “I’m doing fine myself.”

Customer: “…so when’s my appointment for tomorrow?”


This story is part of the Impatient Customers roundup!

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Just, Like, Smile And Nod

, , , | Right | May 8, 2009

(A bubbly teenager walks up to the counter with a roll of film in her hand.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Teenage customer: “Like, how long does it, like, take to do one hour photo?”

Me: “About sixty minutes.”

Teenage customer: “Really?! Like, oh my gawd! That’s, like, so totally cool! Wait ’til I tell my mom it’s, like, totally not gonna take an hour!”

Me: *smiles*


This story is part of the Old-Technology roundup!

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Consideration Is Key

, , | Right | May 4, 2009

(A customer comes through the drive-thru two minutes before close and orders seven blended drinks. She starts talking to me through the window as I’m working on her drinks.)

Customer: “Isn’t it so annoying when people come through ordering blended beverages right before close?”

Me: *politely* “Well, it’s not too much of a hassle. It just takes a while to make each of them, that’s all.”

Customer: “Oh. Then I’d like to order four more, please. And can you hurry? I’m late for work.”


This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

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