Neverending Query

, , | Right | July 10, 2008

(The phone rings at 11 pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. .How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Why are you answering the phone?”

Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand. Why are you closed?”

Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10 pm.”

Customer: “But I don’t understand… Why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?”

Me: *face desk*

(It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.)

Me: *to other employees* “You wouldn’t believe this lady…”

*phone rings*

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “So, why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?”

Me: *multiple face desks*

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The War Of 1812 Redux

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2008

(I’ve just finished setting up this individual’s service call to get a technician out to his house. I flub a few words, because it’s 2 in the morning.)

Me: “So the technician will be out sometime between 8 and 6 pm next Tuesday, then.”

Customer: “Is this call center located in The United States of America?”

Me: “Actually, we’re outsourced. I’m in Canada.”

Customer: “BECAUSE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 6 COMES BEFORE 8 YOU STUPID F**K. BE HAPPY THAT I DON’T DISCONNECT MY SERVICE FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU G***D**N FOREIGNER!”

Me: “…thank you for calling, have a great day!”

Customer: *hangs up*


This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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Procrastinology, B.S.

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2008

Dorm resident: “Hi. What’s the policy on moving out? When do we have to be out by?”

Me: “Saturday morning by 10 AM, at the latest. We’d really prefer it if you could make arrangements to be out sooner, though.”

Dorm resident: “Well… what about later than that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not possible. We’re starting a rather large remodeling project that’s on a very tight schedule. They need to get started that morning. If you are here past 10, you’ll be charged the improper checkout fee.”

Dorm resident: “So… what about, like, 10:30?”

Me: “Uhh…that’s later than 10, isn’t it? If you want to get very technical about it, you’d be guilty of trespassing at that point, and the police would be helping you move out.”

(For the record, that’s not entirely true, but we’ve been encouraged to say that to convince the little darlings to get out.)

Dorm resident: “Well, that’s just not fair! What if it’s an emergency?”

Me: “You’re planning to have an emergency over a week in advance?”

Dorm resident: “F*** you.”

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Someone Who Actually Lives Under A Rock

, , | Right | April 27, 2008

(A man has been waiting for a table at a full restaurant for fifteen minutes. A family of four walks in with reservations and is immediately seated. The man approaches the hostess.)

Man: “I’ve been waiting here for fifteen minutes. Why were they seated before me?”

Hostess: “I’m sorry, sir, but they called to reserve a table.”

Man: “What, just because they called they get a table right when they come in?”

Hostess: “Yes, sir, they called ahead to reserve a table.”

Man: “Well, that’s dumb! So if I go outside and call can I come back in and get a table right now?”

Hostess: “No, sir, I’m sorry, but we require at least a couple hours notice for reservations.”

Man: “Well that’s God-d*** stupid! So he calls and gets a table right away, but I can’t call and get a table? What the h*** is wrong with this place?”

*man storms out*

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Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2008

(A man walks into the store with a broken appliance in a bag.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ve had this for about a month now and it broke, so I want a refund.”

Me: “Sir, we’re a liquidation store. All sales are final, but I can replace this item for you.”

(A coworker of mine grabs another one off the shelf and switches it for the customer.)

Customer: “How do I know this one won’t break down in a month like the last one?”

Me: “That’s the thing, we don’t know. If I had some kind of time acceleration chamber, we could put it in there, dial it up to one month from now and see how it’s doing.”

Customer: “Pfft! So what am I supposed to do, take it home and use it for a month and come back if it doesn’t work?”

Me: “Either that, or stay here for the next month.”

Customer: “What about my gas money I spend coming back and forth?”

Me: “Driving your car is a luxury, you could take the bus!”

(At this point a line was forming behind the customer…and the customers in line were regulars who are always joking around with me.)

Old Man: “I rode a horse here today!”

Old Woman: “I rode a mule!”

Customer: *takes his new product and storms out*

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