Doesn’t Have That Friday Feeling

, , , , , , | Romantic | September 7, 2017

(It’s Friday, a workday in the USA. I make my wife and myself breakfast every day, typically eggs and toast.)

Me: “I have to go, I’m late.”

Wife: “Late for what?”

Me: “I still go to the 10:00 meeting. I’m late for work.”

Wife: “What?”

Me: “I work today. It’s Friday. I work on Fridays. It’s America.”

Wife: “It’s Friday?”

Me: “Yes; do you feel like it’s Saturday?”

Wife: “You served me breakfast in bed.”

Me: “But if it’s Saturday, how come you didn’t get your egg poached with salmon and capers and cheese?”

Wife: “I’m going to check.”

Me: “How come we didn’t watch Saturday morning breakfast cartoons?”

Wife: “It’s really Friday!”

Me: “You must have thought your Saturday morning really sucked.”

We’re Closed And Hopefully So Is Your Bladder

, , , | Right | August 21, 2017

(The store I work at closes at 10 pm; it is actually 10:02 when my manager is letting out our last late customers and locking up. We have a man then rush through the automatic doors. He catches it with his shoulder so hard that he actually knocks them off of their tracks.)

Man: “Whoo! I made it! Just in time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve actually closed.”

Man: “Nope! I made it before you locked the doors; gotta let me stay now!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but that’s not how it works. We have closed for the night.”

Man: “Well, that’s fine. I just need to use your bathroom. I’ll be back.”

(At this point my manager, who has popped the doors back into place, steps forward.)

Manager: “Sir? I can’t let you do that. As it is you’re lucky you didn’t actually break the door. You need to leave. Now.”

Man: “I’m not buying anything. I’m just taking a leak. I’ll be fast.”

Manager: “Sir, we have closed; you know this. You have to leave.”

Man: “Well, f*** you, then!”

Closing That Line Of Questioning

, , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(A customer has just purchased some material.)

Customer: “Okay, I will pick it up Friday.”

Me: “Sounds great.”

Customer: “You close at five?”

Me: “Yes, we close at five on Friday.”

Customer: “And if I come at six?”

Me: “…no one will be here?”

(Cue crestfallen face from customer.)

Customer: “Oh.”

That’s A Fresh Reason To Complain

, , , , , , | Right | August 16, 2017

(I work overnight at an independently-owned franchise of a very large fast food company that has a reputation for making sandwiches and fries in bulk ahead of time and leaving them in warmers to save time on orders. Many, many customers complain about this and will often resort to claiming allergies to ensure their food is made fresh. However, at my location, we cook everything to order late at night to maintain quality and to prevent food waste. We only have three or four people on this shift but only the drive-thru is open at this time, and we all wear headsets; that way, when an order comes through we can all hear it and we know what to make. Cook times are very similar on food items and are usually only just a few minutes (with only one or two exceptions) so while drive-thru is taking the order someone makes fries while someone else cooks meat, etc. so that everything comes out together and the wait time for the customer really isn’t much longer than if we made everything ahead of time. We get a lot of people like cops, hospital workers, cab drivers, and other people working late who really appreciate being able to get a hot meal late at night and we rarely get complaints.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! What can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “Hey! I want three cheeseburgers, no ketchup or onions, one large fry, and a large chocolate milkshake.”

Me: “Okay that’s [repeats order]. No problem! Your total is [total] and I will see you at the first window.”

(He pulls up and starts counting out his money. Someone calls out the time on my headset and says they are getting ready to bring the food back to me.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s [total]. Your food is going to be out in just a minute so I’m going to have you stay at this window.”

Customer: *pulling back his hand with the money in it* “NO.”

Me: *confused* “No?”

Customer: “No. I’m not waiting. I want my food NOW. This is [Fast Food Company]. Why am I waiting?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We make all the food to order at this location but when I said ‘just a minute’ I meant that literally. That wasn’t very clear and I do apologize. You actually have—“ *leaning around the corner to see the timer on the grill* “—45 seconds left.”

Customer: “I didn’t come here for fresh food! You don’t have any just sitting around you can just scrape the toppings off of?”

Me: “Umm…”

(His food was already done by that point so I cashed him out and wished him a good night but I couldn’t believe someone complained that we didn’t have food just sitting around.)

The Daily Grind

, , , , , | Working | August 15, 2017

(I serve in a restaurant that offers a little of everything. On this Tuesday morning, I am physically and mentally exhausted as I’d gotten off the night shift Monday night at 10:30 pm. So, I am the one Not Always Working. This is my second table of the day, around noon.)

Me: “Hello! My name is [My Name] and I’ll be taking care of you this evening…”

(The three guests look confused but not angry so I quickly amend what I said.)

Me: “This morning…”

(More confusion with just a hint of grins all the way around.)

Me: “This afternoon…”

Guest #1: *with a smile* “Aw, sometime today, right?”

(Guests #2 and #3 start laughing and even I laugh at myself.)

Me: “Yeah, sometime today! I’m sorry, I worked the night shift last night and I’m still a little tired.”

Guest #2: “It’s okay, honey.”

Me: “Thank you. So, can I get you started with something to drink?”

Guest #1: “Will it be out today?”

Me: *grinning* “I promise it will.”

(The rest of my shift went off without a hitch. That particular group gave me a pretty good tip and were still joking with me even as they were leaving. One of my favorite groups of customers so far!)

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