Best You Sit Down For This One…

| NY, USA | Right | May 19, 2017

(A friend of mine sells tickets to popular theatre shows over the phone. She posts her not so great experiences on Facebook and this is one of the better ones.)

Me: “My best available tickets for that date are [X] and [Y].”

Customer: “What does that mean, best available?”

Me: “It means the most central seats closest to the stage. They are also the most expensive, though. Would you like me to look for cheaper tickets?”

Customer: “Wait, there are different prices? Why would I pay more than someone else when I’m just going to go early to pick my seat?”

Me: “Um, it doesn’t work like that. When you buy a ticket, you’re buying a specific seat. When you go to the show, you have to sit in that seat.”

Customer: “But I won’t know what seat I want until that day. How do you expect me to know what mood I’ll be in?”

Me: “I don’t, but I can walk you through ticket options if you’d like.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous.”

(I never have this problem at the movies.)

Me: “These are theatre tickets, not movie tickets.”

Customer: “Oh. What number is this?”

The Number One Way To Travel

| USA | Right | December 29, 2015

(I work customer service via email for a large ticketing company, usually dealing with disabled customers in need of specialty seating.)

Customer: “I need an aisle seat for my husband.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we’re out of aisle seats for that event. Is there another way we could accommodate him?”

Customer: “Well, he can walk okay, but he has a bladder problem so he has to pee frequently. I just wanted an aisle seat so he could get in and out quickly. But I guess he could wear a poncho and pee under it at his seat into a mayo jar. You know, like on an airplane?”

Me: “…Um. Well… wait. LIKE ON AN AIRPLANE?!”

Worst Possible Service

| NY, USA | Working | August 31, 2015

(I’m at a well known ticket booth in Times Square to buy Broadway tickets for me and a friend. My friend was particular about getting close seats.)

Me: “I’d like two tickets to [Show]. Do I have any choice about the location of the seats?”

Employee: “Well, the computer automatically gives ‘best available.’ But if you want, I can give you ‘worst available’

Me: “…”

The Emperors New Clothes

, | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | January 15, 2015

(I am the manager. I am only a few years older than the student who is working at the window, but today I decide to dress in more ‘manager-like clothes’ than my usual jeans and oversized t-shirt, while the student (who is on his third shift) is wearing gym clothes. A fancy-looking couple come to the window.)

Student: “How can I help you today?”

Woman: “We want tickets to all the dance performances this season, and we’d like to sit in the mezzanine. That’s the only place you can REALLY see the dancing.”

(We have had tickets on sale for several months, so all of the mezzanine is sold, as are most of the best seats.)

Student: “I’m afraid those seats are unavailable, but I can show you on this chart what we do have?”

Man: *leaning toward the window* “I don’t think you understand. We want to be able to SEE the dancing. Do you understand?”

Woman: “What do you have in these rows? This row should have a very good vantage point for us to really see the dancers.” *she points to rows that are no longer available*

Student: “I’m afraid those seats are sold, but these ones I’m showing you will have an excellent view, I can assure you…”

(The couple are beginning to get frustrated, and the student worker is not able to get a word in. I decide to go to the window.)

Me: “Hi, I’m one of the managers. Can I help you?”

Woman: “He won’t sell us mezzanine seats! How are we supposed to see the dancers?”

Me: *toward the computer screen and pretending to scrutinize* “Oh, yes, I see the problem. If it were me, I would want these seats.”

(I point to the exact same seats the student has picked, just on the House Left instead of House Right.)

Me: “That way, you’ll get a full empty aisle view and fewer heads in the way. Plenty of room to see the dancers!”

Woman: “Thank you!”

(They ordered “those seats the lady said were good” for the rest of the dance shows. I told the student later that he could have me do that same thing any time as long as he checked that I was wearing nice clothes!)

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Stupidity Goes Up To Eleven

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Right | June 14, 2013

Customer: “Hi, I would like two tickets for [show].”

Me: “Actually, it is [other ticket office] selling the shows in that venue.”

Customer: “So, do you have their phone number?”

Me: “Sure thing, it’s ###-###-1111.”

Customer: “Liar! You’re giving me a fake number because you don’t want me to buy tickets from your competitors!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I assure you, that really is their phone number. They don’t sell the same shows as we do, so we don’t mind if you do business with them. I give that number out many times a day.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! My phone’s dial pad stops at 9! So how can a phone number end with 11-11? You’re lying to me!”

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