His Rules Look Good On Paper

, , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Learning Right | January 18, 2018

Throwback ThursdaysThrowback Thursday!  Enjoy this awesome story you might have missed.  What’s your favorite reason you or someone else missed a class?  Write about it in the comments! This counts as 30% of your grade!

 

(It’s the first day of class and our history professor is explaining the syllabus. He gets to the part concerning exams, and because he’s had problems in the past with people trying to take advantage of the situation he has some strict rules regarding them:)

Professor: “All of your tests, including the midterm and final exams, will be a list of take-home essay questions. You will have to pick eight out of ten possible questions to answer. Minimum of two typed pages per question. I warn you, however, I will not accept late exams whatsoever. I don’t care if your grandma died, if you were in the hospital, if you were in a car accident… If that test is not on my desk before I greet the class on the due date, you fail.”

(Cut to the morning the midterm is due. I get into a nasty accident on the freeway on my way to class. I don’t need an ambulance, but a passing nurse and the arriving police do administer some emergency first aid on the scene. My boyfriend picks me up as my totaled car is towed away, and I beg him to take me to campus to drop off my paper on our way to the hospital. As I approach the classroom minutes before class is set to begin, I see my professor enter ahead of me. I hobble as fast as I can to get to the room, but I hear him talking to the class before I enter. He hears me as I enter but his back is turned so he can’t see me.)

Professor: “You’re late. Your paper fails. Just toss it in the trash.”

Student #1: “Dude… look at her!”

(The professor turns towards me and freezes in shock. I’m standing in the doorway with a black eye and broken nose, cuts from shattered glass on my face and arms, and bloody bandages and clothes all over. I walk into the classroom, drop my test on his desk, and turn around to leave.)

Me: “I don’t care if I fail. I finished it on time, and I got it here, and I wanted you to know that.”

Professor: “What happened to you? Are you okay?”

Me: “Car accident. Oh, and I’m going to miss class today. Going to the hospital now.”

(I walk out the door to complete silence, but as I turn the corner, through the open door I can hear another student yell to the professor:)

Student #2: “YOU JINXED HER! THAT IS SO YOUR FAULT!”

(He didn’t fail my test, and I even got extra credit on it. I became friends with him and later tutored in that subject even after I’d graduated. Three years later I got one of his students, and he told me that the professor still uses me as an example to other classes that he still won’t accept late papers because if I can manage to get my test in, they all should!)

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Brunch Time Crunch Time

, | USA | Right Working | January 11, 2018

Throwback Thursdays THROWBACK THURSDAY!  Check out this story that you may not have seen before.  What sneaky things have caused your company to lose money?  Tell us about it the comments!

 

(Recently my restaurant has been really struggling to make a profit. We have a decent amount of customers but we never are able to break even. In an attempt to come up with ideas to increase our profits I call a team meeting with all the staff.)

Me: “Hey, everyone. Turns out we haven’t been hitting out goals for the month. Does anyone have any ideas on how we could bring in more customers?”

Waitress: “We could put a big sign out to advertise more.”

Me: “A good idea, but unfortunately we don’t really have the funds to get said big sign.”

Chef #1: “We could maybe use cheaper food?”

Chef #2: “Nah, we don’t want people to think we’re too cheap to give them good food.”

(A few more ideas are pitched out with no luck.)

Waitress: “I know it seems mean, but maybe we could skip next Monday’s charity brunch.”

Me: “Haha! We’re not even open on Monday.”

Chef #1: “Yeah, we are. We always do the charity brunch.”

Me: “Nice joke, guys, but I know we aren’t open on Monday.”

(They weren’t joking. As it turned out my now ex-assistant restaurant manager was claiming to be the owner to their friends and would open my restaurant every Monday to give their friends free brunch!)

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Going To Get Charged With Nine Months

, | CT, USA | Right | January 4, 2018

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you might have missed.  Do you have any stories about someone trying to sneak merchandise out of a store?  Let us know in the comments!

 

(I work in this small grocery store and we don’t get many customers until one day…)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, could you help me with my stuff.”

(The lady has a large stomach.)

Me: “Sure, ma’am.”

(I help her, but she slips a bit and I see a watermelon sticking out a bit from her shirt.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to remove the watermelon from your shirt.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU DISRESPECTFUL B****?! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M PREGNANT?!”

Me: “I can see it slipping from your shirt…”

(At this point the customer started running away, but fell over herself. The watermelon splattered everywhere and she kept screaming MY BABY! MY POOR BABY! but realized it was useless and she was caught. That really made my day.)

 

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All Scrooged Up

, | | Right | December 21, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysTHROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s a crazy misunderstanding experience you’ve had? Let us know in the comments!

(My boss is a realtor; she has sign toppers for various occasions. This one happened to be for the Christmas season: “Home for the Holidays”.)

Customer: “I’m calling about the ‘Home for the Holidays’ house.”

Me: “Sure, what’s the address?”

(She reads it to me.)

Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

Customer: “When can I move in?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry–do you mean you want to write an offer for the house?”

Customer: “No, it says ‘Home for the Holidays.’ I want to move in before Christmas.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We’re not giving the house away, we’re selling it.”

Customer: “Well I can’t afford a house!” *click*

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In Soviet Russia, Accent Speaks You

, | Bronx, NY, USA | Right | December 14, 2017

Throwback Thursdays

THROWBACK THURSDAY! Check out this awesome story that you may have missed! What’s the wildest experience you’ve had with the police while at work? Let us know in the comments!

 

(The phone rings.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Pizza… Oh, f***, not again.”

(She hangs up. A few customers come and go, and the phone rings again.)

Cashier: “Hello, [Name] Piz— f*** this!”

Customer: “Hey, lady, problem with the phone?”

Cashier: “Some sicko keeps calling from a blocked number and making creepy comments.”

Customer: “Hang on. I gotta go find my friend.”

(He pays and leaves… and comes back with a 6’8″ NYPD police officer.)

Police Officer: *with a minor Russian accent* “I hear you’re having a problem with a caller?”

Customer: “No, no. Do the accent! Make it f***in’ scary!”

Police Officer: *in a deeper voice with a thick accent* “Excuse me. I hear you have problem with caller?”

(The cashier explains. The police officer orders a slice of pizza, and he and his friend sit and chat for a few minutes. Then the phone rings.)

Cashier: “It’s a blocked number!”

Police Officer: *on the phone, with the accent* “Hello…. You are thinking my body is what? I am thinking your body probably very fragile. Very easy to— Oh, he hung up.”

(They stare at the phone a few minutes.)

Customer: “Problem solved?”

Cashier: *to customer* “So… is your buddy there single?”

Police Officer: *in accent* “Boris have many women. All are love him!”

Customer: “You’re married and your name isn’t Boris!”

Police Officer: “Boris is name of accent. Has life of its own.”

See this story as a comic!

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