Acting Totally Incremental

, , | TX, USA | Right | February 22, 2018

Throwback Thursdays

THROWBACK THURSDAY!  Check out this awesome story you might have missed. Have you ever gotten a big tip for a weird reason?  Tell us about it in the comments!

 

(I am out on delivery late at night. The customer to whom I am delivering has been very drunk on the phone. When I arrive at his house, he stumbles outside to meet me, pulling out his wallet. A girl follows him outside.)

Me: “Mr. [Drunken Customer]?”

Drunken Customer: “Yep, that’s me.”

Me: “Here you are, sir! Your total this evening will be $46.70!”

Drunken Customer: “Okay. Here you go.”

(The customer hands me $70.)

Me: “Of course, sir; let me get your change.”

(I hand back a twenty dollar bill and three ones, but he won’t take it.)

Drunken Customer: “Nope. No change. That’s your $5 tip right there.”

Me: “Um, yes, sir, I appreciate it very much, but—”

Drunken Customer: “No, no, no. Listen. 46 and whatever is like 47, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Drunken Customer: “Well, fifty minus forty-seven is this three, right?” *points to the three $1 bills*

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Drunken Customer: “That leaves the two and the zero.” *points at the $20 bill* “And two plus zero is two, and then plus the other $3, and two plus three is five, and that’s your $5 tip!”

Girl: “Just take it and go. He thinks he’s good at math when he’s drunk.”

Me: “Thank you very much, sir! Have a wonderful evening!”

Drunken Customer: “Don’t spend all your $5 in one place!”

(He is the best tipping customer of the night! When I get back to the store, my manager can’t believe how thoroughly the customer explained his math!)

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Don’t Bank On His Language Skills

, , | Newark, NJ, USA | Learning Right | February 15, 2018

Throwback ThursdaysThrowback Thursday! Here’s a terrific story you may not have seen before.  Do you have a story about a mistaken translation in a language lesson?  Danos su historio en los comentarios!

 

(I’m an after-school English tutor for our exchange students. The assignment today is a brief speech about what everyone in your family does, but no dictionaries are allowed while they’re writing the speech.)

German Student: “Okay. I can go first?”

Me: “Okay, [German Student], go ahead.”

German Student: “My mother is a nurse. She works at a big hospital in Essen. She takes care of new babies who are born with sickness. When she was young, she was a nurse in Moscow. My father is an ATM. He—”

Me: *interrupting* “A what?”

German Student: “ATM.”

Me: “A banker?”

German Student: “No! ATM! He met my mother at hospital! He is a wagon-driver!”

(He makes siren noises and flashes the classroom lights.)

Me: “Oh… an EMT?”

German Student: “Oh, yes. EMT.”

(He finishes the speech without incident. Next up is a nervous Spanish student.)

Spanish Student: “My father, uh, is… My father is an avocado.”

(His father is an ‘abogado’: a lawyer.)

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Playing Unfair With The Fairer Sex

, , , | Right | February 8, 2018

Throwback ThursdaysThrowback Thursday!  Here’s an awesome story you may not have seen before.  Has there been a time when a customer has assumed you’re incompetent?  Let us know in the comments!

 

(I provide Internet support over the phone. I am the only qualified technician working today. I also happen to be female.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company] Internet support. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, hello, sweetheart. I didn’t realize I’d reached the reception. Would you please connect me to Internet support?”

Me: “This is Internet support. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I want help with a technical problem. I can’t talk to you. I want to talk to a man!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that I’ll be able to help you with your technical problem. I am the qualified technician here today.”

Customer: “You are a girl! You have no clue how to help me! This is man stuff. I demand to speak with a man!”

(This continues for ten minutes. The customer gets more and more aggravated, and starts yelling nasty comments. I give up, and connect him to my coworker, who sits next to me. My coworker is male.)

Coworker: “Welcome to [Company] Internet support. My name is [Coworker]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Finally, a man! My Internet is so unstable these days; I can’t seem to stay on it! It takes forever to load and the speed is horrible!”

Coworker: “Sir, I see the problem, and I’m sending a report. It will be fixed on Monday.”

Customer: “What?! It’s Saturday! Why do you have to wait until Monday? I want it fixed now!”

Coworker: “Well, we would need a qualified technician to log into the system to fix your line. It’s Saturday, so there is only one qualified technician working.”

Customer: “Get him to fix it now! I demand to speak with him!”

Coworker: “Sir, you have already spoken to her.”

Customer: “Wait. Her?”

Coworker: “Yes. You spoke to our only qualified technician earlier today. You yelled profanities at her, and demanded to speak to a man.”

Customer: “So, I’ll be lucky if my Internet is up again on Monday?”

Coworker: “You’ll be lucky if you have Internet at all.”

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An Eye For An Eyepatch

, , , , | Beaverton, OR, USA | Right | February 1, 2018

Throwback Thursdays

Throwback Thursday!  Check out this awesome story that you may not have seen before. Have you had to deal with a customer who made a rude assumption about you? Tell us about it in the comments?

 

(I’m the only employee still working a cash register late one night. I’ve got a long line, and the next customer keeps glaring at me.)

Me: “Hello, miss, sorry about the wait. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “I’m so sick of you people.”

Me: “Of who?”

Customer: “First, that awful girl stacking the shelves with the pink hair, and now you with that… thing on your face! Why are you brats so desperate for attention?”

(Two years ago, I lost my right eye in an accident. I wear an eyepatch now.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a fashion statement. I really need—”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me!”

(Without warning, she lunges across the counter and grabs the patch, snapping the cord and pulling it off. She laughs with triumph for about a second before she sees my empty eye socket.)

Customer: *screams and runs out of the store, leaving her items but taking the eyepatch*

(That customer never came back. Fortunately, I have a lot of spare eyepatches, but I had to finish the rest of my shift that night with a paper bandage over the socket.)

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Siri Should Answer Every Unreasonable Customer Ever

, , | Toledo, OH, USA | Friendly Right | January 25, 2018

 

Throwback ThursdaysThrowback Thursday!  Here’s an awesome story you may not have seen before.  In the comments, share with us your favorite tale of technology frustrations!

 

(I approach the bus stop to find an old man yelling at his iPhone. This is more or less what goes down.)

Old Man: “Da** it, what bus goes home?”

Siri: “I don’t know your home address.”

Old Man: “WHAT BUS GOES HOME?!”

Siri: “I don’t know your home address.”

Old Man: “WHAT BUS TAKES ME TO MY GOD-D*** HOUSE?!”

Siri: “I don’t know your home address. Tap your name to add it.”

Old Man: “No, you’ll steal it!”

Siri: “Who, me?”

Old Man: “YES, YOU!”

Siri: “And you.”

Old Man: “ANSWER MY QUESTION, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF JUNK!”

Siri: “Well… I’m still here for you.”

Old Man: *yells in frustration*

Siri: “What’s that again?”

(Without warning, the old man chucked the phone across the street and stamped off down the sidewalk.)

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