Slanged Up Gets You Banged Up

, | Right | June 21, 2013

(I work in a second-hand store. We are similar to a pawn store, but we don’t offer loans. It’s been a really hectic day, and my patience is starting to wear a little thin. A wannabe ‘thug-gangsta’ comes in, and throws a few PS3 games at me.)

Thug: “I wanna pawn deez.”

Me: “Sorry man, we don’t pawn. If you’d like to sell them, I’ll take a look for you.”

(The thug nods, and I check the games for condition, and then look up the games for their value.)

Me: “Alright man, given how these games have been marked down, you’re looking at about $27.”

Thug: “H*** no! You know how much I paid for dem?!”

Me: “Yeah, I’m a gamer. I understand what price the games were, but given how old these games are, they’re not worth as much now.”

Thug: “F*** you! They ain’ worf nothin’!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to keep the language down, or take your things and leave.”

Thug: “Who the f*** is you?! You can’t tell me what to do; matter of fact I got the ratchet in the car!”

(Ratchet is slang for a gun. I decide to act stupid.)

Me: “A Ratchet? What kind is it? Snap-On, Mac-Tools? What? Bring it in I’ll see if I can’t get you anything for it.”

(The thug starts to get louder. A regular of mine walks in. He’s a cop, and off duty. He’s watching the thug with an arched eyebrow.)

Thug: “No you fat mother-f*****. I got a gun in the car, and I will shoot you!”

Me: “Sir, do you realize you’re threatening me in front of an off-duty police officer?”

Thug: “Ain’t no mother-f****** police in here!”

(I see the cop behind him pull out his wallet to show his badge, and I just smirk.)

Me: “Turn around.”

(The thug turns around, and sees the badge. He snatches his games off the table, and runs out of the door. The police officer gives me his cell phone number, telling me to call him if that thug comes back.)

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Scanning Ahead

, , , , , , | Right | June 17, 2013

(I work at a second-hand store that mainly sells games and consoles, but also some computers and computer accessories. A customer is standing near the scanners, so I go to help him.)

Me: “Hi there .How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a copier.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t carry those.”

Customer: “What about these?”

Me: “Those are scanners.”

Customer: “You can make copies with those?”

Me: “In a way, yes. You can scan an image, print it and you’ll have a copy. It’s an okay method if you only need a few copies once in a while. For big volumes it’s not really that great unless you have a really good printer.”

Customer: “I don’t have a printer.”

Me: “Well, a scanner won’t be a good solution as a copier then, unless you buy a printer also. We don’t carry printers unfortunately, since used printers are very unreliable.”

Customer: “That is just stupid! What is the point of this copy machine if you need other machines with it also?”

Me: “That is a scanner. Its purpose is to convert documents and images to a form that a computer can—”

Customer: “Wait! Why are you talking about computers? I don’t have a computer and I don’t want one! I see what you’re doing. You just want to make me buy useless stuff I don’t need!”

Me: “I can assure you—”

Customer: “You can assure me of nothing! I’ll take that one.”

(The customer points to the cheapest scanner, smiling smugly.)

Me: “You will have absolutely no use for that without a computer. And I must point out that we are not required to give refunds on functioning products. You really should not buy that.”

Customer: “I’ll take it!”

(The customer grabs the scanner and walks towards the check out. I follow him, and before the cashier rings him through I stop him for a moment.)

Me: “Sir, again I advise you not to buy the scanner, and again I’m informing you we will not be taking it back unless it’s broken. It’s a lot of extra work for taking back functioning products. We need to do some paperwork and test the product again before reselling it. So please, for all our sakes, don’t buy it.”

Customer: “Here’s the money!”

(The customer pays and leaves. I put a notice in our system not to take the scanner back unless it’s really broken. A few days later, I’m called from the office to the cash registers, and there he is; the same customer.)

Customer: “This here piece of s*** you sold me doesn’t work! I want my money back.”

Me: “How is it broken?”

Customer: “Completely! It doesn’t do anything!”

Me: “So I won’t be able to scan anything with it?”

Customer: “No you won’t!”

(We have a testing computer set up on the buy-in counter. I go through the process of hooking up the scanner while the customer watches. With a pen I write something on a blank paper, scan it and print out the scan. I hand the two papers to the customer. It says “No refund” on both papers.)

Me: “Seems to be working fine.”

(The customer grabbed the scanner and stormed out. We watched him as he threw the scanner to the pavement and shattered it, jumped into his car, and sped off.)

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The Honesty Of The Thievery Pants

| Right | March 28, 2013

(A man comes in and starts looking through the clothes. He grabs a pair of pants, and starts fast-walking towards the door.)

Coworker: “Sir, are you going to pay for those?”

Man: “No.”

Coworker: “Sir, we really need you to pay for those.”

Man: “NO!”

Me: “Please, sir! We need those back!”

Man: “I need them more!”

(The man bolts out the door. We look at each other for a moment dumbfounded, then burst out laughing.)

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Customer Slur-vice

| Working | December 3, 2012

(I am working as a cashier in a well-known thrift store. One day, the manager flops into a sofa and starts loudly mocking the customers using racial slurs, even though the store is full of paying customers.)

Coworker: *to my manager* “You’d better watch out. Some customers are right behind you.”

Manager: “Nah, they don’t know English, so they don’t know what I’m saying.”

Customer: “Excuse me? I understood perfectly what you were saying and it was disgusting! Rest assured, I’m going to complain and hopefully get you fired! You are a very bad man!” *storms out*

Manager: “Why? What did I do?!”

(One by one, the other customers leave, giving dirty looks to him. I throw down my apron and leave for good too. He got fired soon after that, I’ve heard.)

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Don’t Judge A Bull By Its Cover

| Working | June 25, 2012

(I am at an animal charity thrift shop. They are passing out vouchers to help get dogs and cats spayed and neutered. An employee approaches me.)

Employee: “Hello, how many pit bulls do you have?”

Me: “I don’t have pit bulls. I need the vouchers for two male cats.”

Employee: “Okay, and what’s your address?”

Me: *I give her my address*

Employee: “…and how many pit bulls do you have?”

Me: “I do not have pit bulls. It’s for two male cats.”

Employee: “What’s your name?”

Me: *I give her my name*

Employee: “How many pit bulls did you say you have?”

Me: “I do not have any pit bulls. It’s for two male cats.”

Employee: “Okay. Well, you can take your pit bulls to—”

Me: “Ma’am, I DO NOT have pit bulls! Why do you keep asking me that?”

Employee: “Well, you just look like you do!”

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