If I Had A Dollar For Every Lie

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2017

(I work as a cashier at a non-profit thrift store. A customer comes up to my till full of what appears to be yarn and a few other crafting items.)

Customer: “This is all 50 and 25 cent stuff. Can I just tell you how many are 50 and how many are 25 so you don’t have to go through everything?”

Me: *a bit suspicious* “No, ma’am, I’ll need to go through it all. Just to be sure.

Customer: “But it’ll be so much faster this way.”

Me: “I insist, ma’am.”

(She argues for a little bit more but relents. Sure enough, the first layer of items are just balls of yarn priced 25 and 50 cents. But after that, there are a whole bunch of fabric bolts ranging from $1 to $2. As I’m going through her purchase, I’m politely mentioning the price of each item, as she just stares at me being completely silent. After she pays…)

Customer: “You should learn to be more trusting of others.”

Me: *stunned* “Umm… Thank you, ma’am. Have a wonderful day!”

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Almost Having A Senior Moment

| Right | November 23, 2016

(I’m working the register on Senior Discount Day. For some reason they made the age for “seniors” pretty young (55) which results in some odd looks when we ask if customers qualify, something we are required to do.)

Me: “So that will be [total]. Oh, wait! Do you qualify for our senior discount at 55?”

Lady: “Uh, no. I’m close though, I guess.” *jokingly offended* “Do I look like a senior to you? Why would you ask me that?”

Me: “Sorry, gotta ask everyone!”

Lady: “But still…”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m supposed to ask everyone who isn’t a teenager. And I think even you’d agree with me that you can’t pass for 18.”

Lady: *said between laughs* “That’s a good one!”

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Pumped Up With Assumptions

| Romantic | November 22, 2016

I leave my husband at home to watch our son so that I can get some clothes shopping done. When I get done and go to put my items on the counter, a horrible realization hits me as to what an observer might think of my purchases and their intended uses.

What am I buying? Some clothes for my son, a kids book… and a black lace corset and a manual air pump.

The pump is for some car maintenance, I swear! The corset I plead the fifth on.

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Sadly Bigotry Never Goes Out Of Style

| Friendly | July 18, 2016

(I am a young girl with a rather odd sense of style. I have half-shaved purple hair, a nose ring, large earrings, and am wearing a large leather trench coat. While waiting for a dressing room at the thrift store I notice a woman glaring at me. Just when a room opens up and I am moving to it she steps in front of me.)

Lady: “Where are your parents?”

Me: “Well, uh, they live in Wisconsin, ma’am. I’m 21.”

Lady: “And they let you dress like that?!”

Me: “I dress myself.”

Lady: *scoffs* “Well, honey, you’re never gonna get a boyfriend or a job like that.”

Me: “Ma’am, I make good money as a welder and I happen to have a girlfriend. Now, I’m just gonna use this room…”

(I move to the room again and again she blocks me.)

Lady: “You’re a disgusting Satanist!”

Me: “Okay, look, lady. I’m a Christian. My dad is a pastor. My grandfathers were both pastors. I probably know the bible better than you. And guess what? My lesbian lover? She’s a pastor! So why don’t you find someone else to hate.”

(The lady seemed thoroughly upset and disgusted and stormed out!)

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The Book Isn’t Shady Enough

| Right | June 15, 2016

(I work in the book department of a thrift store.)

Customer: “Do you have ‘Eleven Shades of Grey’?”

Me: “Right here, and it comes with thirty-nine more shades free!”

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