If They Had Been Having An Affair, Did She Think They’d Admit It?

, , , , , | Working | April 30, 2020

We have had a new counselor start with our agency who is one of the most socially awkward people I have ever met. She asks inappropriate questions, talks about weird topics, and is just generally odd.

Our agency has two separate locations that meet weekly for meetings. My husband works on one team and I work on the other. We are very conscious about not showing that we are together and at the max, we occasionally sit next to each other. While we don’t just come out and tell new hires we are married, most people figure it out due to us having the same last name.

The new hire is in our boss’s office when I walk by and she asks me a question.

New Hire: “Hey, [My Name], are you and [My Husband] having an affair?”

I stop and for a moment I’m unsure what to say. My boss is momentarily stunned, as well. I finally manage a response.

Me: “Uh, no. We’re actually married. To each other.”

[New Hire] thinks for a moment.

New Hire: “Oh, okay. That makes a lot more sense. I saw you sitting next to each other at the meeting.”

My boss was trying really hard not to laugh and waved me out of her office. I heard her telling [New Hire] that that was a “completely inappropriate” thing to ask.

My husband found it hysterical, as did our coworkers. I’ve been asked many times if my husband and I are together, but never like that!

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Unfiltered Story #190895

, , | Unfiltered | March 28, 2020

(During college I worked as a front desk associate for a massage therapy clinic. We had very strict rules on professionalism because, as many people know, there are lot of weirdos who think they can walk into a legitimate spa, clinic, or chiro office and get a “happy ending”. Those people were the bane of my existence, but these were the two weirdest ones I witnessed.)

Customer #1:
(I’m in the office doing our weekly log paperwork, but I can see my coworker checking clients out at the desk. A new client who’d gotten the massage as a gift, presumably from his wife, finished his appointment and was checking out.)
Coworker: Hello sir! I hope you had a relaxing massage today!
Customer: (Looking disappointed) Yeah, it was okay.
Coworker: Oh? Was there something about the treatment that you didn’t have time for?
Customer: Well, she didn’t do everything.
(NOTE: His particular therapist was blind, she was very good but people sometimes questioned if she’d done *everything* they asked for because of her vision impairment)
Coworker: Could you be more specific? (Thinking he’d wanted more time on his back or something.)
Customer: (Starting to look upset) Well, why didn’t she do my private areas?
Coworker: Um…What?
(I stand up from the desk but don’t come out of the office yet.)
Customer: WHY didn’t she do my private areas?! (Motions towards his groin.)
Coworker: Because that’s ILLEGAL!
(I step out of the office to find my coworker glaring at him, and the man’s face turning bright red.)
Me: Thank you for visiting us today, sir. Please note that we are a professional treatment clinic, not a massage parlor.
(The guy handed over his gift card and fled the lobby.)
Coworker: Did he really think his wife bought him a “happy ending” massage??

Customer #2:
(With massage therapy, the “problem” customers are usually men, but that doesn’t mean you can’t encounter a woman who’s off her rocker as well. We had a newer therapist who was fresh out of massage school, he was around 25, handsome, and a really sweet guy. He was building up money to go back to school for physical therapy and wanted the massage experience to add to his repertoire. During his second month as a licensed therapist, we had a middle-aged husband and wife come in for massages.)
Me: I’m terribly sorry, but our couple’s massage room is booked all weekend. We can accommodate you in separate rooms if you like?
Husband: That’s fine, I really need this sore spot in my back worked. (To his wife.) That okay with you, hon?
Wife: Sure!
(We get their intake paperwork done and send them back for their massages. The husband requested a female therapist and the wife requested a male, so we put her with our new therapist since his schedule wasn’t as full as the others. Not even twenty minutes into their hour-long massages, the therapist comes back into the lobby, his face is bright red and he looks extremely uncomfortable.)
Therapist: Hey (my name), can I talk to you?
Me: Sure, what’s up?
Therapist: I don’t know how to say this but…she’s saying some inappropriate things in there.
Me: Inappropriate how?
Therapist: She’s…um…well…she’s trying to talk dirty to me!
Me: *speechless for a minute* Really?
Therapist: Yeah…
Me: What is she saying?
Therapist: I don’t even want to repeat it!
Me: It’s okay, what did you tell her?
Therapist: I told her I needed to come out for a different kind of massage lotion, but I don’t know what else to do!
Me: Didn’t they train you in school how to handle inappropriate clients?
Therapist: They told the women what to do! They just told the guys we probably wouldn’t have many problems.
Me: Well that’s just stupid. You go back in there and tell her if she can’t speak to you in a professional manner then you’ll have to terminate the session.
Therapist: *nods rapidly* Yeah, okay, I can do that. What if she freaks out?
Me: Let her freak out. I’ll handle it if she does.
(NOTE: I wouldn’t be allowed to tell the woman’s husband what went on, but I would be allowed to ban her from the clinic if she didn’t heed her first and only warning. He went back in there, and did the rest of the session, although he ended a few minutes earlier than he normally would. The woman got back to the lobby before her husband, and was actually SULKING in a chair while she waited for him. Her husband came out a few minutes later and they can up to the desk.)
Me: How were your massages today?
Husband: Great!
Wife: *pouts* Fine…
Me: Wonderful! Your total today will be ($amount).
(They paid and left, and both therapists came out from the back.)
Female Therapist: (Male Therapist) told me what happened!
Me: Yeah, I know. (To him.) Did she listen to you when you warned her?
Male Therapist: Yeah…but she was mad the rest of the time, her shoulders were stuck all the way up into her ears.
Me: Well it’s her own fault for being so rude to you. (To the other therapist.) Was the husband ok?
Female Therapist: Oh yeah, he was fine!
Male Therapist: Figures…

A Wheelie Cool Therapist

, , , , , , | Healthy | March 16, 2020

(I’m a physical therapist. My next patient is reportedly frail; she’s wheelchair-bound and doesn’t leave her bed.)

Patient: “Can you teach me to do a wheelie?”

(I couldn’t help but laugh. She ended up being a fairly healthy girl, albeit with less muscle tone due to her condition. The reason she hadn’t left her bed? The nurses had put a bed alarm on her — standard procedure for someone like her — and she hated moving with an IV.

I wasn’t allowed to teach her how to do a wheelie, but I was able to teach the basic concept. Get a friend to pull you back, practice balancing for a while, and then try it on your own. Shove the wheels, hard, and have someone catch you when you fly backward. I think she’ll be just fine.)

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You Get Some Anxiety, You Get Some Anxiety, Everybody Gets Some Anxiety!

, , , | Healthy | August 26, 2019

(I go to a therapist for anxiety. For complicated reasons, I’m afraid of asking for an OCD and social anxiety diagnosis, so my partner comes with me.)

Therapist: “Okay, you are aware that I am not a couples therapist?”

Me: *nods*

Therapist: “And that [Partner] is not covered under your insurance?”

Partner: “That’s not why I’m here.”

Therapist: “Okay, well, let me just explain what we’ve been doing here.”

(She says her job description, and then talks about my anxiety. To my horror, she starts spilling every secret I ever told her, including unfair, heat-of-the-moment venting about my partner, without explaining the part after, where I acknowledged my unfairness. I start having a silent panic attack. Eventually, she stops talking.)

Partner: *without any hint of annoyance or anything negative* “I’m just here to help [My Name] ask for a referral to a psychiatrist.”

Therapist: “Sure! I can do that right away for you!”

(We leave. I am too terrified to speak. When we enter the car, my partner sighs angrily.)

Partner: “B****!”

Me: *jumps*

Partner: “Sorry, not you. Don’t worry; I tuned her out once I realized where she was going.” *pauses* “When we get your psychiatrist, do we have to go back to her?”

Me: *shakes my head no*

Partner: “Good. I can’t believe she did that. Do you want a hug?”

(We did hug and talk about the anxiety. My partner also has anxiety, and I’ve been trying to convince her to see a therapist. This… did not help.)

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Unfiltered Story #155113

, , | Unfiltered | June 20, 2019

(Because we’re listed as a resource for various companies in the area, we get a lot of people assuming that we’re actually PART of their company. That leads to a lot of calls like this:)

Me: *answering the phone* Good morning/afternoon, [Counseling office], this is [my name]. How may I help you?

Caller: Yeah, hi. I need help with [company/HR related thing, usually regarding medical leave, time off, or disability], and *launches into long spiel about what’s going on*.

Me: *finally managing to cut in* I’m sorry, but we’re not part of your company. We can provide you with counseling, but your issue sounds like something you’ll need to bring up with your human resources department.

Caller: Oh. Well, can you transfer me to them?

Me: No, I’m sorry. We’re not part of your company, so I have no way of doing that.

Caller: Give me their number, then.

Me: I’m afraid I don’t have the number. We are in no way associated with your employer.

(But the most amusing was the out of town call I got a few days ago…I don’t even know where this guy got our number.)

Me: Good evening, [Counseling office], this is–

Caller: I need help.

Me: Certainly, sir. What is it you need help with?

Caller: Well, you know our log in? I can’t get in and I need help resetting my password.

Me: I…uh, sir, we’re a counseling office.

Caller: I work for [out of state company].

Me: We’re a counseling office. In Kansas. I can’t reset your password for you.

Caller: Oh. Who would I talk to about that?

Me: I would suggest your IT department.

Caller: Okay, thanks! I’ll wait while you transfer me.

Me: I…can’t do that. We’re not part of your employer.

Caller: Then I’ll just call them. What’s their number?

Me: I don’t know, sir. We don’t work for your employer; perhaps you can check with a supervisor or co-worker?

Caller: I guess so. *hangs up*