My Therapist, Brian

, , , , , | Right | August 4, 2020

I am working with a hypnotherapist to stop grinding my teeth. He is a crass-humoured, grey-bearded man about twice my age. He is Jewish and knows I am a Christian, and every so often, we have the following conversation, if you can call it that:

Therapist: “I am one of God’s chosen people.”

He then seems to expect me to be fazed by the statement. I am not. I mean, even if there was any theological disagreement, that’s not something to get fazed by. Eventually, however, he comes out with something a little different.

Therapist: “I am the Chosen One.”

Me: “You’re not the Messiah; you’re a very naughty boy!”

1 Thumbs
351

A Questionable Mood Change

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2020

I work at a community mental health agency as an outpatient counselor, assessing a client’s overall emotional functioning. 

Me: “I have some questions for you today, just to check in and see how you’re doing.”

Client: “You know what? I’m sick and tired of you and your f****** questions. I’m sick of people telling me what to do. I’m not coming back to this f****** place after today.”

Me: “If you prefer not to do this now, that’s okay. You can decide not to do the assessment; I’d understand.”

Client: *sighs* “Fine, I’ll do it. Let’s get this done.”

Me: “Would you say you feel irritable always, often, sometimes, rarely, or never?”

Client: “Never. I’m doing pretty good with that.”

I maintain composure and complete the rest of the assessment.

Me: *Finishing session* “I think we’ve done enough for today. Would you like to meet next week?”

Client: “Sure, this time works because I get out of work at three.”

1 Thumbs
304

Unfiltered Story #201314

, , | Unfiltered | July 20, 2020

(I’m at work on a Sunday evening after unexpectedly being called in due to a completely booked schedule and shorthand of staff. It’s my last client of the night and she is a total pain. She complains about every little thing I do.)

Client: I do not like Swedish so please don’t use those techniques. I thought I was getting a male therapist.

Me: I’m sorry ma’am but I am not trained or certified in any massage modalities other than Swedish. I can perform deep pressure but that’s it. I really don’t know how to help you.

Client: Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault you can’t help me. It’s the people who scheduled the appointment who are at fault.

Me: (speechless and somewhat insulted by what she has been saying)

(Eventually the session ends and the client leaves with her entourage. I recommended to her that she go see my trainer at the massage clinic who specializes in pain management and has more experience than me. )

Me: (to the receptionist) Worst. Shift. Ever!

(I let out a giant scream in frustration that lasted fifteen seconds. I then cleaned up my room and stormed out. I was not in trouble for screaming since all the clients had left the building though. And yes, I still work there despite my insecurity and how hurt I was.)

Unfiltered Story #199877

, , , | Unfiltered | July 4, 2020

I work at a massage studio, where all we do is give massages. No facials, no pedicures, nothing else besides massages. None the less, on a weekly basis, this happens.

*Phone rings*

Me: [Name of studio] this is [me], how can I help you today?
Caller: Hi, I am wondering if [name I’ve never heard of] is available today?
Me: I’m sorry, who?
Caller: [Name], is she available for laser removal today?? I have this spot on my lower –
Me: *interrupts him* I’m sorry sir, I think you have the wrong number. This is [name of studio].
Caller: Where?
Me: *repeats name of studio*
Caller: Oh… so, y’all don’t do laser hair removal?
Me: No, sir, we do not..
Caller: Oh..
Me: Okay, have a good rest of your day. *hangs up*

Smelling Them Like It Is

, , , , , , | Right | June 5, 2020

I’m a professional and qualified aromatherapist. I work in a local shop that specializes in selling all-natural bath and body products, as well as therapeutic quality essential oils. The customer — if you can call her that — enters the store.

Customer: “Yuck, it smells gross in here!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Customer: “Seriously, how can you work here?”

Me: “I personally enjoy the scent. I find natural fragrances tend to be much nicer than those of toxic synthetics.”

I can smell the cheap perfume she’s bathed in from across the store.

Customer: “Well, I don’t like it! It’s a terrible smell!”

Me: “No one is forcing you to stay here. You came in on your own accord, and you are more than welcome to turn around and leave.”

Customer: “I will! Tell the owner this is a horrible shop!”

Me: “Our clients say otherwise, but I’ll be sure to pass your comment along. And please be sure to take your disgusting attitude and terrible perfume with you when you leave. Have a wonderful day!”

The customer’s face was priceless.

1 Thumbs
457