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When You Give Them Exactly What They Paid For: Nothing

, , , , | Right | July 10, 2022

I used to work for a company that handled inbound phone calls for dozens of different magazines. I’d get calls from people that ran the spectrum from just asking a question to being one step away from ending up in a nice, padded cell somewhere.

One day a customer called about a popular financial magazine, and he immediately demanded a refund. He was having issues with the free email newsletters he got from their website, which are provided – for free – to anyone that signed up on the website for a free account, no magazine subscription necessary. He told me that he felt he wasn’t receiving everything that he was paying for, despite getting the paper and digital magazines that he did pay for each month like clockwork, since he wasn’t receiving his free email newsletters.

Did I mention that the email newsletters were free? Because I did say that to him, and he kept demanding me to give him a full refund for his entire subscription because he was having problems. I told him in no uncertain terms that there was no way that was happening.

Of course, he swore up and down that he would get his full refund, he was going to contact corporate, have me fired, and all that good stuff. When he finally realized I wasn’t going to cave to his demands, he disconnected the call.

Never heard anything about that guy again.

Those Who Reward Rigging The System Are Doomed To Have It Forever Rigged

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2022

We have a regular who scams and abuses the system daily.

She comes in, puts in rewards, and uses a coupon for a free sandwich or salad or whatever. She always has a reward or coupon for a free something. She takes her order to go, and leaves; never smiles or greets the worker. An absolute pleasure to deal with.

After she leaves, she immediately calls corporate to yell and complain that something was wrong with her order. Sometimes it’s that there’s a missing ingredient, or it’s on the wrong bread. Sometimes, she complains that she didn’t receive utensils. With her sandwich. Yeah.

Every time she calls and complains to corporate, they send her a coupon or a reward for a free item. Rinse and repeat.

I’ve asked about banning her from the store, but only corporate has the ability to do that, and as far as they’re concerned, we’re the problem. There’s never been anything wrong with her order. I’ve double-checked every time, and we ask her when we hand it to her if she has everything she needs and if she wants anything else. A**hole.

Pip The Potato: A Story Of Triumph Over Evil

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2022

It was the last appointment on the Saturday before New Year’s Eve. In walks a Chihuahua breeder we had never seen before or since. She had her child and a six-week-old puppy the size of a large hamster to ask us why his eyes aren’t open yet.

My veterinarian, the kindest sweetheart of a human being you’ll ever meet is explaining through the excited face-licking from this puppy that:

Veterinarian: “He has a condition called bilateral microphthalmia, his eyelids are open, but the eyeballs never formed.”

Breeder: “Put him to sleep, I can’t sell a blind dog.”

Immediately the kid starts crying. In a tone as icy as the Michigan winter outside my vet says:

Veterinarian: “Give him to me and I won’t charge you for the visit.”

The owner agrees. I’m heavily pregnant and I need a blind teacup Chihuahua like I need a hole in my head, but I convinced my vet to let me foster him for the weekend, so she doesn’t cancel her holiday plans to care for this literal ten ounces of dog. Monday’s a holiday, Tuesday we close for a blizzard, and my husband has named him in the meantime. So that’s the story of Pip, my foster failure of a breed I swore I’d never own. He was all of two-and-a-half pounds fully grown and the friendliest little potato you’d ever meet.

Oh, and about six months down the line, a good regular client asked out of the blue if a little blind Chihuahua puppy ever came in. This was the person who gave the breeder lady our name. She was glad he was in good hands but when we told the tale, she said:

Regular Client: “I told her I’d adopt that puppy!”

Apparently, that breeder just couldn’t give anything away for free.

Their Scam Is As Flimsy As Those Highchairs Are Sturdy

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2022

I just started work at a Chinese restaurant as a waitress. I was new at the job, but at this point, I had enough training on everything but the cook’s job and the register.

I had just served a family of four with a baby and had given them one of our high chairs that sit on the benches themselves. Now something to know about these, they are one piece. They do not come apart at all. They may have been old, but they were extremely sturdy. They were also much preferred for older kids so they could sit with their family instead of at the end of the table. Apparently, how they were made escaped this family.

Me: “Hey, how’s everything going? Food pretty good?”

Customer: “Yeah, food is good but we’d like to see the manager please.”

Me: “Everything all right?”

Customer: “No, no, everything was fine, it’s just… we want a free meal.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t just give you a free meal. Matter of fact I have your receipt here and it’s well over $100.00.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, my child got hurt.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry! May I ask how?”

Customer: “That chair thing fell apart and they hit their head! They were screaming for an hour!”

Now the restaurant may have had multiple rooms, but it was tiny. And I could clearly see the baby babbling away and making a mess with the duck sauce on the table with no mark on their head in sight.

Me: “…I’ll be back.”

I left to get the owner. She was obviously better at spotting scammers than I was, but even we both knew this was nuts.

Me: “Hey, [Owner], I got a customer out there that said their kid’s highchair, the one that sits in the booth, broke, the kid hit their head and screamed for an hour.”

Owner: “I didn’t hear a thing.”

Me: “Neither did I and I don’t think they saw me at my spot out there at the bar where I can see everyone.”

Owner: “Those chairs don’t break.”

Me: “I know. You wanna tell them or me?”

Owner: “You can, I’m busy cooking.”

I went back out to threats of getting a lawyer involved, a very embarrassed wife and what I assume are friends or siblings of the couple and a one-cent tip. I did see them later and was told a lawyer was involved, and I asked if they needed the camera’s video tapes for proof as we had security cameras. I have never seen someone leave that restaurant that fast before.

A lawyer never contacted me. It’s been over ten years now.

This Is A Nightclub Gosh Darn It!

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2022

I used to be a security officer at a popular casino/resort in the northeast. I would usually get stuck on a post near the nightclub quite a bit when I worked the evening shift. One Saturday night, I was approached by an older woman. She looked very upset.

Me: “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?”

Guest: “Someone needs to be out there patrolling that nightclub line!”

The nightclub was located right next to the post I was at, and if I stepped forward just a little, I could get a good view of the line. I immediately went to full alert mode. As it was a Saturday night, the line of people waiting to get into the nightclub was long, and tempers could get frayed. Fights could, and would, break out as a result. I’d seen it happen.

I stepped forward and looked out at the line, expecting to see a brawl going on, but everything seemed perfectly calm. I was baffled.

Me: “Is there a fight going on?”

Guest: *Shouting.* “No! There are people in that line using naughty language!”

My jaw nearly dropped. Surely, she couldn’t be serious, but the look on her face said she was.

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not something we have any control over. It’s not against the rules.”

She gave me one of the dirtiest looks I’d ever seen.

Guest: “Well, it should be!”

Then she stormed off. I watched her go, wondering exactly where she thought she was. I mean, did she misread the big “casino” sign out front as “church”? And even if she was conscious of where she was, what did she expect us to do? Start going up and down the line and treating everyone there like they were in kindergarten? “No, no, no! We don’t use that kind of language, and I’ll put you in timeout if you don’t stop! No nightclub for you if you don’t watch your potty mouth!”