Nature Rains On Her Parade Literally, You Metaphorically

, , , , | Right | January 3, 2018

(I work at a popular park where they have daily parades, unless it rains.)

Guest: *frantically runs into the store, child dangling under her arm* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Take…?”

(The guest is now placing her child on the ground while trying to open the disposable camera box she is now holding.)

Guest: “Yeah, Barry Bonds is the grand marshall. My husband loves him… Can I just take this?”

Me: “No… ma’am… you have to pay for it. Then you can take it.”

Guest: *looking at me in disbelief* “What?! It’s Barry Bonds; you know, the baseball player?”

Me: “You need to pay for it no matter who the grand marshall is, ma’am. You pay for it and you can take it anywhere.”

Guest: “This is ridiculous!” *she runs out cursing me; the child runs out after her because she had forgotten him*

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Trying Their Best To Park

, , | Right | January 2, 2018

(I work as a security officer for a local theme park. Occasionally, the parent company will rent out the park after hours to host private events, usually corporate parties for big companies. When this story takes place, I and the other officers are sweeping out the day guests, and we’ve been instructed to be a little more insistent since catering has to set up for a private event an hour after park close. The tables and lights are already set up as we’re waiting on the last guests to exit a ride, when two teenagers approach me. Keep in mind, all of the event guests will be arriving by bus after park close.)

Guest #1: “Where do we go for the special event?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re part of the event?”

Guest #2: “Yeah! Well, uh, his dad is. And he’s getting us in.”

([Guest #1] then puts on his sunglasses (it’s dark) and crosses his arms like some corporate executive.)

Me: *starting to laugh, thinking it’s a joke* “Are you sure?”

([Guest #2] looks from his friend to me, starting to laugh nervously.)

Guest #2: “Yeah, uh, what’s wrong?”

Me: “Uh, maybe you’re here for [Other Event in Other Park]?”

Guest #1: “Oh, is it in [Other Park]?”

Me: “Well, we have a couple of events going on tonight in different locations. What company is your dad with?”

Guest #1: “Uh…” *looks at friend* “…Microsoft?”

Me: *smiling knowingly* “There’s no event for Microsoft.”

Guest #2: “Oh, well, we’ll just find out where to go somewhere else!”

(They both stormed off, [Guest #1] still wearing his sunglasses. By that point the final guests were getting off the ride and my coworkers all had a good laugh about it. I gotta give props to the two of them for sticking with their ruse to the end, though.)

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FeMinnie Mouse

, , | Friendly | December 20, 2017

(For a school trip the school band and color guard are at Disneyland, I’m with my friend at one of the stores. I’m very fond of the Duffy I bought when I was younger, which is advertised as Mickey Mouse’s teddy bear. The company started advertising a Shelly-May, advertised as Minnie Mouse’s teddy bear. I tell my friend about this and I’m not very happy.)

Me: “They started making a female Duffy! I think it’s just the same but pink and with eyelashes! Why do they need to make a teddy bear all girly for it to be for girls? Ugh.”

(We turn the corner and the new Shelly-May is on display. The teddy bear is very beautiful and adorable, not at all like I had described it. I immediately fall in love with it.)

Me: *picks up bear* “I need to have this.”

Friend: “All that feminism just went down the drain in five seconds.”

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Pray They Have The Ability To Change

, , , , , , | Working | September 21, 2017

(I am a supervisor. My employee at the attraction booth is relatively new, but by 2 pm, I’ve been called to assist him six times, once every 30 minutes or so. I end up going to his registrar to troubleshoot a nearby computer and observe the following:)

Guest: “Oh, my change is $0.85? Can I give you a quarter and you give me $0.10 back?”

Employee: “Uh…” *looks to me for assistance*

Me: “Yeah, go ahead, [Employee]; just give them a dime back.”

(He processes the change and opens his drawer. He deposits the quarter, but then stops.)

Customer: *catching on that he is rather slow on the draw* “I just need a dime, dear.”

(Because of regulations, I can’t reach into his change drawer, so I can only give him verbal directions.)

Me: “It’s all right; she just needs a dime.”

(His hand hovers over the coin slots; he looks extremely confused.)

Customer: “Just a dime.”

(He hesitantly reaches for the nickles.)

Me: “No, a dime.”

(He moves his hand down into the pile of five cent pieces, then looks to me for assurance.)

Me: “Not a nickel, a dime.”

(He picks up a nickel, and shows it to me.)

Me: “That’s a nickel; you need a dime.”

(He hands the nickel to the customer, who is trying her best to hold in laughter.)

Me: “Okay, fine; just give her another nickel.”

(He reaches for the dimes this time.)

Me: “No, see she needs another nickel like the one you gave her.”

(He picks up a dime and hands it to her.)

Guest: *stifling laughter* “And I owe you this dear.” *she hands him back his nickel*

Employee: *with the greatest look of confusion upon his face* “Uh, all right, I guess…”

(The guest leaves and [Employee] looks at me.)

Employee: “Hey, [My Name], do you think I’ll be off in my drawer? She gave me her change back.”

(Later that day I went to my manager and told her to either retrain him or never give him another register shift. He was nearly $40 off that day.)

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You Won’t Be Seeing Her Space Mountains

, , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(My job is to screen ride photos at a famous space ride. I typically see a lot of vulgar hand gestures and boobs. Surprisingly, a lot of boobs. We screen them so they can’t be seen by guests and are unsellable. A woman and three men come to the ride photo booth to pick up their photo and are displeased when it is censored and they can’t see it. Unsurprisingly, they are drunk or getting there at least.)

Ride Photo Attendant: “I’m sorry, we can’t show them to you.”

Women: “Just for a second.”

Ride Photo Attendant: “No, sorry.”

(The woman and one man go to the washroom and another man, not from their party, comes up to the front.)

Other Man: “Can I buy that photo?”

Ride Photo Attendant: “Do you know that woman?”

Other Man: “No, but my wife and I are having trouble getting it on here with all these kids around and I need something to stimulate IT with, if you know what I mean.”

(The ride photo attendant did know what they meant, as did the security guard who escorted him out.)

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