Don’t Bug Me

| FL, USA | Friendly | November 3, 2016

(I’m standing in line at an outdoor food and drink kiosk when a large hornet lands on my bare leg. I admit I kind of flail a bit kicking it off by reflex, which is embarrassing. The guy in line behind me with his girlfriend begins laughing in a loud, mocking manner.)

Guy: “Oh, my GOD. It’s just a f****** bug!”

Me: “Well, I panicked; I didn’t want to get stung.” *flustered*

Guy: “Oh. My. GOD. That was f****** ridiculous! Did you freaking SEE her freak out?”

(He mimics me in an insulting way, and keeps laughing loudly and obnoxiously. It doesn’t really upset me, but it’s annoying and people are staring. His girlfriend has been behind him on her cellphone quietly frowning at him this whole time, when suddenly she lifts the end of a piece of her long hair and lightly tickles the bare skin on the back of his arm. He immediately cuts off with a shrill squeak and jumps, flailing and smacking at his arm, far more loudly and panicked than I had been. He seems to quickly realize what happened and goes red in the face and won’t look at me.)

Girlfriend: *goes back to scrolling through her cellphone calmly with her eyebrows raised and says in a quiet tone* “That’s what I thought.”

Live Short And Decompose

| FL, USA | Friendly | November 2, 2016

(My husband and I are at a local theme park for their yearly Halloween event, which includes “haunted” houses, areas set up as themed scare zones, and employees dressed as various monsters running around in “hordes.” I’m waiting outside the bathroom for my husband at one point, when I’m suddenly surrounded by a group of about a dozen or more yelling, howling employees dressed as zombies. I’m genuinely startled and almost leap out of my skin. Suddenly, one of the “zombies” points at the Star Trek logo on my shirt and begins loudly hooting and growling. He throws up his hand, making the well-known Vulcan hand sign for “Live long and prosper.” All the other “zombies” do the same, clearly excited, before they turn and run off back into the rest of the park, howling and waving the Vulcan sign in the air.)

Husband: *having just come out of the bathroom and caught the tail end* “What the h*** was that?!”

Me: *mildly dazed* “The single most surreal moment of my life?”

Displaying Your Stupidity

| Hollywood, CA, USA | Right | September 6, 2016

(I work as a food stand attendant. The day has been a hot one, so we’ve been selling out of drinks. We offer two kinds of bottled water but are currently out of [Cheaper Brand], so I’ve taken it off the drink display. However, it’s still on the sign that indicates prices. The next guest in line steps up.)

Guest: “I’d like a bottle of water.”

(Keep in mind that everyone else before her has been buying the remaining brand of water the whole time, so I just assume that this is what she wants.)

Me: “Sure, it’ll be four dollars.”

Guest: *irritated* “But it says three dollars on your sign.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. That’s actually the price for [Cheaper Brand], which we ran out of. Right now we only have the four dollar bottle.”

Guest: “Well, how was I supposed to know that you were out of it if you didn’t have it on display?!”

Me: *speechless for a second* “Um… so you want me to put it on display even though we don’t have it…?”

Guest: *seems to realize how illogical she sounded and stomps off without her drink*

Handy Advice

| Surrey, England, UK | Friendly | September 5, 2016

(My family and I are at a theme park and are waiting for a ride. The queue is long and it’s a very hot day and, as she is tired, my mum goes to rest her hand on a post, not realising that someone’s hand is already there.)

Mum: “Oh, sorry! I wasn’t trying to hold your hand!”

Woman: *laughing* “You would have to buy me a drink first!”

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 13

| Orlando, FL, USA | Right | August 9, 2016

(I am currently working at a famous theme park when an irate customer stomps up to me basically dragging her son along.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “My son wants to go on [Extremely Popular Attraction], but there are a ton of people in the way.”

Me: “You need to wait in line like everyone else, ma’am. May I interest you in getting a Fast Pass?”

Customer: *yelling* “JUST TAKE ME AND MY SON TO THE FRONT, GOD-D*** IT!”

Me: “If I let you to the front of the line, then I’d have to let everyone to the front of the line.”

Customer: “Then why don’t you do that, dumb b****?”

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 12
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 11
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 10

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