You Won’t Be Seeing Her Space Mountains

, , , | Right | August 17, 2017

(My job is to screen ride photos at a famous space ride. I typically see a lot of vulgar hand gestures and boobs. Surprisingly, a lot of boobs. We screen them so they can’t be seen by guests and are unsellable. A woman and three men come to the ride photo booth to pick up their photo and are displeased when it is censored and they can’t see it. Unsurprisingly, they are drunk or getting there at least.)

Ride Photo Attendant: “I’m sorry, we can’t show them to you.”

Women: “Just for a second.”

Ride Photo Attendant: “No, sorry.”

(The woman and one man go to the washroom and another man, not from their party, comes up to the front.)

Other Man: “Can I buy that photo?”

Ride Photo Attendant: “Do you know that woman?”

Other Man: “No, but my wife and I are having trouble getting it on here with all these kids around and I need something to stimulate IT with, if you know what I mean.”

(The ride photo attendant did know what they meant, as did the security guard who escorted him out.)

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The Crazies Come Out At Night

| Right | July 28, 2017

(My best friend and I are attending a special nighttime event at the park, which we have booked through a convention we are attending. Because those in our party will be allowed in the park for several hours after normal closing time, we have to wear two forms of identification that must be visible at all times. The park has closed about ten minutes before this occurs, and my friend and I have turned to walk the path to a ride that is staying open for us.)

Regular Customer: *attempts to walk behind us and is stopped by a park guard*

Guard: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the park has now closed. Please head toward the gates which are in the opposite direction.” *points*

(My friend and I slow down, as we both sense trouble.)

Regular Customer: “But you just let them go!” *gestures to the small child she has with her* “My son wants to ride the train one last time! If those grown women get to go, he should get to go, too!”

Guard: “I apologize, ma’am, but those ladies are part of a special event here at the park. They have paid to have private use of the park until two am. We’re very sorry for the inconvenience, but we would be closing to you at this time, anyhow. I would be happy to direct you to the nearest exit.”

Regular Customer: “That’s bull-s**t! You just don’t want my boy and me here because we’re [race]!””

Guard: “Ma’am, that’s not it at all. I assure you, the park has a non-discrimination policy. In fact, the special group this evening consists of all different races and ethnicities; people come from all over the world for the convention they’re attending. Furthermore, I happen to know that it is attended by many LGBTQ people, too. The park is open to EVERYONE until closing, and now those people — and only those people — with special identification can remain in the park at this time.”

(He gestures toward me and I hold up the ticket hanging on a lanyard around my neck, as well as my wrist to show off my bracelet.)

Regular Customer: *huffs angrily* “Well! I don’t believe you! I just think—” *eyes go wide* “Wait, did you say there are GAY people here?!”

Guard: “Yes, ma’am.”

Regular Customer: “Oh, h*** no! My son is not going to be around some [slur]s!” *grabs her son’s hand and starts dragging him toward the exit*

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Classic Nick…

| Working | July 26, 2017

(I work as a rides operator at a small fairy-tale themed amusement park in my hometown. On this day, I’m driving the train, which tours the entire park and has a PA system mainly for me to talk to the passengers about the attractions we’re passing. We have a script, but we don’t have to follow it strictly. I often insert silly things to make the passengers smile, and I’m also a little bit of a practical joker. As I’ve just loaded a set of 50 passengers onto the train…)

Me: *over PA* “Hey, could you guys do me a big favor?”

Passengers: *general motions of “sure, what’s the favor?”*

Me: “The guy who’s running the carousel right now is named Nick. When we pass him, can you all yell out ‘Hi, Nick!’ at him?”

Passengers: *laughter, thumbs up, nods of approval*

Me: “Great, let’s go! Welcome aboard the [Park] Express.”

(I go through the rest of my opening spiel and start the train. I do the rest of the trip pretty normally. When we pass the carousel…)

Passengers: “HI, NICK!”

Random Passenger Dude: “I LOVE YOU, NICK!”

(The look Nick gave me when I passed him the next circuit around was priceless.)

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The Write-Up Is Complimentary

, , , , | Working | June 23, 2017

(Two young girls approach me and ask to use our store phone to call their parents since their phone died. I let them dial but since they are calling long distance it doesn’t work. The only way to contact their parents is on their dead cell phones so I give the girls my phone charger and let them charge it behind the counter. They go on a few rides and come back, thanking me profoundly. A few days later my team lead approaches me.)

Team Lead: “Two girls left you a good reviews on Tuesday.”

Me: “Oh, really? Wow, I’ve never gotten that before.”

Team Lead: “Yes, but they say you let them charge their phone behind the counter?”

Me: “Oh, yes.” *explains situation*

Team Lead: “Okay, I see, but we’re still not allowed to do that. I’m going to have to write you up!”

Me: “But what about their compliments? No harm was done and I made their day!”

Team Lead: “It’s the rules, sorry.”

(So I was written up BUT I was also awarded by my supervisor two free tickets as a reward for the compliments. Way to confuse your workers.)

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Lending An Ear

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 15, 2017

I’m very young at this time — maybe six years old — and unfortunately haven’t grown into my ears, so they stick out far. At the resort is a koi pond and I love fish. The pond is barred off to prevent over eager children like myself from falling in. Not one to be deterred I manage to squeeze my head through the bars to get a close look at the fish.

That’s when trouble strikes. I can’t get my head back through the bars with my huge Dumbo ears. My parents try to fit my head back through without making too much of a scene. I’m crying and in pain from my parent trying fit me back through the bars. I’m sure we are beginning to draw a crowd.

That’s when a huge man walks over grabs the bars with his bare hands and bends them! I’m freed.

I don’t remember much being so young but to that huge, strong man, thanks. My parents have told this story so many times and we’re all grateful you were there that day.

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