Send In The Clowns

, , , | Right | January 27, 2008

(Almost thirty kids are lined up at the Velcro wall waiting to ride. We have about five minutes until our troupe leaves. One of the parents comes up to me.)

Mother: “I want my son to ride this ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think there’s enough time for all these kids to–”

Mother: “I don’t care if he’s the last one. I want him to ride this ride.”

Me: “This ride is going to shut down in about five minutes. There isn’t enough time for–”

Mother: “He can be the last in line, then.”

Me: “He can wait in line but probably won’t be able to–”

Mother: “Fine.”

(The mother walks away and returns some time after the ride is shut down and all kids are turned away.)

Mother: “Hey! HEY! I thought we agreed that my child would get on the ride.”

Me: “That’s not what we agreed to.”

Mother: “Well, put the ride back up so he can ride it.”

Me: “I’m sorry but we can’t do all that for one child.”

Mother: “Why not?! You’re just being f***ing stubborn.”

Me: “If you have any complaints you can speak to the clown over there. Have a nice day.”

Mother: “I don’t want to talk to any d*** clown.”

Me: “That clown is my boss.”


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Nowhere To Hide

, | Right | January 23, 2008

Man: “Oh miss! I notice your shirt says the “*** Steam Train”. You work there?”

Me: “…yes?”

Man: “So there are, like… trains?”

Me: “Of course…”

Man: “So why are you at “Stop and Shop”? Shouldn’t you be doing your job? There are no trains here!”

Me: “Sir, it’s called a lunch break.”

Man: “Oh…” *radiates a healthy scarlet color*


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Ah, The Magic of Pavlov

, , | Right | December 5, 2007

(We have a clock at the wild animal park that chimes every fifteen minutes. A guest walked up to my ticket booth and asked me a question…)

Guest: “What do those chimes mean?”

Me: “Those tell us what time it is.”

Guest: “Oh. Does that mean we have to leave the park?”

Me: (I’m trying really hard not to laugh) “No. It’s only noon and the park closes at 8 pm.”

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Californication

, , , | Right | November 28, 2007

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Yes, but I don’t want to buy anything. I would just like to know if there are any restaurants here. ”

Me: “Yes, this is one. There are more elsewhere in the park. ”

Customer: “I mean, like a sit-down restaurant.”

Me: “We have chairs and tables outside, and more to my left past the grill.”

Customer: “I mean where you come to me and ask ’em what I want so that I don’t have to get up. You know, a restaurant.”

Me: “I don’t know of any off the top of my head, but you can go ahead and ask other people that work here.”

Customer: “I’ll do that…”

(She walks off and I continue on helping people. Twenty minutes later, she comes back)

Customer: “I couldn’t find any, are you sure there aren’t any?”

Me: “Pardon me, but this isn’t a huge super expensive theme park like Disney World or Disneyland. Are you from California by chance?”

Customer: “Yes, how did you know?”

Me: “I guessed.”

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The Surer They Are, The Stupider They Get

, , | Right | November 22, 2007

(I work in a burger stand)

Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”

Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Umm… would you just like a hamburger?”

Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”

Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”

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