Completely Immersed In The Lesson

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2010

(I teach swim lessons but my shift hasn’t started yet so I am in normal clothes and standing behind the front desk.)

Me: “Hey, guys, go ahead and get in. I’ll be in to teach in a few minutes.”

Mother: “Who are you?”

Me: “Miss, your son’s swim teacher. For the past two years.”

Mother: “Oh! I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”


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How To Balls Up Simple Math

, , , , , , | Right | June 23, 2010

Customer: “How much to play?”

Me: “Two dollars for three balls.”

Customer: “How much for three people?”

Me: “Same price, so six dollars.”

Customer: “How about five dollars for us all to have one ball?”

Me: “Well, I’m getting the better end of that deal. So, of course!”

Customer: “Thanks. The boss doesn’t have to know.”


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Short-Sighted Fathers

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2010

(A man and his son walk into the guest services office.)

Customer: “The rides person won’t let my son get on the pirate ship ride.”

Me: “Your son doesn’t appear to be tall enough. Will you have him stand by the height chart for me?”

(I measure the child and he is a good two inches shorter than the height requirement for the pirate ride.)

Me: “Sir, your son is not within the height category. He cannot legally ride the ride.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just stamp his hand and let him get on since I said it was okay?”

Me: “No, sir, that is illegal. Your son will not be safe on that ride as the restraints are not built for smaller riders. We do have a kid’s version of that ride.”

Customer: “I’m going to get my wife. She’s wearing heels today. He can just put those on and be tall enough.”

Me: “Any shoes that are more than two inches thick need to be removed before we can measure the child, so that won’t work.”

Son: “Daddy, why can’t we ride the rides?”

Customer: “Because that horrible lady thinks you’re a midget.”


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(No Way) Back To The Future

, , , | Right | April 5, 2010

(An oddly-dressed man approaches my concessions stand, looking a bit worried.)

Me: “Hi there, how may I help you?”

Customer: “What time is it?”

Me: “About a quarter to 11.”

Customer: “But what time EXACTLY is it?”

Me: “Ah… it’s exactly 10:47, sir.”

Customer: “AM or PM?”

Me: “Um, AM.”

Customer: “Thank you! And what day is it?”

Me: “It’s Tuesday, sir.”

Customer: “No, no! What is the day of the month?”

Me: “It’s July 14th.”

Customer: “Thank you. What is the year?”

Me: “Um, 2009.”

Customer: “10:47 am on July 14th, 2009? Oh, no, I’m late!”

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Not The Breast Choice Of Words

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2010

Me: “Please keep all hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and remember, pirates, no flash pictures!”

Guest: *takes flash picture*

Me: “Ma’am, please refrain from taking flash photographs on the ride.”

Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you did. Please turn your flash off or do not take pictures. It disturbs the other ride-goers.”

Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture! My shirt is still on!”

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