Directionally Impaired

, , | Right | September 30, 2009

(I work at a theme park and the ride I operate requires riders to pull down their own lap bars.)

Me: “When you’re all seated, please pull down on the lap bars in front of you.”

(Everyone is seated, and all but one guest pulls down their lap bar. She’s talking to her friends, so I catch her attention.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you please pull down on your lap bar so we can get the ride going?”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “The black lap bar right there in front of you. Just go on ahead and pull it down so it’s secure.”

Guest: *blank stare, puts hands on the bar*

Me: “That’s right, just pull it down…”

Guest: *raises hands in the air*

Me: “…”

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Lost Within A Hundred Feet Of Paradise

, , , , , | Right | September 22, 2009

Guest: “I need you to put [Theme Park] into my GPS.”

Me: “Sir, it’s right around the corner. We even have a free shuttle that’ll take you over.”

Guest: “No, I want to DRIVE. Just put the coordinates into my GPS.”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s probably already a landmark in your GPS, but as I said, you just have to go out of the parking lot and turn right. The parking structure is just across the way there.”

Guest: “I need exact directions! Put the location into my GPS!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you, it’s already in your GPS. If you’d like, I can also provide you with a map. See?”

(I show him a pre-printed paper map that indicates the parking structure is literally across the street.)

Guest: “I want the park put into my GPS!”

Me: “Sir, I promise you that the park is in your GPS already, unless it’s a very cheap unit.”

Guest: “It came with my BMW rental!”

Me: “Then it’s in there, I promise you.”

Guest: “No, it’s not! Come out to my car and put it in!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t leave the desk, but if you bring the unit in, I will find the location for you.”

Guest: “Fine!”

(He leaves, and then returns with a high-end GPS unit.)

Guest: “Here!”

(I take the unit and call up the landmarks menu. Sure enough, there’s the park.)

Me: “Here it is, sir.”

Guest: *looks at the GPS unit* “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS AROUND THE D*** CORNER?!”

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Talk About A Long Weekend

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, [Theme Park]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. Can I just ask when are your firework nights this year?”

Me: “They are on the 27th, 28th, and 29th October.”

Caller: “Okay… Are they all Saturdays?”

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Not Exactly A Golden Ticket

, , | Right | August 19, 2009

(I work a photo booth that takes everyone’s picture before they get into an attraction. We give tickets out so we can easily locate a customers photo when they come back. A customer hands over her ticket and I hand her the photo to see. She begins walking away with it.)

Me: “Ma’am, excuse me. I’m sorry; we actually sell those here.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Well, you have to purchase them. We don’t just give them away.”

Customer: “But I don’t need to purchase it. I gave you a ticket.”

Me: “Ma’am, that ticket is only so we can find your photo. You need to purchase it if you want to take it home.”

Customer: “But I gave you a ticket.”

Me: “Everyone gives us a ticket. Sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to buy that if you want it. It’s $5.”

Customer: “This is the biggest scam in the world. I am not paying for my own photograph!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a business. If you don’t want to buy it you don’t have to, but we’re not going to give it to you for free.”

Customer: “Can I at least get a discount?”

Me: “Why would we give you a discount?”

Customer: “BECAUSE I HAVE A TICKET!”

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If You Can’t Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Solar System

| Right | April 14, 2009

(This exchange happened while I was taking tickets at the entrance to the park.)

Customer: “You have a very serious problem with your lines.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, what was the problem?”

Customer: “I have been standing out here for twenty minutes in the sun waiting to get into the park. You need to do something about that sun… turn it down or something.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m very sorry you were uncomfortable, but I really have no control over the sun.”

Customer: “You can’t just turn it down? Who can I talk to around here to get something done about this?”

Me: “You can go talk to Human Resources, ma’am… but I really don’t think they’ll be able to control the sun either.”

Customer: *storms off*

Customer #2: *walking up* “So… what’s it like controlling the weather?”


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