Ah, Fathers, Part 3

, , , | Right | March 4, 2010

(I am seating guests for a ride.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but we can only fit two riders in a seat and four in a car.”

Guest: “It’s all right; the baby can sit in my lap.”

Me: “Sir, I apologize, but we don’t allow lap sitting, either. It’s dangerous for the baby. The lap bar can seriously injure her if we had to do an emergency stop on the ride.”

Guest: “Wait. So, you’re telling me that she counts as a person?”

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A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2

, , , | Right | January 5, 2010

(I am serving a father and son at the crazy golf course.)

Me: “All right, here’s your club and your golf balls. Just follow the purple path throughout the course.”

(Five minutes later, they come back to the register.)

Me: “You’re already done?”

Customer: “Yeah, I did hole number 5 and my son did hole number 16!”

Me: “You know you can do all 18 holes, right?”

Customer: *very serious* “You’re kidding.”

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Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 3

, , , | Right | October 28, 2009

(I work in a store near a drive-through safari. One day, a motorcycle rider comes into the store.)

Manager: “Sir, you can’t go through on a motorcycle; it’s not safe for you or the animals.

Motorcycle Rider: “I’ve been through before in my car and nothing happened.”

Manager: “Sir, there are bears, monkeys, and giraffes wandering loose. You could be hurt. We can’t let you got through. We offer a bus service–”

Motorcycle Rider: “This is discrimination! What kind of place doesn’t allow cycle riders?”

(During this time, a group of bus riders is shopping in the store. One of them speaks up.)

Bus Rider: “Oh, just let him get eaten! That’s a nice bike, and the monkeys and bears will tear it apart anyway.”

Motorcycle Rider: “They’d do that to my bike?!”

(He rode the bus that day.)

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Fowl Outdoor Behavior

, , , | Right | October 16, 2009

(At the theme park where I work, a teenage guest gets out of line and marches up to me at my spot greeting people.)

Guest: “There are two birds back there fighting in the bushes. You should go stop them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t really have any control over nature.”

Guest: “But they’re fighting. One of them could get hurt.”

Me: “I’m sure they’ll sort it out soon and fly off.”

Other Guest: “Those birds aren’t fighting… they’re ‘dating.'”

(The guest thinks about it for a moment.)

Guest: “What?! And you’re just going to let them do it in front of everyone? This is a FAMILY park. Oh, my God!”


This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

Read the next Mother Nature roundup story!

Read the Mother Nature roundup!

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Directionally Impaired

, , | Right | September 30, 2009

(I work at a theme park and the ride I operate requires riders to pull down their own lap bars.)

Me: “When you’re all seated, please pull down on the lap bars in front of you.”

(Everyone is seated, and all but one guest pulls down their lap bar. She’s talking to her friends, so I catch her attention.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you please pull down on your lap bar so we can get the ride going?”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “The black lap bar right there in front of you. Just go on ahead and pull it down so it’s secure.”

Guest: *blank stare, puts hands on the bar*

Me: “That’s right, just pull it down…”

Guest: *raises hands in the air*

Me: “…”

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