Not The Breast Choice Of Words

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2010

Me: “Please keep all hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat, and remember, pirates, no flash pictures!”

Guest: *takes flash picture*

Me: “Ma’am, please refrain from taking flash photographs on the ride.”

Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you did. Please turn your flash off or do not take pictures. It disturbs the other ride-goers.”

Guest: “I didn’t take a flash picture! My shirt is still on!”

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Ah, Fathers, Part 4

, , , | Right | March 4, 2010

(I am seating guests for a ride.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but we can only fit two riders in a seat and four in a car.”

Guest: “It’s all right; the baby can sit in my lap.”

Me: “Sir, I apologize, but we don’t allow lap sitting, either. It’s dangerous for the baby. The lap bar can seriously injure her if we had to do an emergency stop on the ride.”

Guest: “Wait. So, you’re telling me that she counts as a person?”

Related:
Ah, Fathers, Part 3
Ah, Fathers, Part 2
Ah, Fathers


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A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2010

(I am serving a father and son at the crazy golf course.)

Me: “All right, here’s your club and your golf balls. Just follow the purple path throughout the course.”

(Five minutes later, they come back to the register.)

Me: “You’re already done?”

Customer: “Yeah, I did hole number five and my son did hole number sixteen!”

Me: “You know you can do all eighteen holes, right?”

Customer: *very serious* “You’re kidding.”


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Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 3

, , , | Right | October 28, 2009

(I work in a store near a drive-through safari. One day, a motorcycle rider comes into the store.)

Manager: “Sir, you can’t go through on a motorcycle; it’s not safe for you or the animals.

Motorcycle Rider: “I’ve been through before in my car and nothing happened.”

Manager: “Sir, there are bears, monkeys, and giraffes wandering loose. You could be hurt. We can’t let you got through. We offer a bus service–”

Motorcycle Rider: “This is discrimination! What kind of place doesn’t allow cycle riders?”

(During this time, a group of bus riders is shopping in the store. One of them speaks up.)

Bus Rider: “Oh, just let him get eaten! That’s a nice bike, and the monkeys and bears will tear it apart anyway.”

Motorcycle Rider: “They’d do that to my bike?!”

(He rode the bus that day.)


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Fowl Outdoor Behavior

, , , | Right | October 16, 2009

(At the theme park where I work, a teenage guest gets out of line and marches up to me at my spot greeting people.)

Guest: “There are two birds back there fighting in the bushes. You should go stop them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t really have any control over nature.”

Guest: “But they’re fighting. One of them could get hurt.”

Me: “I’m sure they’ll sort it out soon and fly off.”

Other Guest: “Those birds aren’t fighting… they’re ‘dating.'”

(The guest thinks about it for a moment.)

Guest: “What?! And you’re just going to let them do it in front of everyone? This is a FAMILY park. Oh, my God!”


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