Please, No Free, Unlimited Questions

| Right | May 1, 2012

(I’m a cashier at an amusement park that has a special deal involving free unlimited drinks.)

Customer: “How many free, unlimited soft drinks can I have?”

Me: *thinking I misheard him* “How many free, unlimited soft drinks can you have?”

Customer: *nods*

Me: “Sir, since our soft drinks are both free and unlimited, you can have as many as you want.”

Customer: *visibly brightens* “Thanks!”

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Momma Knows Best

| Right | April 27, 2012

Me: “It sounds like the fireworks are just starting. I can hear them.”

Boy: “Good, that means we can go on the big ride next door! All the dumb people will watch the fireworks when they could be riding the—”

Boy’s Mother: *chiding her son* “Now, now, they’re not ‘dumb people.’ They’re ‘suckers.'”

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A Kid’s Taze Out

| Related | April 9, 2012

(I see a young boy chasing his dad with a light up toy from a gift shop.)

Dad: *running away* “Don’t taze me bro!”

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Lack Of Discount Creates Priceless Memories

| Related | March 21, 2012

(My younger brother has a very shaggy haircut. My parents are taking my brother and I to a theme park. He was just a few weeks past his fifth birthday, so they decide to say he is still four so he can get in free one last time. They have carefully coached him to say he was still four. We approach the ticket window.)

Cashier: “Okay, that’s two adults and…how old is the little girl?”

Dad: *indignantly* “The little boy is five!”

(Everyone else facepalms.)

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From Wrong To Wronger

| Right | March 6, 2012

(I’m working a game when an older man approaches me with his kid. Please note that I am 15 years old.)

Guest: “Hey, so it’s my son’s 15th birthday and I really need your help to give him his birthday spankings.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Guest: “No, really, I need your help to give him his birthday spankings. I’ll hold him, you spank him!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not going to do that. That’s guest assault!”

Guest: “Oh, c’mon! No it’s not! Look, will you marry me? Will you have my kids?”

Me: “Sir, I’m 15 too!”

Guest: “Oh.” *takes off at a very fast pace*

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