I am going into my second year at the biggest theme parks in Canada, featuring over 200 attractions. Three of my team leads last year are not returning and my managers are getting desperate. This happens during Ramadan where we lose half our staff because it is dangerous for them to work outside and fast due to the heat warnings.

Manager: (My name) can I talk to you in the back room?

Me: Okay….

Coworker: (gives me thumbs up and whispers) Looks like someone’s getting a promotion.

We get to the back room and the manager closes the door.

Manager: Okay, after much thought and deliberation we would like to promote you to the team lead

Me: Oh (trying to fake enthusiasm)

Manager: Why don’t you look happy

Me: Well…I don’t think I want it

Manager: What?! But you’ll make a dollar more than you do now, you’ll be paid above adult minimum wage (ps. it’s $11.40 in Canada)

Me: Ya but…okay here’s the deal. I have a few reasons why I don’t want to be Team Lead

(I knew they would ask me so my dad and I have been making a list that I could say when I reject them)

Manager: (still in disbelief) Okay, I’m sure I can make a solution to whatever problem you have.

Me: Really? Alright then…last year I would often leave an hour to half an hour after closing, which would be like 12:30-1AM. I do not have my full license and my dad needs to pick me up since the bus back home stops at 11:30. I know that Team Leads stay later and my dad won’t be happy to drive me at such a late hour.

Manager: That wasn’t a big problem last year for the other Team Leads

Me: Team Lead #1 and #2 have a car and full licence, Team Lead #3 lives 5 minutes away and bikes home. I live in (nearby city) and it is half an hour away by car.

Manager: I’m sure we can work it out so you have morning shifts…

I don’t believe them because I have asked for such shifts before and nothing has happened. They save the morning shifts for people living further away then me.

Me: The previous Team Leads always got heck from you guys for not leaving before midnight…

Manager: Okay…we can work on that. Schedule more people….

Me: Alright then, how about the fact that whoever is promoted to Team Lead often gets a lot of animosity towards them

Manager: You’re not here to make friends

Me: Ya but I don’t want enemies. I had problems with a girl last year and half the staff turned against me. I would’ve been fired if I hadn’t made friends who stood up for me and convinced you guys the girl was lying (she was subsequently fired btw)

Manager: (sighs) what else?

Me: I am in summer school right now, meaning I can’t work every Wednesday. One of the rules for being a Team Lead is flexible scheduling.

Manager: But we REALLY need you

Me: Sorry, my mental health and school is more important than $12.40 an hour

Manager: Okay so how about after summer school?

Me: (wants to bang head against wall)

During the summer I worked as a merchandise associate at Canada’s largest theme park. I worked with a very diverse group of people and as such we ask each other l where we are come from. I am white and rarely get this question but sometimes people ask me.

This is a conversation between myself and a coworker who recently moved here from Bangladesh.

Coworker #1: So where are you from?

Me: Oh well my family has been in Canada for like 100 years but we’re from Germany

Coworker #1: Oh, so why aren’t you in Germany now?

Me: Oh well…I’m Jewish

Coworker #1: So?

Me: Uh…we had to leave or be killed. (Coworker still confused) You know WW2…Hitler…You know the Holocaust?

Coworker #1: No…

Another coworker who was watching/listening to this pathetic conversation speaks whatever coworker #1’s first language is to explain what I’m talking about.

Coworker #1: Ohhhh….Hitler!

Me: (laughing) Okay, you really scared me there. I was like, who doesn’t know WW2?

Now I just say I’m from Canada!

A group of my friends and I plan a trip to visit Six Flags. We spend weeks getting excited about it and the day finally arrives. We park in the parking lot and as we walk to the gates, I notice an unusually high number of rainbow stickers on cars. Then when we get into the park, we notice a lot of groups of scantily-clad effeminate men, and a lot of groups of butch women, lots of people of the same gender doing things out in the open that would get a straight couple kicked out of a public place, and more double entendres in conversations with strangers while standing in line than you could wave a rainbow flag at. Within an hour, everyone else in my group figured it out, too. Turns out there was a pride event in St. Louis the day before and it was agreed upon that everyone attending would go to Six Flags the next day, though it was apparently never officially sponsored by Six Flags. Gotta say I’m kinda glad we skipped the water park.

Also that day I ran into some people I went to high school with (who I know for sure weren’t there for the events, for the record). It was nice to say hi to them and then we went about our day.

Several weeks later I ran into one of those people from high school and we talked about our respective amusement park visits.

Me: “Yeah, that was a fun day. Especially amusing because it was gay day,” I said.

Friend: *confused* “Gay day?”

Me: “Yeah . . . did . . . did you not notice that well over half the people there were homosexual? They weren’t exactly being discreet about it. There was a pride event in St. Louis that weekend.”

Friend: *the lights suddenly turning on* “Oh my gosh! That explains so much!”

(I am a supervisor. My employee at the attraction booth is relatively new, but by 2 pm, I’ve been called to assist him six times, once every 30 minutes or so. I end up going to his registrar to troubleshoot a nearby computer and observe the following:)

Guest: “Oh, my change is $0.85? Can I give you a quarter and you give me $0.10 back?”

Employee: “Uh…” *looks to me for assistance*

Me: “Yeah, go ahead, [Employee]; just give them a dime back.”

(He processes the change and opens his drawer. He deposits the quarter, but then stops.)

Customer: *catching on that he is rather slow on the draw* “I just need a dime, dear.”

(Because of regulations, I can’t reach into his change drawer, so I can only give him verbal directions.)

Me: “It’s all right; she just needs a dime.”

(His hand hovers over the coin slots; he looks extremely confused.)

Customer: “Just a dime.”

(He hesitantly reaches for the nickles.)

Me: “No, a dime.”

(He moves his hand down into the pile of five cent pieces, then looks to me for assurance.)

Me: “Not a nickel, a dime.”

(He picks up a nickel, and shows it to me.)

Me: “That’s a nickel; you need a dime.”

(He hands the nickel to the customer, who is trying her best to hold in laughter.)

Me: “Okay, fine; just give her another nickel.”

(He reaches for the dimes this time.)

Me: “No, see she needs another nickel like the one you gave her.”

(He picks up a dime and hands it to her.)

Guest: *stifling laughter* “And I owe you this dear.” *she hands him back his nickel*

Employee: *with the greatest look of confusion upon his face* “Uh, all right, I guess…”

(The guest leaves and [Employee] looks at me.)

Employee: “Hey, [My Name], do you think I’ll be off in my drawer? She gave me her change back.”

(Later that day I went to my manager and told her to either retrain him or never give him another register shift. He was nearly $40 off that day.)

So I was visiting Disney and I happen to look a look a lot like Princess Anna, so I wore a costume like her. So this stranger walks up to me.
Customer: Excuse me miss, where is the child parking?
Me: I don’t work here
Customer: Yeah, but where is the child parking
(At this point the customer is bringing his wife over)
Wife: Miss, where is the child parking?
Me: Um I really don’t work here
Wife: …
Me: I don’t work here but *gesturing to staff* they do. Why don’t you ask them?

The best part, I was wearing nikes and a Chicago Cubs cap. I clearly was a tourist and not the staff!