(I used to work at an alcohol stand at a popular theme park. Whenever somebody wanted alcohol, I’d need to check their ID even if they were clearly older than 21, then give them a wristband so security would know that they bought it legitimately. 99% of customers totally understand this, and even when they don’t, most are fine with it when I explain it. Now, I speak with an Aussie accent, which is fun for both me and the customers, as they have a good time trying to guess where I’m from. During one shift, a woman who’d already come up came back for more alcohol, but without the wristband I’d given her, with two other people who also want drinks.)

Customer #1: “Hi, I’d like to get another drink.”

Me: “Certainly, can I see your ID again?”

Customer #1: “What? Why? You already saw it!”

Me: “I understand, but it’s the policy.”

Customer #1: “Well, I don’t have my ID. My husband has it.”

“Me: “Then I’m sorry, but I can’t give you your drink.”

Customer #1: “Where are you from?”

Me: “What does it sound like?”

(She shoots off a few guesses like Ireland and England.)

*Me:” “No, none of those.”

Customer #1: “Can I get my drink?”

Me: “I need to see ID.”

Customer #1: “You didn’t ask for it last time!”

Customer #2: “It’s true! I saw that.”

([Customer #2] wasn’t even there the previous time. Eventually she storms off, but not before guessing Ireland and England as my country of origin a few more times. I even sing a few words from a song involving kangaroos, then try the Aussie national anthem, but she still doesn’t get it. A few minutes later, she storms back up with her husband and her two friends again. The husband is glaring at me, but he pulls out a bag of IDs.)

Husband: “One.” *tosses ID* “Two.”

(He repeats the process until there are four IDs in front of me. Having had enough of this nonsense by this point, I pick up the IDs and look at them before tossing them out on the counter, one by one, after checking them. His glare hardens.)

Husband: “Where is your manager?”

(They complained and my manager gave me a talking to for a minute, but I think she knew they were being ridiculous. I served them their drinks without further incident. Even though they kept guessing, including Ireland again, they never figured out where I was from, and kept cutting me off every time I tried to tell them.)

(I work at a popular theme park at one of our 3D attractions. We can fit a little over 400 people per show, but this requires essentially stuffing the lobby prior to everyone entering the theater. I’m the one directing people where to go at this time.)

Me: *into a microphone, standing in the middle of the crowd* Ladies and gentlemen, please continue moving all the way forward, up to the yellow line! If there’s any available space in front of you, please move in into it!

Random man right behind me: *VERY loudly, enough for the mic to pick it up* THERE AIN’T NO DAMN SPACE!

Me: *dumbfounded* I’m sorry…?

(I understand it’s crowded and hot, but seriously, do you want me to magically expand the lobby? Because I can’t do that.)

(I am at a theme park, travelling with a group, including a girl with Downs Syndrome and someone in a wheelchair. We decide to take the train up the overwhelmingly steep hill to the gate to leave. We’re waiting, one train arrives and goes, and then another. The queue is slowly going away and the group is becoming restless. Then the third train arrives. Bear in mind that around the train are numerous signs all saying one-way trip. If you catch the train down, you have to get off for other people. Same in the other direction. On the train is a woman and a baby, who doesn’t want to get off. In fact, she openly believes having a baby means she doesn’t need to get off the train and join the queue.)

Woman: *pointing at the sleeping baby* “Well I have a baby!”

(This goes on for a few minutes until someone else in the line shouts out:)

Guest: “And we have disabled children!”

(The train conductor made a half hearted attempt to shush us as I end up yelling to the woman:)

Me: “So, you can’t read if you have a baby then?!”

(Then the whole queue begins yelling, but the woman is still insisting she doesn’t need to move. Then the baby stirred, being awoken by the noise. All of a sudden the woman is happy to get up and walk off, yelling:)

Woman: “F*** you!”

(As she does the walk of shame the crowd cheers loudly, ignoring the attempts at shushing us from the worker. At this she points the middle finger at us.)

(I work at a popular park where they have daily parades, unless it rains.)

Guest: *frantically runs into the store, child dangling under her arm* “Can I take this?”

Me: “Take…?”

(The guest is now placing her child on the ground while trying to open the disposable camera box she is now holding.)

Guest: “Yeah, Barry Bonds is the grand marshall. My husband loves him… Can I just take this?”

Me: “No… ma’am… you have to pay for it. Then you can take it.”

Guest: *looking at me in disbelief* “What?! It’s Barry Bonds; you know, the baseball player?”

Me: “You need to pay for it no matter who the grand marshall is, ma’am. You pay for it and you can take it anywhere.”

Guest: “This is ridiculous!” *she runs out cursing me; the child runs out after her because she had forgotten him*

(I work as a security officer for a local theme park. Occasionally, the parent company will rent out the park after hours to host private events, usually corporate parties for big companies. When this story takes place, I and the other officers are sweeping out the day guests, and we’ve been instructed to be a little more insistent since catering has to set up for a private event an hour after park close. The tables and lights are already set up as we’re waiting on the last guests to exit a ride, when two teenagers approach me. Keep in mind, all of the event guests will be arriving by bus after park close.)

Guest #1: “Where do we go for the special event?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’re part of the event?”

Guest #2: “Yeah! Well, uh, his dad is. And he’s getting us in.”

([Guest #1] then puts on his sunglasses (it’s dark) and crosses his arms like some corporate executive.)

Me: *starting to laugh, thinking it’s a joke* “Are you sure?”

([Guest #2] looks from his friend to me, starting to laugh nervously.)

Guest #2: “Yeah, uh, what’s wrong?”

Me: “Uh, maybe you’re here for [Other Event in Other Park]?”

Guest #1: “Oh, is it in [Other Park]?”

Me: “Well, we have a couple of events going on tonight in different locations. What company is your dad with?”

Guest #1: “Uh…” *looks at friend* “…Microsoft?”

Me: *smiling knowingly* “There’s no event for Microsoft.”

Guest #2: “Oh, well, we’ll just find out where to go somewhere else!”

(They both stormed off, [Guest #1] still wearing his sunglasses. By that point the final guests were getting off the ride and my coworkers all had a good laugh about it. I gotta give props to the two of them for sticking with their ruse to the end, though.)