icon_fooddrink

Sweetly Blessed

| Hollywood, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Popular, Tourists/Travel

(I work at Hogsmeade in the Universal Studios Hollywood.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am! Welcome to [Candy Shop]. Did you find everything you like?

Guest: “Do you have those glass candy feather pens? My daughter loves these things.”

Me: “You mean the sugar quills, right?”

Guest: “Oh, bless your heart. I want one of those candy feather pens. So, do you have those?”

Me: *takes a small breath of air, smiles, and walks from behind the counter and gets a sugar quill from a stand* “You mean this right?”

Guest: “Oh, bless your heart. Yes, that is what it looks like!”

(I ring her up and she looks at her receipt after I bag everything up for her.)

Guest: “Honey, you gave me the wrong item. That is not a candy feather pen.”

Me: “Ma’am, quills are feathered pens. They aren’t anything else. Please have a Magical day and… bless your heart.”

icon_badbehavior

Theme Bark

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bad Behavior

(I work security at a theme park. A guest tries to rush past me to get in after the park has closed, and we have closed all the entrance gates.)

Me: “Sir, this is an exit only.”

Guest: “I’m looking for my brother.”

Me: “This is an exit only, and they’re pushing everybody out.”

Guest: *yelling* “I’m looking for my brother. You can walk with me if you want.”

(I’m not allowed to leave my spot, because I’m the only one out there to make sure nobody comes back in, though I do have a little leeway as to how far away I can get, as long as I don’t go more than a couple yards away.)

Me: “How old is your brother?”

Guest: *still yelling* “Old, but he’s got two kids he’s having trouble with.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t let—”

Guest: “You can walk with me if you want.”

(He starts rushing off, and I’m about to call my sergeant over for a “disorderly conduct” when I notice him already walking over, and point to the guest. The guest turns around, having spotted his brother.)

Guest: “He’s right there. You could have just walked with me.”

(My sergeant’s gotten to the guest by this point, and speaks with him. I can’t hear what they’re saying, because I’m too far away, and there are still a decent number of people leaving. The guy leaves, and my sergeant comes over.)

Me: “I was just about to call you for a [radio code] when I saw you coming this way.”

Sergeant: “Yeah, I heard a guy yelling, and thought it was at his kid. When I turned around and saw he was yelling at you, I started making my way over.”

Me: “He blew up barely after I told him he couldn’t come in the second time.”

Sergeant: “He completely changed his attitude when he saw me.”

(My sergeant is a big guy; about six feet tall, maybe an inch or two more, and about the size of a football player. I haven’t learned what he said to the guy yet.)

icon_petsanimals

Hope They’re Just Pulling Your Trunk

| GA, USA | Pets & Animals, Popular

(The theme park I am employed at happens to have animals, one of which is a 75 year old elephant, who is incredibly lazy and likes to lay on her side.)

Me: *dispensing hay to the elephant’s feeding area*

Guest: “Ma’am, your hippo is dead.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guest: “Your HIPPO is DEAD!”

(Deadpan, looks at the elephant she is referring to.)

Me: “You’re dumb.”