Daddy’s Little Grown-Up And Not-So-Bright Girl

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m lost. Can I use your phone?”

Me: “I’m sorry, our phones don’t call outside the park.”

Customer: “Can’t you call somebody to help me? I’m lost and I can’t find my daddy.”

Me: “Sure. How old are you?”

Customer: “19.”

Me: “… I’m afraid our security only helps lost children.”

Customer: “But I AM lost.”

Me: “Well, do you know his cell number?”

Customer: “Yeah.” *pulls out cellphone*

It’s Always The One You Least Suspect

| San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(My job at the theme park is to explain the rules at certain rides.)

Mom: “Who told you couldn’t ride sweetie?”

Kid: *points at me*

Mom: “Why did you send my kid back down to me?!”

Me: “Sorry, he’s too short for this ride, but you guys are more than
welcome to play in the other areas.”

Mom: *points at another kid* “But he is WAY shorter than my son!”

Me: “No, sorry. I measure every child and he made the minimum height.”

Mom: “That’s ridiculous. Can’t my son go just once? He’s waited all day to play over here.”

Me: “No, sorry…”

Mom: “You’re just a prude.”

Me: “I probably get more than you do.”

Mom: *jaw drops*

Just Tell ’em What They Want To Hear, Part Three

| Santa Claus, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at an amusement park where they have free unlimited drinks throughout the park, a fact that is posted all over the park.)

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, how much are your free soft drinks?”

Me: “… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Are you deaf son!? HOW MUCH ARE YOUR FREE SOFT DRINKS!?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir. I couldn’t hear you and thought you said something stupid. The free drinks are $5 each.”

Customer: “That’s f***ing highway robbery! You people should be ashamed!”

Me: “Oh, we are…”

Just Tell ’em What They Want To Hear
Just Tell ’em What They Want To Hear, Part Two

The Art Of Persuasion

| New Hampshire, USA | Uncategorized

(This is on one of the busiest days we’ve ever had. We literally had to stop letting people into the park)

Guest: “Why can’t I go into the park?! I drove here from Cape Cod!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the general manager said we’re not allowed to let anyone else in. We’re at capacity.”

Guest: “Why can’t I go in now? There are a ton of people leaving!”

Me: “There are a few things, sir. The general manager said we can’t allow anyone else in, we have weather coming which might halt operations, and even if we let you in, you honestly wouldn’t have fun. There are a ton of people in there.”


Me: “Sir, your options are you can stay here and complain to me about not being let in, or I can let you in, and you can pay $35 to complain to me that there are too many people inside the park. How’s that?”

Guest: “On second thought, I’ll just go to the beach.”

I Never Met A Simile I Didn’t Like

| Gothenburg, Sweden | Uncategorized

(I work at an amusement park. On this day I’m overseeing Skee-Ball, where you roll balls up a ramp to make them hit 4″ wide holes on the wall.)

Customer: “How does this game work?”

Me: “Well, it’s kinda like bowling, but without the pins.”

Customer: “But a bowling ball doesn’t fit in those holes!”

Me: “No…”