Too Hot To Give A Hoot

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Rude & Risque

(I work at an amusement park where one of my jobs is to hand out 3D glasses and entertain guests before the show. A guest and his wife come up the queue on a particularly hot day.)

Me: *handing them glasses* “Here you are! Enjoy the show.”

Guest: “This is a 3D movie?”

Me: “Yep.”

Guest: “And it’s inside?’

Me: “Yeah, and it’s air conditioned, so it’s definitely worth it.”

Guest: “What’s it about?”

Me: “It’s a ten minute movie about dinosaurs.”

Guest Wife: “I don’t care if y’all got a hooters show in there. If it’s air conditioned, we’re going!”

Liar, Liar, Hand’s On Fire

| CA, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

(Our theme park has designated smoking areas. I have just rounded a corner and see a guest smoking in a non-designated spot near a children’s play area. She spots me quickly and hides the cigarette in her hand.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a non-smoking area. I can show you to one of our designated smoking areas just a short distance away.”

Guest: “I wasn’t smoking! That is a very rude accusation to make!”

(Meanwhile, smoke has been drifting out from between her fingers where she has cupped her hand around the still-lit cigarette.)

Me: “Then it appears your hand is on fire. I can take you to one of our emergency medical stations. They’re conveniently located next to our designated smoking areas.”

Guest: *deadpan* “Yes, that’s it. Oh no, my hand! Please show me to medical station!”

(I lead her towards the medical station. As soon as she sees the smoking area, she peels off without a word and goes there to finish her cigarette.)

Please, No Free, Unlimited Questions

| Santa Claus, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a cashier at an amusement park that has a special deal involving free unlimited drinks.)

Customer: “How many free, unlimited soft drinks can I have?”

Me: *thinking I misheard him* “How many free, unlimited soft drinks can you have?”

Customer: *nods*

Me: “Sir, since our soft drinks are both free and unlimited, you can have as many as you want.”

Customer: *visibly brightens* “Thanks!”