Please Keep All Cybernetics Inside The Ride At All Times

| Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work as an attendant for a theme park roller coaster. We have had an incident where a guest’s $10,000, custom-made prosthetic leg fell off while he was riding the coaster and landed in the moat below. Thanks to that, the park changed their policy to not allow anyone to bring a prosthetic limb onto any ride; now they must be stored in lockers with other personal belongings.)

Me: “How many in your party, sir?”

Guest: “Two.”

Me: “Row three, please. Right this way.”

Guest: “Hold on.”

(He bends over, unsnaps something, pulls his leg out of his jeans, straightens up and hands it to me.)

Me: “Uh…”

Guest: “Could you hold onto this while I ride?”

Me: *unable to take my eyes off the prosthetic being offered* “I, uh… I’m sorry, sir. You’ll have to store that in the lockers out front.”

Guest: “You mean I have to go through the whole line again?”

Me: *visibly shivering* “You, um, I mean, I can give you a pass to let you back into the leg -I mean- front of the line.”

Guest: “Well, that sure is a pain.”

(He starts hobbling around to put his leg back on, when new guests start coming down the queue. At the front of the line is a little boy, maybe 6 or 7 years old, and his mother.)

Little Boy: *wide-eyed and pointing at the one-legged man* “Look, mommy! That man’s a robot!”

Mother: “You’re making that man feel bad. You apologize to him!”

Little Boy: *suddenly terrified* “Is he gonna shoot me with his lasers?”

Guest: *in a silly computer-like voice* “DON’T WORRY, YOUNG HUMAN PERSON. I ONLY SHOOT BAD GUYS WITH MY LASERS. BEEP BOOP.”

Little Boy: “Whoooooaaaaaa!”

Chunder Mountain

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(I operate a pretty big roller coaster for a ticket run theme park.)

Father: *to his 10 year old* “Shall we ride?”

Son: “We just had lunch.”

Father: “You’re a chicken. I’ll ride it myself!”

Me: “Sir, just so you know, this ride is bumpy and has a lot of quick stops. It isn’t very fun on a full stomach.”

Father: “How would you know? Have you ever tried?”

Me: “No, but I’ve been doing this job for 3 years now.”

Father: “Well, I’ll show you, and I’ll sit in the very back.”

Me: “If you say so; the customer is always right. Have fun!”

(The father boards the ride, and I keep an eye on him. As I predicted, he isn’t going doing so well and is clutching his stomach throughout the ride. When the ride finally jerks to a stop, the puke flies.)

Son: “Dad, I told you not to do it!”

Wales Is A Country Too

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(The marine park where I work features a show starring beluga whales.)

Guest: *runs up* “I need to find Belgium stadium!”

Me: “I would be happy to help… what are you looking for again?”

Guest: “BELGIUM STADIUM!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have a Belgium stadium. Belgium is a country in Europe.”

Guest: “But I need to find Belgium Stadium! The show is about to start!”

Me: *dawns on me* “Oh, do you mean Beluga Stadium? Like the big white whales?”

Guest: “What the heck is a beluga? I want to see Belgiums!”

Me: *gives up* “Right this way, sir…”