She Uses The Google, Part 3

| Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling the [Company] Festival. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Oh, thank God! I need help! Your website is terrible. I can’t do anything on it! All I want to do is book my damn tickets. This is f***ing disgusting.”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re having so much trouble! I can help you book your seats. What show are you interested in?”

Caller: “I just can’t do anything on it. I can’t even find the calendar. You really need to be more accessible. This is the worst website I have ever seen! Who the h*** made this trash?”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss. If you are having this much trouble, I would be more than happy to help you order over the phone. It will only take a—”

Caller: “NO!”

Me: “No?”

Caller: “Tell me how to do this. I’m not a stupid old crone.”

Me: “Sure! I can guide you through the process. Are you on our website at this moment?”

Caller: “Of course I’m f***ing on your website!”

Me: “Okay, then. The first thing I want you to do is login. I can create a temporary username and password on this end for you to use.”

Caller: “Login?”

Me: “At the very top of the page it should say ‘Welcome, please login.’ I want you to click that message.”

Caller: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “It should be in big bold red letters, right above our logo.”

Caller: “Don’t be stupid. All it says is ‘Google!'”

(As you can imagine, the call went on for quite some time before I finally convinced her to let me book her order over the phone!)

Related:
He Uses The Google
He Wants The Google
She Uses The Google, Part 2
She Uses The Google

Curtains Up For This Kitty

| CA, USA | Love/Romance

(I’m on the phone with a caller and assisting with her ticket purchase for a future visit.)

Me: “Okay, so did you say you needed two senior tickets?”

Caller: “Oh, no…it’ll be one adult and one senior. My boyfriend is younger than me. I’m a cougar. RAWR!”

She’s Also Forgetting Her Manners

| Boston, MA, USA | Food & Drink

(The concession stand at our theatre sells a few types of candy, soda, wine, and beer. It’s an upscale live performance theatre so it doesn’t have popcorn or many of the other options that movie theaters have. An elderly woman approaches the stand before the show.)

Elderly Woman: “I want a hot dog and french fries!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have hot dogs or french fries. All our snacks are displayed on the bar.”

Elderly Woman: “You’re lying! I was here last month and you had hot dogs and french fries!”

(Note: I have worked here for three years. In that time we never had hot dogs or french fries.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s impossible for me to give you a hot dog and french fries. We simply don’t sell them. Would you like a candy instead?”

Elderly Woman: “NO! I don’t want candy! I want a HOT DOG and FRENCH FRIES! Why don’t you understand me?”

Me: “I do understand you, ma’am, but the only possible way for me to give you a hot dog and french fries would be to go to my home and make you some, and by that time you would have missed the show.”

Elderly Woman: “I don’t care! I want a hot dog and french fries and it’s YOUR job to get them to me! If that’s what you have to do, then do it!”

(At this point a woman in her 50s approaches the elderly woman.)

Middle-aged Woman: “Mom, did you get what you want?”

Elderly Woman: “NO! This little b**** won’t give me my hot dog and french fries!”

Middle-aged Woman: “They don’t sell hot dogs or french fries here.”

Elderly Woman: “Yes, they do! We were here last month, and they had them!”

Middle-aged Woman: “We didn’t come here last month. We went to [famous baseball stadium a few blocks away]. THEY had hot dogs and french fries!”