(My theatre group does a play at an amusement park. We often walk around the park in costume to tell visitors about the play. Note that the play was about two “bad guys” who wanted to cut all the trees to build a large shopping mall in the forest.)

Me: “Did you see those two guys? They want to build a mall here. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad!”

Little Girl: “You really don’t know what a mall is?”

Me: “No, I just live here in the forest.”

Little Girl: *with piercing eyes* “Really. I mean in real life.”

Me: “I really live here!”

Little Girl: “No, I mean when you’re in your normal clothes.”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, in real life I know what a mall is.”

Little Girl: *looks satisfied* “I knew it!”

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(A customer has just purchased some tickets and they’ve just been given their tickets.)

Customer: “Oh, before I go… if I eat my ticket, can you replace it?”

Me: “Uh, eat… your ticket?”

Customer: “Yes, I eat things, I can’t help myself.”

Me: “If you eat your ticket, then keep your receipt and we’ll be happy to replace your ticket.”

Customer: “Oh, okay thanks!”

(The customer walks away and then pauses and comes back to the ticket desk.)

Customer: “What if I eat my receipt and my ticket?”

Me: “Please don’t.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks!”

This story is part of the Even-Stranger-Customers roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Weird And Funny Stories About The Strangest Customers Ever

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(I am giving a tour of the opera house to a group of fifth-graders. We are backstage and we pass a large service elevator, generally used to transport grand pianos, costume racks, etc.)

Me: “So, guys, who can think of a reason why the opera needs such a big elevator?”

*silence*

Kid In The Back: “Because there are REALLY BIG PEOPLE in operas!”

This story is part of our “Kids say embarrassing things” roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Hilarious Stories About Sisters, And How We Love/Hate Them!

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(A customer calls in to order tickets.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Theater]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to order tickets to see your show!”

Me: “All right then, and which show were you looking for?”

Caller: “You mean there’s more than one?!”

Me: “That’s right, we have six shows in our season, and twelve from people who rent our space.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t like that many choices!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Maybe we can narrow it down. Would you like to see one of our current shows or something within the month?”

Caller: “What month is this?!”

Me: “It’s January.”

Caller: “No, I don’t like January! What else is there?”

Me: *pause* “February?”

Caller: “Hmm. February. FEB-ruary. F-F-F-Feb. No, I don’t like that either!”

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Customer: “Excuse me, can I buy three tickets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re sold out.”

Customer: “Isn’t this [Town] High School?”

Me: “Yes, but this show is sold out.”

Customer: “How many seats are left?”

Me: “None. We’re sold out. There’s another show tomorrow at–”

Customer: “Well, next time you should think about being already sold out before you start selling tickets!”

This story is included in our Even-More-Impossible requests roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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