I Become Mom, Destroyer Of Worlds

, , , | Right | September 30, 2011

(I’m organizing papers for auditions when a little girl and her mom comes in. The little girl leans over my desk and starts talking to me.)

Girl: “Santa Claus doesn’t exist.”

Me: “Why do you think that?”

Girl: “Because my toys say they’re made in China! That’s not the North Pole!”

(The little girl runs off with a disappointed look on her face. The mom looks over at me.)

Mom: “Just wait ’til she hears about the tooth fairy. She’ll be devastated!”*walks away with a grin on her face*

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Don’t Call Us, We Won’t Call You

| Right | September 13, 2011

Me: “Ticketing services, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I have an issue. It keeps telling me that for delivery, for the tickets ‘will call’.”

Me: “Yes, that is an option for the tickets.”

Customer: “Yes, but will you call me, do I call you? How long do I have to wait?”

Me: “Oh! No, no…’will call’ means we hold the ticket at the box office and you pick it up at the show.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that?!”

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Seats Are All ‘Bout Location, Location, Location

| Right | September 10, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling Hollywood Bowl audience services. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need help finding my seat on the seating map.”

Me: “Sure, what seats are they?”

Customer: “Okay, well, these seats are in section E, row Z, seat 114.”

Me: “Um, section E isn’t set up that way. The rows go in numbers, and the highest seat in that section is seat 47.”

Customer: “So, I can just go to the box office and they can figure it out from there?”

Me: “I guess so, but that row and those seats don’t exist at the Hollywood Bowl.”

Customer: “Well, these are seats for the Santa Barbara Bowl. Is that the same as the Hollywood Bowl?”

Me: “No. No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Oh, so where’s the Santa Barbara Bowl?”

Me: “I would assume in Santa Barbara.”

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Should Be Throne Out

| Right | June 22, 2011

(The theater has four wheelchair spots in the back for those who cannot get out of their wheelchair. A wheelchair patron comes in. The seat listed on the ticket is for row H in the center. I assume that she is able to transfer out of her chair and guide herself to the row.)

Me: “Here we are. When you are seated, I will take–”

Customer: “Why is there a seat there?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I cannot get out of my wheelchair.”

Me: “Oh, well in that case, let me show you to the ADA seating area.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to sit back there! I won’t be able to see back there!”

Me: “We can sometimes accommodate wheelchairs to the front–”

Customer: “No! That is too close. I want to be in the center of the theater! Remove the chair that is there and let me sit in the seat I purchased!”

Me: “But the seats are attached to the floor permanently. I can’t remove them.”

Customer: “This is discrimination!”

(The patron begins yelling obscenities at me. The House Manager comes to intervene.)

House manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. That is the only way to accommodate you.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable.”

(The patron begins to wheel herself back up the aisle, finds it difficult, gets up, and pushes the empty chair back into the lobby.)

Me: “I thought you couldn’t get out of your chair?”

Customer: “I can, but I don’t want to!”

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I Have A Dream And A Voice

, , , | Right | March 30, 2011

Customer: “I think I was just in the wrong theater.”

Me:The King’s Speech? No, that was the right one.”

Customer: “It’s just been all these British people talking.”

Me: “Yes. The King’s Speech.”

Customer: “But, isn’t it about Martin Luther King Jr.?”

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