Seats Are All ‘Bout Location, Location, Location

| Hollywood, CA, USA | Right | September 10, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling Hollywood Bowl audience services. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need help finding my seat on the seating map.”

Me: “Sure, what seats are they?”

Customer: “Okay, well, these seats are in section E, row Z, seat 114.”

Me: “Um, section E isn’t set up that way. The rows go in numbers, and the highest seat in that section is seat 47.”

Customer: “So, I can just go to the box office and they can figure it out from there?”

Me: “I guess so, but that row and those seats don’t exist at the Hollywood Bowl.”

Customer: “Well, these are seats for the Santa Barbara Bowl. Is that the same as the Hollywood Bowl?”

Me: “No. No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Oh, so where’s the Santa Barbara Bowl?”

Me: “I would assume in Santa Barbara.”

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Should Be Throne Out

| Miami, FL, USA | Right | June 22, 2011

(The theater has four wheelchair spots in the back for those who cannot get out of their wheelchair. A wheelchair patron comes in. The seat listed on the ticket is for row H in the center. I assume that she is able to transfer out of her chair and guide herself to the row.)

Me: “Here we are. When you are seated, I will take–”

Customer: “Why is there a seat there?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I cannot get out of my wheelchair.”

Me: “Oh, well in that case, let me show you to the ADA seating area.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to sit back there! I won’t be able to see back there!”

Me: “We can sometimes accommodate wheelchairs to the front–”

Customer: “No! That is too close. I want to be in the center of the theater! Remove the chair that is there and let me sit in the seat I purchased!”

Me: “But the seats are attached to the floor permanently. I can’t remove them.”

Customer: “This is discrimination!”

(The patron begins yelling obscenities at me. The House Manager comes to intervene.)

House manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. That is the only way to accommodate you.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable.”

(The patron begins to wheel herself back up the aisle, finds it difficult, gets up, and pushes the empty chair back into the lobby.)

Me: “I thought you couldn’t get out of your chair?”

Customer: “I can, but I don’t want to!”

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I Have A Dream And A Voice

| MA, USA | Right | March 30, 2011

Customer: “I think I was just in the wrong theater.”

Me:The King’s Speech? No, that was the right one.”

Customer: “It’s just been all these British people talking.”

Me: “Yes. The King’s Speech.”

Customer: “But, isn’t it about Martin Luther King Jr.?”

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Mall Brats

| Netherlands | Right | October 26, 2010

(My theatre group does a play at an amusement park. We often walk around the park in costume to tell visitors about the play. Note that the play was about two "bad guys" who wanted to cut all the trees to build a large shopping mall in the forest.)

Me: “Did you see those two guys? They want to build a mall here. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad!”

Little Girl: “You really don’t know what a mall is?”

Me: “No, I just live here in the forest.”

Little Girl: *with piercing eyes* “Really. I mean in real life.”

Me: “I really live here!”

Little Girl: “No, I mean when you’re in your normal clothes.”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, in real life I know what a mall is.”

Little Girl: *looks satisfied* “I knew it!”

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Eating Disorderly

| Wiltshire, UK | Right | October 26, 2010

(A customer has just purchased some tickets and they’ve just been given their tickets.)

Customer: “Oh, before I go…if I eat my ticket, can you replace it?”

Me: “Uh, eat…your ticket?”

Customer: “Yes, I eat things, I can’t help myself.”

Me: “If you eat your ticket, then keep your receipt and we’ll be happy to replace your ticket.”

Customer: “Oh, okay thanks!”

(The customer walks away and then pauses and comes back to the ticket desk.)

Customer: “What if I eat my receipt and my ticket?”

Me: “Please don’t.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks!”

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