The Title Could Be Plane-er

| England, UK | Movies & TV

(I work in a theatre that occasionally shows films. One week we are showing ‘Snakes on a Plane.’)

Customer: “What is that film about?”

Me: “Well, there’s this plane…”

Literally Milked Dry

| London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(This is a conversation overheard between my coworker and two customers. Customer #1 is male and at the front of the queue, and has rather a large order of coffees. Customer #2 is behind him, a smaller woman who appears to be waiting impatiently. Our coffee machine on the bar is one of the typical barista-style ones with the nozzle for foaming the milk in a jug.)

Customer #1: *to my coworker* “So, I’ll have two cappuccinos.”

(My coworker makes them.)

Customer #1: “And two more, please.”

(My coworker makes them.)

Customer #1: “And a black coffee.”

(My coworker makes it.)

Customer #1: “And a tea.”

(My coworker makes it.)

Customer #1: “And three more cappuccinos. Sorry, love.”

(My coworker makes them. Thankfully after this, the customer decides that’s more than enough coffee for his group, and pays. Unfortunately, what with it being a very busy show, us being only a small bar, and his having ordered so many coffees, we have already run out of milk. My coworker turns to Customer #2 at this point and greets her.)

Coworker: “Good evening. What can I get you?”

Customer #2: “One cappuccino please.”

(My coworker explains to her that we are currently out of milk because of the large order she just took. The look on the woman’s face turns to pure rage.)

Customer #2: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON’T HAVE ANY MILK?!”

(The entire room stops and falls silent.)

Customer #2: *still shouting* “I NEED MY COFFEE. WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?!”

(My coworker is biting back the urge to retort, judging by her face. I decide to step in.)

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but my coworker just explained to you the situation. We can either make you a tea and get you some milk sachets from the lower bar, or we can send you there to get filter coffee.”

Customer #2: *turns to me* “Oh, FORGET IT! You stupid people, not having any milk! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Madam, you have shouted at my coworker and me, and insulted us. I am refusing you service in this bar for the entire evening. Please leave.”

(Customer #2 shoots me a dirty look and storms out. As she does so, a few of the patrons applaud. Customer #1 approaches the bar.)

Customer #1: “If I had known she was going to be that nasty without coffee I would willingly have given up one of mine. Glad I didn’t have to, though!”

(He left a £5 tip!)

Utah Got The Wrong Place

| Canada | Bizarre, Geography, Musical Mayhem

(I am working at the box office when the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Business]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m looking for the Utah Symphony.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “The Utah Symphony.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you have the wrong number. I’m in Canada.”

Caller: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure I’m in Canada.”

Caller: “Is this [Address] in [City], Utah?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m on [Street] in [City], Canada.”

Caller: “But where can I find the Utah Symphony?”

Me: “…try Utah?”