Fat Chance That’s A Baby

, , | Related | June 28, 2017

(My boyfriend asked me to marry him while we are on vacation and we decide to wait to tell our family until we were back. This happens while at my parents’ house.)

Me: “So [Boyfriend] asked me to marry him and I said yes!”

(My parents congratulate us.)

Brother: *puts hand on my stomach* “So, am I going to be an uncle now?”

Me: “No, that’s just fat.”

(Yeah, thanks, little brother. Really makes me feel secure with my body!)

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Will Wait For The Movie

, , , , | Right | June 28, 2017

(This is an e-mail conversation:)

Customer: “I would like to know if [Title] has subtitles.”

(The title in question only appears in book form on our list.)

Coworker: “We cannot find the requested DVD; could you please let us know the article number?”

(The customer sends number of the book.)

Coworker: “Thank you for your e-mail, but this is information about a book.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know it’s a book; I still would like to know if it has subtitles.”

(It wasn’t even a children’s book or a book to learn a language. I had to explain that books in general don’t have subtitles.)

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Harry Potter And The Act Of Kindness

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 25, 2017

(Back when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (the last book in the series) comes out in the bookstores, I am a teenager in high-school with little money to my name. My grandmother knows I am a big fan and has given me exact change to be able to buy the hardcover version of the book I have been waiting so long for. In my excitement to get the book, I leave on my bicycle to buy it, not bothering to take anything else but the amount she gave me. During the 15 minute ride to the store, I noticed a middle aged man cycling the exact same path from my street and to the bookstore. We both enter the bookstore and I am first in line with him standing next in line.)

Cashier: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Me: *excited* “I’m here to buy Harry Potter seven!”

Cashier: “All right, which one do you want, the hardcover or the paperback?”

Me: “The hardcover, please!”

(The cashier grabs one of the hardcover books and tells me the amount I owe. Having gotten some loose bills and coins, I haven’t taken the time to count it. When she looks at it she frowns and tells me this is only enough for a paperback version. My grandmother must have miscounted by accident, and having no other money on me, I’m momentarily speechless and only mumble some incoherent words in an attempt to gather my thoughts and make a decision. I must’ve looked very distraught; the man next in line taps me on the shoulder.)

Man: *holds out two euros which, is the extra amount I need for a hardcover, and smiles kindly* “Here, take it. The hardcover books last a lot longer.”

Me: *surprised and happy* “T-thank you! That’s unbelievably kind of you.”

(I took the two euros he offered me and finished the transaction with the cashier for a hardcover book. Being an awkward teen I could only smile and didn’t know what else to say, but it really did mean the world to me. I still cherish that hardcover copy and I wish I could’ve made it more clear to him how happy he’d made me with that small act of kindness. If you do happen to remember an awkward teen girl with glasses on the day of the release of the last book, please know that you’re a hero in my eyes, especially in a world that can be so cold and harsh at times. It’s the little things that count, and I try to do the same for others when I’m able.)

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Roll Call Is Not Their Calling

, , , | Learning | June 23, 2017

(During my first years of high school, I am in a very large class where several students have the same first name. For instance, there were two Lauras, two Lisas, several other name-pairs, and three boys that shared the same first name. Understandably, teachers get confused a lot, and the following situation occurred more than once when a teacher hands back graded work:)

Teacher: “[Girl’s Name].”

Class: *as one* “Which one?”

Teacher: “[Last Name #1]. [Boy’s Name].”

Class: “Which one?”

Teacher: “[Last Name #2].” *a few other names without problems* “[Same Boy’s Name].”

Class: “Which one?”

Teacher: “Well, the other one.”

Class: “Which one? There’s three of ’em.”

Teacher: “Oh, for Pete’s sake, [Last Name #3]!”

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Unfiltered Story #90272

, | Unfiltered | June 23, 2017

I’m at the dentist, getting my teeth cleaned. The hygienist treating me is probably new, as i never seen her before and i’ve been going to the same practice for all my life. I’m very ticklish to the water jet, so sometimes i let out a sound that is half giggle, half shriek. That’s all i can conjure up with my mouth open and I can’t help it. As a result, the hygienist is almost bend over laughing.

Hygienist – *laughing* “Can you stop making that sound? It’s too funny!”

me: “Sorry, I really can’t help it. It just tickles so much!”

After that the dental assistant comes in, who I know well, and takes over to check my gums.

Assistant: *pokes my gums with a sharp hook.*

me: *shrieks*

Assistant: (stern but friendly) “Oh, you wuss! Suck it up.”

How one pretty similar sound can conjure up such different reactions…