(I overhear this in a store when flat-screens are an upcoming thing. A middle-aged couple is checking them out. The husband is a bit skeptical about the thing while the salesman has a perfect reply.)

Customer: “Well, I don’t know. We have our chairs and couches set up pretty wide in the living room, and you get discoloration when you look at these screens from an angle.”

(This is true; these early versions do show weird colors when looking at them — almost — from the side.)

Salesman: “True, the angle does have some effect on the colors, but you’ll have to rotate at least 180 degrees before you see a significant difference.”

(I assume he meant the angle for pleasant viewing was almost 180 degrees.)

(I work at a helpdesk.)

Customer: “I need an Android-cable.”

Me: “Android-cable?”

Customer: “Yes, a normal Android-cable.”

Me: “You mean micro or Mini-USB?”

Customer: “Yes, a USB! Just a normal USB.”

Me: “There is no such thing as a normal USB. What do you need it for?”

Customer: “I don’t understand why this is so hard for you. I just need a USB for my phone!”

Me: “Do you have your phone with you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Right… Well, I have this one.”

Customer: “That’s the one I need! I think. This is just a normal Android USB, right? I’ll just take it and if it doesn’t fit, I’ll bring it back.”

Me: “Sure, I need to write down your name for this anyway.”

(We end the conversation and she walks away. I hear her mutter.)

Customer: “…doesn’t even know what an Android-cable is.”

My wife and I are on a bus. Some women get on the bus talking in Papiamento. My wife has lived for some time in Aruba and understands every word they are saying. She tells me, “They are planning on robbing the bus driver.”

I head to the bus driver and warn him what’s about to happen. He immediately calls his control center and tells them what’s about to happen. He gets orders to keep driving and don’t stop. 

The women get anxious because they obviously planned to rob the driver at the next bus stop. The driver gets a signal that it is okay to stop at the next bus stop. 

As soon as he pulls over, the women get up and start threatening the bus driver. He hands them the money and opens the doors. The women get out with their loot only to be greeted by some policemen. Of course, they all get arrested.

We leave the bus during the consternation and have a great day. No one ever found out who “the snitch” was that helped to catch some robbers, and that’s just fine with us.

(In my office, we rent out spare offices for meetings for third parties. A lady hurries in.)

Lady: “I rented an office and I need to give a presentation soon!”

(I check everything and take her to the office. I ask her if she needs anything and she says she’s fine. I return to my desk and the lady hurries to me not five minutes later.)

Lady: “The mouse is not working! How could you rent out an office without a working mouse?!”

Me: “Let’s see if I can figure out what is wrong.”

(I am no helpdesk employee, but I decide to check the basic things. First, I wiggle the wireless mouse and hit the connect button on the bottom. No luck. Then, I move to the PC and… lo and behold. I unplug an unknown USB-stick and return the receiver into the slot. It makes a ding, lights go on…)

Me: “I don’t know how this receiver got unplugged, but it’s working now. And if you need to use one of the USB-ports, please use one of the empty ones.”

(The lady turned red and muttered a “thank you,” and I didn’t see her until after the presentation. Of course, I knew she was the one who unplugged the receiver.)

(At our parking lot, we have a charger pole for electric cars. It’s for employees only, which it also says on the sign. You need a special pass to get permission to “tank.” I see an unknown car enter our parking lot and park next to the pole. A lady comes out, takes out a cable, and hooks up her electric car. I don’t recognise the lady, but she could be a new employee, so I watch for a moment. It’s obvious the lady is getting frustrated, so I get up and decide to help.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Lady: “Your pole isn’t working!”

Me: “One of my coworkers just finished charging, so it worked about an hour ago.”

Lady: “Well, it’s giving this error!”

(Our errors are color-coded and I see a bright red ring on the pole.)

Me: “Did you already swipe your pass?”

Lady: “Swipe my pass?”

Me: “Yes, employees can request a special pass.”

Lady: “Employees?”

Me: “Yes, this pole is for employees only.” *points at sign* “You’re not working here?”

Lady: “Of course not! Why would I work here?!”

Me: “I think that’s your problem; you’re not an employee and this pole is employees-only.” 

Lady: “That is ridiculous! Why would you keep this employees-only?!”

Me: “Because the company pays for the electricity?”

Lady: “So?! They are big enough! Honestly, how selfish of them not to share! I expected more of them! They don’t want to help the environment at all! I’ll never come here again!”

(She unhooked her cable, threw it in her trunk, and rushed off. Considering we are an office that only deals with large building companies, I don’t think we’ll miss out on much of her patronage.)