I work at an office with a walk-in reception for clients. We are open until 5:00 pm, the standard “business hours” for offices.

At 4:55 pm, a woman hurries in, and I look at my coworker. When the woman grabs a pile of files from her bag and starts frantically looking through them, we worry that this is going to be a long one.

However, we are proven wrong! This woman needs a few moments to find the letter, her question is clear, and she’s out at 5:02 pm! Nice

We close the door behind her and finish the closing procedure.

We are very surprised around 5:15 pm to see the woman back at our door, looking around, moving toward the door, and moving back. Did she forget something? Since we need to exit through the same door, my coworker decides to open the door for her.

Client: “Your door is broken!”

Coworker: “No, ma’am, we closed it.”

Client: “Why?”

Coworker: “Because we close at 5:00 pm.”

Client: “Why?”

Coworker: “Because… those are our hours.

[Coworker] points at the opening hours on the door, which are quite big and bold.

Client: “But it’s not even five!”

Coworker: “It is, ma’am, but did you forget anything?”

Client: “No, no. I just wanted to use your restroom because I need to get to [Company] before five!”

Coworker: “I can let you use our restroom, but I’m afraid it’s already after 5:00.”

Client: “Why?”

We let her case manager know about this. He reassured us that there was nothing to worry about; this happened often and was just a case of someone “trying to do too much at the same time”.

I am married to a software developer, and I learned a lot about how things go while we were forced to work from home. This means I try to follow all the steps before submitting a bug report to the IT department at work. 

I come across a bug: in order for two systems to communicate together for a specific customer file, it needs a code. This code is automatically generated and visible to the administrator (me). I see the code in [system A] but not in [system B]. I can’t put it in manually, and it means the system just needs a “code refresh”, something only IT can do. 

My bug report and experience go like this.

Me: “I need a code refresh for [file]; the code shows up in [system A] but not in [system B].”

IT: “Have you refreshed the system?”

Me: “Yes, I have.”

IT: “Have you restarted your computer?”

Me: “Yes. I came across this problem yesterday, and my computer has been shut down during the night.”

IT: “Have you cleared your cookies?”

I think, “But this is not a web-based system…” but clear my cookies anyway.

Me: “Cleared the cookies. No result.”

IT: “When you log in, have you checked the credentials?”

Me: “Yes, I put in [credentials].”

IT: “Have you checked for spaces?”

Me: “Yes, here’s a screenshot of how I put it in.” *Sends a screenshot*

IT: “Spaces can be invisible.”

Me: “I tried it again. No luck. It still shows a code in [system A] but not in [system B]. I need a code refresh.”

IT: “Please put in the credentials without spaces.”

Me: *Getting frustrated* “I put the credentials in and made sure there were no spaces in front, in between, or at the end. The system also shows no code in [system B]…” *adds screenshot* “…while it is present in [system A].” *Adds screenshot*

IT: “Which error do you get?”

Me: “There is no code available.”

IT: “Are you sure you are not typing spaces?”

I send the same screenshots back, now with arrows, underlining, and circles — everything but blinking GIFs. 

IT: “Ah, I see! There’s no code generated! Let me refresh that code for you!”

Back when I was a student, I regularly took up odd jobs from a temp agency to fill up my holidays, work weekends, or just anything else that came by whenever I had the time. One of those jobs was a single day of work promoting a line of photo-focused general-purpose desktop printers from [Big Printer Brand]. It was the last day of a particular sale on those printers, and they wanted to spike the sales graph a bit by sending out some students to [International Office Supply Store] to promote a printer to customers.

The thing is, that last day was April 27th, and April 27th is King’s Day in the Netherlands. It’s comparable in popularity to the Fourth of July, Quatorze Juillet, et cetera. That means that almost no one is working, at school, or studying, and while some stores are open (cunningly selling just about anything in orange, which is a theme color for King’s Day), certainly not many people would consider getting office supplies on that day. And even fewer people would be interested in getting a consumer photo printer in a store that sells to businesses.

There I was, getting paid for a day of unnecessary training along with fifteen other students (aside from my tech background and study, a glance at the Quick Start guide would’ve been enough for all the young people there), and another day of standing in [International Office Supply Store] taking pictures of my surroundings, the trees outside, and passersby willing to see the printer in action.

Actually, I should correct that; out of the three customers I saw all day, only one was bored enough to get a picture of themselves printed, and it certainly didn’t lead to a sale.

I didn’t get any sales numbers, but I would be very surprised if the total of printers sold in the country exceeded the single digits. At [Big Printer Brand], I’m quite sure someone either forgot to recognize the date in the national office or simply didn’t know about it in the international office. Either way, the margins on the printers sold at a discount could never ever have exceeded the two days of pay for fifteen students, so I bet someone got a stern talking-to afterward.

CONTENT WARNING: Violence Toward Children

This story reminded me of an event in my childhood.

My brother and I both had (and destroyed) a few Super Soakers during our childhood. At one point, my Super Soaker 2000 — AKA that purple cannon thing that could seriously injure eyes — was broken, so we played in the neighborhood with my brother’s double-barrel Super Soaker, one with a lever on top to start spraying.

We were walking on a sidewalk next to a playground when I had the terrific idea to start spraying by pulling this lever. We hit the window of one of the adjacent houses, and we instantly knew that it probably wasn’t appreciated (and might’ve given someone a slight jumpscare). We took a run for it toward a soccer field behind the playground and were pretty confident nothing would come of it.

That was until, suddenly, an elderly guy was standing behind my little brother (who was probably seven years old or so). The guy grabbed his Super Soaker, which was still strapped around his shoulder, and started pulling. He practically strangled my brother for a second before getting the Super Soaker off him and smashing it into pieces on the steel goalposts of the soccer field. He ended his assault with a crazed look in his eyes.

Elderly Guy: “Don’t do that again!”

And he took off.

We were obviously shocked, but as children often do, we pretty much blamed ourselves because we had sprayed his windows, and judging by his reaction, that’s something that adults just get really angry about.

Feeling guilty, we went home and didn’t say anything to our parents, but they read our faces soon enough and got the story out. We feared that we would get a second run of punishment, but instead, they told us to stay at home, assured us that we weren’t in trouble, and went out.

Afterward, they didn’t really share all that much about the aftermath, though we heard enough shouting about how “a lunatic like you can live next to a playground and not expect something like this to happen”. My little brother got a new Super Soaker — a better one — from the crazy neighbour and had a sore neck and bruises from the ordeal.

Years later, however, I stumbled upon some files on my parents’ computer that brought to light that they did file a police report, and the guy was actually fined pretty heavily. The money was put in a savings account for my brother for when he came of age.

I work in an office where we rent out houses. I’m sitting at the walk-in client desk with two coworkers. A man comes in.

Man: “I’m here…” *mumbles* “…again…” *mumbles* “…new bathroom…” *mumbles* “…showerhead…” *mumbles* “…and fsh-fsh-fsh.”

Whenever the man mumbles, it is in another language, so it’s easy to conclude that the man does not speak Dutch well. This is about 70% of our clientele, so we always do our best to understand what people are talking about.

Me: “Okay, you said you got a new bathroom. May I have your address?”

I get the address.

Me: “I see you indeed had a new bathroom installed. And something went wrong with the showerhead?”

Man: “No, no!” *Mumbles* “Not showerhead, but when water…” *mumbles* “…and then fsh-fsh-fsh.”

Me: “Do you mean the water is not coming out of the shower head? Or that it’s very soft?”

I’m thinking about water pressure.

Man: “No, no! When water, then fsh-fsh-fsh. And light. When click-click, also fssssh!”

The man walks to the nearby wall, pretends to click on the light, and then “draws” a line from the “light switch” to the ceiling. He makes weird gestures while saying, “Fssssh…”

Me: “Eh… the light… Do you mean sparks are coming from it? Eh… little stars?”

Man: “Yes! Yes! Click-click, stars!”

Me: “Do you mean from the wires? Can you see the wires?”

Man: “Yes! Yes!”

Me: “Okay, so possibly open wiring. That’s not good.”

Man: “And showerhead… and little girl, cry, cry, cry! Water come…” *mumbles* “…and then plick-plick-plick.”

Me: “Hold on… Are you saying stuff comes from the ceiling? Like… eh, sand? Is it raining sand?”

Man: “Yes! Yes! Raining white sand and little girl cry, cry!”

Me: “Is the sand thick or thin?”

Man: “This thick.”

Me: “I think the plaster might be coming loose from your ceiling. I’ll arrange an inspector for you.”

Man: “Yes, yes, thank you. And rubber at water tap.”

He mumbles and makes a gesture that, at least in the Netherlands, means “wanna f***”.

Man: “And rubber. Shower head.”

Me: “Well, since I’m calling an inspector for the wires and the ceiling, I will also ask him to check out that rubber for you.”

Man: “Thank you, thank you!”

I call an inspector and he’s available the next day. The client goes away — happy, presumably.

My coworkers start to laugh when the man leaves the building.

Me: *Turning red* “Gee, thanks. I could have used some help, you know?”

Coworker #1: “No, no, we’re not mocking you! I’m just amazed!”

Coworker #2: “Me, too! I had no idea what he was talking about! How did you ever come to the conclusions of the plaster or the wires?!”

Coworker #1: “And I still have no idea what he meant with the…”

[Coworker #1] repeated the man’s improper gesture.

The improper gesture: making a ring with your thumb and index finger and then “thrusting” your other index finger through it. It turned out that the man was trying to demonstrate that the hose from the showerhead was not connected well to the tap and was leaking.