Roll Call Is Not Their Calling

, , , | Learning | June 23, 2017

(During my first years of high school, I am in a very large class where several students have the same first name. For instance, there were two Lauras, two Lisas, several other name-pairs, and three boys that shared the same first name. Understandably, teachers get confused a lot, and the following situation occurred more than once when a teacher hands back graded work:)

Teacher: “[Girl’s Name].”

Class: *as one* “Which one?”

Teacher: “[Last Name #1]. [Boy’s Name].”

Class: “Which one?”

Teacher: “[Last Name #2].” *a few other names without problems* “[Same Boy’s Name].”

Class: “Which one?”

Teacher: “Well, the other one.”

Class: “Which one? There’s three of ’em.”

Teacher: “Oh, for Pete’s sake, [Last Name #3]!”

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Unfiltered Story #90272

, | Unfiltered | June 23, 2017

I’m at the dentist, getting my teeth cleaned. The hygienist treating me is probably new, as i never seen her before and i’ve been going to the same practice for all my life. I’m very ticklish to the water jet, so sometimes i let out a sound that is half giggle, half shriek. That’s all i can conjure up with my mouth open and I can’t help it. As a result, the hygienist is almost bend over laughing.

Hygienist – *laughing* “Can you stop making that sound? It’s too funny!”

me: “Sorry, I really can’t help it. It just tickles so much!”

After that the dental assistant comes in, who I know well, and takes over to check my gums.

Assistant: *pokes my gums with a sharp hook.*

me: *shrieks*

Assistant: (stern but friendly) “Oh, you wuss! Suck it up.”

How one pretty similar sound can conjure up such different reactions…

That Demand Is Gambling With Ridiculousness

, , | Right | June 21, 2017

(The building where I used to work 10 years ago contained several restaurants; you could walk through some of them to get to the others. The restaurant next to ours has a few slot machines, which are on the “border” between the two places. Our break room is next to the machines. One day, one of the gamblers gets angry about not winning again. This time, he takes it out on us.)

Gambler: “Hey, keep quiet! I can’t hear the slot properly!”

Coworker: “Ehm… what?”

(Some of these gamblers seem to think that, if you listen very carefully, you can hear a click which tells you when to push the “stop”-button. Apart from the fact that this is nonsense, there is always noise in the restaurants.)

Gambler: “You guys are making way too much noise, with all your talking and laughing in there! Come on! Get a life!”

Coworker: “Are you seriously telling us to get a life, just because we have a nice chat while on break? We’re not the ones sitting behind a gambling machine all day, wasting our time and money.”

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Blind Sided By The Service

, , , , | Hopeless | June 14, 2017

(I was hit by a car while I was on my bike, and even though I am fine, my sparkling new bike was not. It looks as if it can be repaired, so I go to the store where I bought the bike. I explain what happened and that I think there is a ‘bump’ in the rear-tire.)

Owner: “Sure, it looks easy enough to fix. Let’s take it to our shop in the back. Our mechanic is there.”

(The owner takes me there, calls out to the mechanic, and leaves. The mechanic comes towards me and I notice something ‘off.’ It takes a moment, but then I realise the mechanic is blind! The mechanic takes my bike and I’m a bit worried; how can a blind person fix my bike? The mechanic tells me to return within a day. At the end of the day, I return. The mechanic takes me to my bike.)

Mechanic: “So, that bump you felt? It was in your front-tire, not the back. And your light should be fixed as well.” *I assume he’s near-blind or asked someone else* “I also fixed the chain, the protectors, and—” *continues listing things that were broken, touching everything*

Me: “Ah, sure… thanks. So, what’s the damage? How much?”

Mechanic: “How much? The owner told me this was still under warranty! So, you pay nothing!”

(My jaw dropped and I thanked him a lot. The owner was nowhere to be found. When I got on my bike, it felt like brand new! That day I learned a LOT about blind people. 10 years later, my bike needed maintenance at the tires again. Guess who fixed my bike again?)

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Not A Picture-Perfect Celebrity Encounter

, | Right | June 7, 2017

(I’m a public photographer at a local dolphin park, meaning I stand at the entrance and ask people if they want to have their picture taken, which they can purchase at a kiosk later, granted that they like the picture. I approach a man and a woman.)

Me: “Good day, would you like to have your picture taken?”

Guest: “What does that cost?”

Me: “The pictures are eight euros each, but it’s totally non-binding if you choose not to purchase the picture.”

Guest: “Eight euros? That little? That’s ridiculous! We mostly charge way more for our pictures!”

Me: *thinking i misheard him* “Ehm, excuse me?”

Guest: *points at the woman* “Don’t you know who this is! She’s famous! Hence, YOU should pay us for the right of taking a picture of us! I can’t believe you don’t know who she is!”

Me: “With all due respect, I have never seen you people in my life and even if you were somehow famous, the picture still costs eight euros to purchase.”

(The woman stands there smugly, but says nothing all this time.)

Guest: “I’m her manager! I tell you, she’s famous!” *suddenly smiling* “Lucky you, getting to take a picture of this celebrity! This is [Woman]!” *as if it should ring an obvious bell*

Me: “Again, I have never heard of you nor seen you. If you choose not to get a picture, that is fine…”

Guest: “I do! But you gotta pay me.”

Me: “No. It doesn’t work that way.”

Guest: “Well, FINE then! But you missed out on an opportunity to photograph [Woman]. She’s famous!”

(They stormed off. Judging on how they looked it was probably one of those Dutch-Schlager genre karaoke singers. We have a lot of those here in the Netherlands; people who can’t exactly sing but still change their name to ‘Singer Whatever,’ because they sang over an pre-programmed synth beat once and recorded it and think they are Lady Gaga ever since.)

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