Not Quite A Delicate Flower

, , | Right | December 2, 2020

I work in a flower shop. I’ve been studying to be a florist for only a month now, and it’s the second day of my internship. So, naturally, we haven’t covered every part of how to take care of flowers and plants. There’s a woman looking at an outside plant.

Customer: “Excuse me, how do I take care of this plant?”

Me: “I’m not sure; I have to check with one of my coworkers.”

She immediately gets mad and actually starts screaming at me!

Customer: “How the f*** can you not know?! You are the one working here!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This is actually just my second day of my internship, and in school, we haven’t covered this part yet.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You should know all this! I need your help. Why don’t you know this and help me?”

The customer is still screaming at me and I am more than done.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry that I don’t know, but to be honest, I’m done talking to you if you keep yelling. So, please, go talk to one of my coworkers because I’m not gonna help you anymore.”

My boss comes out to see why there is so much noise.

Boss: “What seems to be the problem?”

The woman is still mad and still yelling.

Customer: “Your coworker doesn’t know anything about this plant and I just want to know how to take care of it!”

Boss: “Ma’am, she’s an intern on her second day. I wouldn’t expect for her to already know all of this.”

Suddenly, the customer calms down.

Customer: “Oh, she never told me that.”

After ten minutes of talking to my boss, she got the information she wanted and bought the plant. My boss told me she is a b**** and one of their least favorite customers.

One year later, my boss hired me to work twice a week until I finish my schooling. Sometimes that woman comes back, but she refuses to be helped by me.

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Caffe Au Pay

, , , | Right | December 1, 2020

My office is next to a café. We are not affiliated or anything; we’re just two separate businesses next to each other. Of course, many employees visit the café for a snack, a cup of coffee, etc.

A woman walks into the office.

Woman: “I have an appointment with [Employee #1].”

Me: “All right, I’ll let him know you are here.”

Woman: “Oh, and I took a cup of coffee.”

Me: “Eh, okay?”

Woman: “Just so you know.”

Me: “All right. Well… eh, you can wait here while I contact [Employee #1].”

Woman: “Aren’t you going to do something about it?”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand.”

Woman: “Seriously?! I had a cup of coffee! Don’t you dare cheat the people next door out of their money!”

Me: “Wait… You want me to pay for it?!”

Woman: “No, not you… Your finance department, your boss, I don’t care!”

Me: “Miss, why should we pay for your coffee?”

Woman: “Well, don’t you have that deal or something? [Employee #1] took me there last month!”

Me: “If he did, it was his invitation and he paid for the coffee. Our company doesn’t pay for orders of visitors; we are not affiliated or anything like that. It’s a separate café.”

Woman: “Really?!” *Annoyed* “So now you expect me to pay for that coffee?!”

Me: “If you left without paying, I might advise you to go back and pay. I’ll let [Employee #1] know you had a minor delay.”

Woman: “Seriously, I need to pay for that coffee?!”

She left anyway and returned about five minutes later, in time for her appointment. But yes, lady, you need to pay for what you ordered. I get the confusion, but please, be graceful about it.

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Ooh, This One Is A Slow Burn

, , , | Right | November 30, 2020

Tap water in Holland is ridiculously clean. Pretty much the only ways to get water that is undrinkable or contaminated is having your toilet output connected to your tap by bad plumbing or drawing straight from the canals.

I work in the laboratory for a company that produces flower food. We make those little packets that come with bouquets, but we also make also bulk solutions that florists and such put in the buckets to keep flowers fresh. Most of our products are not unlike detergent or lemonade in that you have to dilute them in a certain dosage for optimal results.

One part of the job is troubleshooting, both for internal issues and for external issues like complaints about our product.

One time, we get a complaint from a new client saying that our product is too acidic and is killing the flowers. Immediately, alarm bells start ringing! Our product does contain a bit of acid because flowers actually prefer this, but too much of a good thing is obviously bad. If this customer is correct, we’ve probably shipped a bad batch to at least twenty other customers.

First, we receive a sample of our applied product. The customer is correct in that this is by far more acidic than flowers can handle. While further analysis suggests the dosage is correct — a common cause of these kinds of issues — the results are not entirely conclusive since the product has been used, so some of the components may have been absorbed by the flowers or have degraded.

About two weeks later, we finally get a sample of our pure product. We run all the checks on it and the results are perfect! This batch could have won an award for meeting our standards! It’s a relief for the sales team, but it thickens the mystery for us and the client. We prepare our own dosage and run checks on it, and we order some flowers and put them in the solution, and everything shows this product is fine.

We double-check with our consultant who reported the complaint and he guarantees us that the client is using the correct dosage.

Another week later, our consultant calls my coworker because he is still anxious to hear if we have found any explanation. Despite our best efforts, putting about 50% of our workforce on it for three weeks now, we haven’t.

Consultant: “That really makes me question your skills. You agree that the diluted solution the client uses is bad, but you claim the pure product is good. Clearly, something isn’t adding up.”

Coworker: “Well, at this point, the only thing we haven’t tested is the client’s water, but since it’s the same Dutch tap water that we use, that seems a very unlikely cause.”

Consultant: “Agreed. They just use tap water with some hydrochloric acid added to prevent bacterial growth.” *Pause* “Why are you laughing so hard?”

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We’re Positive That This Should Never Have Happened

, , , , | Right | November 26, 2020

I am a technician that has been sent to a house to fix an issue. For health reasons, we have protocols we must follow.

Client: “Hello, welcome.”

Me: “Hello, I’m here to fix your network. Would you please wear a mask during my visit?”

Client: “Of course, of course!”

The client puts on a mask. I go to work and the client gets a phone call, which he takes. 

Client: “Oh, hey, how are you?” *Pause* “Sure, I’d love to.” *Pause* “No, I can’t. I have to remain in quarantine for eight more days. Yeah, tested positive, but I’m feeling great!”

I immediately drop what I am doing.

Me: “What?! You are infected?! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Client: “But I’m feeling fine! Jeez, I’m even wearing a mask.”

Me: “I’m out of here.”

I immediately go home for self-quarantine and to make an appointment to get tested.

I tested positive, but I didn’t get sick, thank goodness!

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Finding Interesting Ways To Conduct With The Conductor

, , | Right | November 21, 2020

Standing next to me on a train is a disheveled-looking man wearing what looks like pajama bottoms and a weird multicolored hat. We are about to arrive at a station in a little town that is locally notorious for its many institutions for people with mental problems. A train conductor comes to check for tickets.

Passenger: “I have a ticket! But it’s with my wife. She always buys my tickets. Don’t worry; my train tickets are always paid for!”

Conductor: “Where is your wife, then?”

Passenger: *Pointing to the carriage* “There… At home…”

Conductor: “Sir, if your wife has your ticket, she has to be here.”

Passenger: “Yeah, she’s right here!” *Trails off* “At… home…”

Conductor: “That doesn’t help me. If your wife has the tickets, she has to be travelling with you.”

Passenger: *Happily* “I don’t even have a wife! Oh, here’s my stop, though.”

Conductor: “Okay, you know what? For now… just leave.”

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