I am notoriously clumsy and often bump into everything. On one such occasion:

Me: *Boink!*

Wife: “Ow, are you all right? That sounded loud.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m fine, just my pride that’s hurt.”

Wife: *Without hesitating a second.* “Oh, that’s fine. Your pride is used to it.”

Thanks, love.

This was not in the US, but I’ll use approximate dollar values to make it easier for people.

Back then, I was a tier two customer service rep. Which basically meant that I got all the angry people on the phone, or the weird, bizarre, or complex cases that the tier one reps couldn’t figure out. There were a lot of crazy people calling us, but The Greek is one everyone remembered. We nicknamed him that because his true name was Greek-sounding and hard to pronounce and remember.

I’d heard rumors of him for a few weeks by then. He’d call us to help him fix his problem, but he didn’t like the solutions offered, and he’d start cursing and shouting. I’m sure all of you know the type of person I’m talking about. Eventually, someone connected him through to me.

His story was this: he bought an active speaker from us worth about $800. Within a week (he claims), it broke, but he didn’t inform us until the sixth week. Within the first thirty days, we do a replacement, no questions asked. After that, it’s a repair.

The customer said that he needed it for his work, so one of the earlier customer service reps offered and sent him a loaner model. This is the one time where we screwed up. That colleague sent out a loaner with a higher value (around $1000), and worse, he sent it to the customer before we received the broken item. He sent it before the customer even shipped the broken speaker to us. If you see the potential problem here and facepalm… yeah, that was me too.

A few days after receiving the loaner, the customer calls again, saying that the loaner is broken too, with the exact same complaint. Around this point, yours truly got the pleasure of meeting this wonderful man.

At first, I walked him through his setup to rule out user error. This is where I figured out what was going on. He connected his active speaker through an amplifier to his music installation.

For those of you with little audio knowledge, here’s what you should know:

If you use a passive speaker, you need an amplifier.

If you use an active speaker, the amplifier is built in.

So, if you run the electric signal through an amp and then into an active speaker, you blow the thing up. Poof, say goodbye to your speaker(s).

At this point, we had it on a recorded line that he destroyed both his original model (which he still hadn’t sent back) and destroyed the loaner. I told him he had a few options moving forward:

Send back the original model for repairs. It was almost certain that the supplier would determine it was his fault, and he’d have to pay for the repair since it would be out of warranty due to his actions.

Send back the loaner and keep the original. We would check it as usual, and if it’s broken due to his fault, he’d be on the hook for those repair costs.

Or send both back, with the results mentioned above.

He was not happy, to say it politely. He started shouting and screaming that we were trying to scam him, that he would not return anything since we couldn’t be trusted, yada-yada-yada. I’m sure you can imagine the colorful language used.

He went one step further. He demanded that we pay HIM $500 so he could get his thing repaired at a third party. I, of course, declined this because, what the h***, dude? Not happening.

Amidst the cursing, he told me he’d keep the loaner as “hostage” until we paid him, and that he wouldn’t send the original in either.

We went back and forth on this, getting nowhere. So, I presented him with the fourth option that I hated using: if he decided to keep both the original and the loaner, then I’d have to forward his case to our collections department. They’d inform him that he had to pay for the loaner, send out payment reminders, and could eventually escalate it to a bailiff/debt collector.

He. Went. Off.

Screaming obscenities, threats, the whole nine yards. I informed him once again of the options, talking through his screaming. He held on to what he wanted, and I disconnected the call.

I forwarded his case to collections, and they sent out a payment reminder. A normal person would pay or try to solve this. Not this guy. More threats and angry emails. Payment reminders turned into the final warning, and he still didn’t want to do anything. He still wanted us to pay him.

So, his case got turned over to the collection agency/bailiffs. A normal person would realize he messed up and pay. Not this guy. At this point, he called us again and they forwarded him to me. I explained that I could not talk about the case with him anymore; the only communication would go through the bailiffs. He got angry, I repeated, and disconnected.

At this point, it remained quiet for a bit. Until I heard what happened from someone I know in the collections department.

This idiot continued his threats and anger towards the bailiff agency. They didn’t screw around. They pressed charges with the police for the various (death) threats he made. Besides that, they went to court to get a writ for the money owed so they could seize his goods.

So instead of working with us to fix his problem, which would’ve cost about $150–200, he now has to pay over $1500 (price of the loaner + late fees/penalties + bailiff costs), or lose his possessions. Plus, he has a police investigation that is sure to screw him over.

To give you an idea: threatening people is a criminal offense that carries the maximum punishment of two years in prison or a fine of $20,000. If the threat is in writing and the defendant sets conditions (if you don’t do X, I’ll do Y), then the maximum prison time is four years. So, he royally screwed himself over.

Oh, and his speaker is still broken.

The company I work for rents out not only social houses, but also student rooms. These rooms are maintained just like the social houses and priced according to the law, though we ask less because even we think the government asks too much. So, a decent room for a decent price, though opinions may vary.

I have customer service desk duty for walk-in clients, alongside another coworker. Enter a young man, dressed very classy: an unwrinkled suit, flashy sunglasses, perfectly clean shoes, and perfect hair. With him is another young man, dressed equally sharp.

We just dealt with a rush of clients (one of them needing two hours before he finally left!), so the area was empty at that time. The young man starts leaning on the desk with one arm.

Man: “Good afternoon, ladies! It’s really quiet, isn’t it?”

Me: “Good afternoon, you just missed the rush, but that just means we have all the time for you.”

Man: “Oh, really, really? So, you two deal with aaaaaall the clients by yourself?”

Me: “No, sir, all our other coworkers deal with the other client questions. How may we assist you?”

The young man whips out a letter from his pocket, with some flair.

Man: “Well, I just returned from my six-week vacation to Thailand, and I found this letter in my letterbox. There must’ve been a mistake, this letter could not be intended for me!”

Instead of giving it to me, he hands it to my coworker, holding it with two fingers. She takes the letter and starts typing. 

The young man starts talking to his friend and they loudly mention how much their suits cost, their shoes cost, their sunglasses cost, how they visit a barber every Tuesday, and throw in a ‘I don’t know anyone as successful as me at age twenty’ and ‘When I graduate I will start a start-up because I have a money-making idea’ once in a while.

My coworker looks up.

Coworker: “Sir, I see this letter was not sent in error. You have not paid your rent for two months now. We did try to deduct it, per your contract, but both deductions failed. This was a final notice after sending you three more letters, and since you did not respond, it was sent to a collection agency. I’ve taken the liberty of writing down the number for you.”

After a short silence:

Man: “Oh, no, no, no, that is a mistake, I have automatic deduction set up!”

Coworker: “Yes, you do, but it failed twice. On both [date] and [date]. That’s why we’ve sent you these letters. I also see they mailed you twice and called you on [date].”

Man: *Laughing.* “Oh, but I was in Thailand (again, with emphasis) then, so I was not aware. So, I will pay it with my next rent.”

Coworker: “I understand you were away, but it is your responsibility to pay your rent if the automatic deduction fails. That’s why we sent letters, emailed you, and even called you.”

Man: “But I was in Thailand! How could I have known? So, I am not responsible for your mistake.”

Coworker: “Sir… the automatic deduction only fails if there is no money in your account. Are you telling me you never checked your account in those two months? And I see the first letter was sent five days after the first deduction failed. If you were six weeks away, you should’ve seen that letter.”

Man: “Well… eh… I am very busy with my studies, so I didn’t see any letters. So I can’t be responsible because I did not know.”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, sir, you are responsible. Your debt has been handed over to the collection agency. There is nothing more that we can do for you. I advise you to call them.”

Man: “Oh, I will, I will! And they will just cancel the fee, because this is all a big misunderstanding on your part.”

He puts on a show of putting on his sunglasses and takes both the letter and the note. Both walk away and leave the building. The young man flips out his phone, his posture less confident. 

The two young men keep standing right next to the sliding doors, activating them over and over again, so yes, I can hear the famous last words:

Man: “Hey, eh… dad? I’m in trouble…”

The small company where I worked had a redirecting system for incoming calls, where the caller would be asked to choose among various options to reach the two sections we had: technical office and administration.

Every prospective customer should first go through marketing, and then the sales agent would send us, technical office, the specification for preparing the quotation. Also, any assistance request should have gone through the administration.

Of course, many customers would call and opt for the technical office directly, leaving us to deal with untraceable requests.

The boss didn’t like it, but also didn’t want to pay the few hundred Euros needed to reconfigure the redirecting system.

Last time he brought it up, he threatened to fire the next one who took an external call from the technical office.

Our working hours had five hours in the morning, then a lunch break of choice, either one or two hours, followed by the remaining three hours of work in the afternoon. Due to personal convenience, I had opted for the one-hour break, and I would spend it on site, saving fuel and therefore money.

When the boss learned about it, he started calling me during the break to ask me to do work. 

I was sitting at my desk during my break and heard the phone ringing, with the unmistakable tone of an external call. I didn’t pick it up.

It rang again. I didn’t pick it up again.

It rang again. I didn’t pick it up again.

My boss comes in at the end of their two-hour break, asking me why I didn’t pick up the phone when they called.

Me: “You said not to take external calls, and that you would fire whoever took another one, so I just followed your orders.”

The topic was never brought up again.

The company I work for rents out houses. Today I received a request where I really had to bite my tongue and not answer cheekily:

Customer: “I am looking for an apartment for a minimum of one person. It really has to be suitable for a minimum of one person.”

Me: “I am pleased to inform you that all our houses are suitable for at least one person!”

I had to hold myself back from adding: ‘We don’t own any houses that are suitable for zero persons.’