Will Not Tire Of This Story

, , , | Friendly | December 9, 2018

(My twin brother is mentally handicapped, so he lives in a complex which provides housing and work for people like him. One day, I am visiting. His roommates are watching a reality show about driving. The most talkative roommate starts chatting with me.)

Me: “Those people are making a mess of it, aren’t they?”

Roommate: “Yes. I once saw a car that was wrongly parked.”

Me: “Oh, did you?”

Roommate: “Yeah. So I put a note on it, ‘Sir, you are not allowed to park here.’”

Me: “Ha! Serves him right.”

Roommate: “And then I slashed all four of his tires.”

Cof-Fee, Not Cof-Free

, , , , | Working | December 7, 2018

(In my office, people only come when they have an appointment. It surprises me that a salesman steps through the door. I am the receptionist.)

Salesman: “Hello, I am looking for [Employee].”

Me: “I can’t seem to find that name, I’m sorry.”

Salesman: “My information could be outdated. We talked in 2015.”

Me: “Well, he’s not working here anymore.”

Salesman: “Who is his replacement?”

Me: “What is your question?”

Salesman: “Well, we did business in 2015, and I thought we might be of service again. I brought a folder of things we can deliver now. Whom may I address this to?”

Me: “They work with a team, so there’s no one in charge. I can give it to them.”

Salesman: “No one is in?”

Me: “Yes, unfortunately no one is in.”

Salesman: “All right, then. Let them give me a call when they can!”

(He turns around and spots the cafe next to us, which also has an entrance in our building.)

Salesman: *eager* “Oh, can I get some coffee there?”

Me: “Yes, but it’s a different company, so it won’t be free.”

Salesman: “Ah, okay.” *looks very disappointed*

(The salesman leaves immediately. I go to the office the folder is for. I knew one person would be there, but she was very busy and I didn’t want to disturb her for a salesman. I tell her the story and give her the folder.)

Coworker: “We’ll discuss this next week, when the other members are here, as well.”

(I then tell the coworker about what happened when he asked about coffee.)

Coworker: “And he immediately left? Was he honestly fishing for free coffee?”

(I shrugged and the coworker looked at the folder. She tossed it into the bin right away. Guess the salesman didn’t make a great impression.)

Got His Harass Handed To Him

, , , , | Legal | December 6, 2018

(I’m a supervisor on a computer helpdesk. One of my tasks is to listen in on calls to check if agents are giving customers the required service. Listening in on a call, I overhear a customer being very rude to an agent. He’s calling her various foul names like slut and whore. She’s just trying to help him the best she can. The girl is nearly in tears, so I decide to teach this customer a lesson. I tell the agent to end the call because I’ll be taking over. This is how the conversation goes.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. I overheard the conversation you had with my agent and I decided that your support contract just ended. Any problem you have with your computer is no longer our concern.”

Customer: “You can’t do that. I have rights. I will sue you.”

Me: “Please do. We have recorded your call, and we will press charges for sexual harassment against you. Since you were so kind to provide us with your name and address, the police won’t have any difficulty finding you.”

Customer: “You don’t have the right to do this.”

Me: “You mean that we don’t have the right to report a sexual offender to the police?”

Customer: “I’ve got contacts. I’ll have you fired.”

Me: “Sure, but first you’ll have the police on your door.”

Customer: “You can’t do that to me.”

Me: “I can. And we will. Have a nice day, sir.”

(I contacted our legal counsellors and they told me to press charges. We did report him, and we handed over the recordings and the witness statement from the agent. He did get to do community service and had to pay a substantial sum to the agent. My employer didn’t have any problem with the way I handled the problem. He still uses this story as an example of how his company stands behind the employees. The agent got counselling and a few weeks off to recover. She’s still working for us.)

Never Give Up On Anyone… Except Maybe You

, , , | Working | December 6, 2018

(I work in a cafe that hires students for internships. They work as full-fledged employees, while training on the job. There is a high preference for students with a disability or behaviour problems, because they usually don’t get many chances. Most succeed and get jobs in “normal” cafes or catering. One student, however, is not looking promising, despite the intensive training, coaching, and personal mentor. He’s been late every day for two weeks now, and he has received his final warning. Today he showed up on time, with the cafe’s uniform, but without the required shoes. The shoes are normal black shoes, but have a strong top — in case of falling knives; yes, that has happened more than once — and anti-skid profiles on the bottom.)

Mentor: “[Student], where are your work shoes?”

Student: “Oh, eh… I lost them.”

Mentor: “You… lost them?”

Student: “Yup, they are totally gone.”

Mentor: “Ah, well… Then you’ll have to buy new ones.”

Student: “What?! No way!”

Mentor: “You know the required shoes are for your own safety. If you can’t find them, you’ll have to buy new ones.”

Student: “I’m not going to pay anything!”

Mentor: “Then you’ll just have to start looking for them!”

Student: “Haven’t you been listening?! I can’t search for them; they are lost!”

(Our cafe’s motto is, “Never give up on anyone,” but I fear we may have to look for a more suiting place for this student.)

An Umbrage Too Far

, , , | Right | December 5, 2018

(As a student, I have a job at a self-service restaurant. One of the duties of my department is “doing the hall,” which is essentially the task of taking away the dirty dishes people leave on the tables. The restaurant has a conveyor belt for the people to leave their dishes on, but of course we can’t force the customers to turn things in there themselves. Also, many people sitting on the other side of the restaurant aren’t able to find the conveyor belt. That resulted in dialogues like this:)

Customer: “Sorry, do you know where I can find the conveyor belt?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it’s that way, near the exit.”

Customer: “What? All the way over there?”

(Yes, they really said that to the employee who is obviously walking the same distance countless times every day. Even more assuming is this conversation I have with a big man with a dominant voice, who is putting his dishes on the belt.)

Customer #2: “Hey, I’m not surprised people are leaving their dishes on the tables! That belt really is far too far away!”

(Once again, I’m walking the same distance far more than he is. Also, lots of people sitting nearby the belt leave their dishes on the table, as well, so that has nothing to do with it.)

Customer #2: “Can’t you guys make a cart for that stuff, like so many other self-service restaurants have?”

(The suggestion of a cart wasn’t that weird. Weird was his idea that we should MAKE one, rather than buy it somewhere.)

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