Got There In The End

, , | Right | November 5, 2019

Customer: “Excuse me. Can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “I really like those sausages in cans; do you know which ones I mean?”

Me: “Yes, follow me.”

(I lead him to the canned meats aisle.)

Customer: “Yes, I know where they are, but do you sell can openers?”

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This Isn’t Working For Me

, , | Right | November 5, 2019

(Our business asks people to attach a test-project when submitting a support ticket, so we can easily reproduce the problem. This phone call happens after we receive a ticket without a test-project.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], I’ve spent the last two hours trying to reproduce the problem in ticket [number], but the functionality seems to be working fine here. Could you please provide us with a test-project, so we can help you solve the problem?”

Customer: *sends me a document with screenshots* “As you can see, it’s not ‘working fine.'”

Me: “Yes, sir, I can see that it’s not working on your computer. However, it is working on mine. If you could please provide us with a test-project, so we can reproduce the problem…”

Customer: *interrupting* “I don’t have time for this! I have already sent you a document to prove that it’s not working. Fix it!”

Me: “As I said, I can see that it’s not working on your computer, but I cannot reproduce the problem on my computer without a test-project. I can’t fix something that’s not actually broken.”

Customer: “I don’t have time to build another one of those d*** test-projects. You’re wasting my time. You should be able to tell what’s wrong from the screenshots I sent you.”

Me: “Sir, this problem you’re having can have multiple causes. I can’t tell which one it is without being able to check the logs. I cannot see those on your screenshots.”

Customer: “You’re useless.” *hangs up*

Me: “And… good day to you, too.”

(I closed the ticket with the note, “Works on my machine.”)

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Not Very App-y About That  

, , , | Right | November 3, 2019

(I work for a popular fast food chain that very often has online coupons you can download in the app to get a discount on various items. It used to be the case that if a customer wanted to use one of said coupons, they would just show us the coupon and we would manually apply the discount by clicking on a certain button. This is not entirely in accordance with corporate policy, because customers are supposed to open the coupon by dragging a ribbon, and then a bar code pops up. With the latest POS update, the button for applying discounts has been removed. We have been given a handheld scanner, which means we now have to ask customers to indeed open up the coupons to bring out the barcode. Some customers are having trouble adjusting to this new system and think it’s ridiculous.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Popular Fast Food Chain]! How can I help you today?”

(I take the customer’s order and ask her to pull forward to the window so I can cash her out.)

Me: “Hi! Your total will be [amount].”

Customer: “Oh, I totally forgot! I have your app, so can I get the discount on [item she ordered]?”

Me: “Sure thing! Just show me the coupon and you can start saving that money.”

Customer: “Why do I need to show it? I never have to show it.”

(I show her the scanner and explain the new system to her.)

Customer: “But last week, you guys gave me the discount without making this fuss!”

Me: “That was last week. Unfortunately, the rules have changed, so if you still want that discount, you’re going to have to show me that coupon.”

(This conversation goes back and forth with her constantly mentioning that she’s never had to show any coupons and just exhibiting a complete unwillingness to cooperate with me. Meanwhile, I’m getting more agitated with her as a line of cars with hungry people is now starting to form.)

Me: “Ma’am, just a friendly reminder: I don’t actually make the rules and I don’t have the technical know-how to bypass the scanner, so unless you want to sit here and aimlessly squabble over a couple of cents, it would be much easier and faster for all of us if you just showed me the coupon you’re referring to.” 

Customer: “You know what?! Never mind. I’ll just go to [Different Location] and they won’t make me jump through all these hoops!”

(The customer then sped off, leaving me bewildered as to why taking her phone out of her pocket and showing me a simple coupon was so much trouble to her. Besides, her “solution” wouldn’t do her much good as the other location she was referring to is owned by the same person, which means the same rules apply there, as well.)

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Wrong Type Of Insurance

, , | Right | November 1, 2019

(One of our clients has home damage and is filing a claim. He hands in the damage report personally at the office. My colleague scans it and puts it through to the corresponding department. My coworker picks up the claim and the report. He flips through the report and his eyes grow.)

Coworker: “Is… is this the right file?”

Me: “How come?”

Coworker: “This is an autopsy report!”

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Jehovah’s Witless, Part 17

, , , | Friendly | October 30, 2019

(We used to get Jehovah’s Witnesses to our door. After this interaction, they stopped visiting us.)

Jehovah’s Witness: “Hi. Do you believe in Jesus, and did you know he died for your sins, too?”

Me: “He did? Well, then I really must commit a few more sins; otherwise, he might have died in vain.”

Related:
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 16
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 15
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 14

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