Revenge Is Always The Real Thing

, , , , , | Working | August 27, 2018

I am the only IT employee at a primary school. This means it’s my task to keep servers and workstations up and running, and to create accounts for new teachers to log in, giving them email addresses and setting their passwords.

It is the end of summer holidays, and next week the new school year will start.

I’m very busy with a lot of work. It’s also still very hot weather, so I’m really looking forward to taking a break and having my ice-cold [soda].

I go to the fridge where I have stored my drink. My drink isn’t there, but there’s a note that Tom was thirsty, so he had my drink, and I should see him and try to get my money back.

I’m angry and go looking for the guy. I meet the manager of the school with someone I haven’t seen before. Turns out it’s Tom, and he’s a new teacher.

I decide to confront him here and now about my drink. I hand him his note and tell him he owes me 25 Euros. He looks at me and smiles and says it’s ridiculous.

I tell him that no, it’s not, because I need compensation for the time it will take me to get out and buy another drink, and the wear and tear on my car during the process. So he needs to pay up or regret it.

He stills thinks I’m joking. The boss looks worried but says nothing. Okay, fine, Tom. But you’ll be begging me to take your money.

He thinks I can’t touch him. I walk away.

And from that moment, my fun begins and I become his personal System Administrator from Hell.

As I’m told, I create his email account for him. Password: J3rk&Th!ef.

Every single time he logs in to his PC, there is a [soda] commercial song blaring through his speakers. All his documents have, “I steal from my coworkers,” automatically added as a line at the top and bottom of each page. Documents he save mysteriously disappear and reappear with, “I’m a thief,” added to the title.

It doesn’t take long before he comes to see me. Without a word, he hands me 25 Euros.

At the end of the school year, he leaves to go to another school where a friend of mine is the System Administrator. My friend calls me to talk about a new teacher at his school that is ever so courteous and pleasant to work with.

Laptop Flop, Part 24

, , , | Working | August 26, 2018

(In our office, you can borrow laptops at the reception. We used to have about fifteen, but over time laptops vanished, even from locked cabinets, and we now only have four left. It upsets me as head receptionist, mostly because other people are quite indifferent about it, including management. The service desk also refuses to change the reservation system, so you could technically still reserve fifteen laptops. To avoid more reservations than laptops, I reserve eleven laptops myself until the end of the year, with the notification: “Laptop unavailable.”)

Coworker: “I need laptops for a training course.”

Me: “Sure, have you already reserved them yourself?”

Coworker: “Yes, I managed to reserve four, but I need more.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have four left.”

Coworker: “But why?”

Me: “Because they keep on vanishing, even from locked cabinets.”

Coworker: “Now that’s weird. You should get some new ones, then.”

Me: “Management doesn’t want to, sorry.”

Coworker: “Then how am I supposed to give my training?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we only have four left. It’s all we have.”

Coworker: “You should have made that clear in the reservation system, then.”

Me: “That’s why I put down, ‘laptop unavailable.'”

Coworker: “Yeah, but it says that every day. How am I supposed to know those laptops are actually gone?”

Laptop Flop, Part 23
Laptop Flop, Part 22
Laptop Flop, Part 21

We Need To Have Words

, , , , | Learning | August 26, 2018

(I am in a social studies class. The teacher is explaining some very difficult words, and even repeats them a few times. After explaining them three times, she asks the class if anyone still doesn’t know any of the words she explained. Nobody answers, so she runs an oral pop quiz.)

Teacher: “[Student], when we talk about [certain case], which term do we need to use?”

Student: *obviously guesses* “[Term #1]?

Teacher: “No, that isn’t correct.”

Student: *guessing again* “[Term #2]?

Teacher: “Exactly. Do you know why?”

Student: “No, what the h*** does that word even mean?”

(Unsurprisingly, he failed that class miserably.)

Cheating You By The Hour

, , , , , , , | Legal | August 25, 2018

We had a cleaning lady who came by every week. Things started off rocky when, after her first visit, she left a note asking if we could “tidy up” more before she came and maybe vacuum, as well. We were like, “Excuse us? That’s what you are for.”

So, we let it slide, and for a few months things went well. We would leave the money on the counter, she would come in while we were at work — we gave her a key when we hired her — and she would clean, take the money, and leave.

But after a few months, my husband lost his job. Because it was only temporary, we decided to keep on the cleaner rather than fire her and rehire once he had a new job. During that period, whenever the cleaner came over my husband would go out swimming or something until she had finished.

One day, however, circumstances were such that he came home after only two hours. Lo and behold, the cleaner had left, taking the full four hours’ worth of money with her!

The next week, my husband returned early again, planning to claim he “forgot something,” and after only an hour and a half she was gone already. We called her asking for an explanation. She claimed she had to “pick up her child from work” and that “she didn’t take any breaks so she finished early.”

Now, you can take as many breaks as you want, but if you are being paid for four hours of work, that doesn’t mean you get to skip off after two hours and leave stuff unfinished.

After a few more repeats of this, we decided to fire her. I told my husband to wait until the next time she came over, hand her the money for that day, request our key back, and tell her not to come back.

Sadly, he’s a bit spineless and prefers to avoid confrontation, so he fired her over social media and asked her to bring by the key.

Two weeks went by and there was no word from the cleaner and no key. We started to get somewhat worried, as we live in an apartment building, and that key opens the main entrance and the shared garage. As such, if one of the keys is unaccounted for, all the locks in the building have to be replaced, costing upwards of 10,000 euros.

Since we willingly gave the key away, our insurance wouldn’t cover it and we were liable. In a last-ditch attempt, we call our legal insurance — basically insurance that supplies a lawyer when you need one.

We explained the situation, and they told us that technically this didn’t fall under our coverage, but they were having a quiet day, so they’d give the cleaner a call.

That evening the cleaner called us, panicking because a lawyer claiming to represent us had left her a voicemail claiming to investigate a lost key. She then claimed that she mailed our house key, by post, and it must have gotten lost in the mail. She promised that she would call the mail company in the morning to ask them to investigate.

We were livid at this point, as truly nobody could be so stupid or careless as to mail a key to the house it unlocks. Two days later, she called and claimed that the post office had miraculously found our key and mailed it back to her. If there was the tiniest chance she was telling the truth, that spoiled it right there; no way in hell the post office is that fast or efficient.

She asked if she could come by that evening to drop it off and insisted we take a picture of her handing it over as proof.

And that is how our lawyer saved us 10,000 euros and helped us catch a crooked cleaner in the act.

Messing Up Any Future Prospects

, , , , | Right | August 24, 2018

(The school groups coming to our history park usually leave lots of trash and litter behind; many kids don’t seem to care. Therefore, picking up the litter is part of the daily routine. On a normal school day, we start with it after the gladiator show in the arena. This day, however, a group of three boys has left an extreme amount of litter on their bank in the arena. When everyone is leaving the arena, my colleagues and I notice this.)

Me: *quietly, to my colleague* “I wish I could have caught them. I would have made them clean the entire arena.”

(I leave the arena to take off my Roman armour and come back to the arena to join my colleague with picking up the litter.)

Colleague: “Those boys came back, you know. They forgot something.”

Me: “Really? So sad I missed them.”

Colleague: “Oh, I asked them to clean up their own mess. But then their teacher arrived and said, ‘Hey, hurry up; we have to get to the bus.’”

Me: “And what did you say?”

Colleague: “I said they were cleaning up the mess they made. But then she said, ‘But that’s why you are here, isn’t it?’ And she left with them.”

(If teachers teach kids it’s okay to throw around your trash and let others clean it up for you, I’m really worried about the future of this world.)

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