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To Be Fair, Ice Cream Always Makes Me Thirsty

, , , , | Working | October 27, 2021

It’s very warm out and I just got off work, so I decide to get a small treat for myself and my family and stop by a local fast food place.

Me: “Hi! Could I get three [specialty flavour] milkshakes?”

Cashier: “Sure! Would you like to have a drink with that?”

Half a second passes, in which both of us process what she just said, before she turns beet red.

Cashier: “I’m so sorry, I was on autopilot. It just popped out!”

Luckily, she was able to laugh about it with me when I cracked up!

Sounds Like They Need Life Insurance, Too

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2021

I work in customer service for a healthcare insurance company. Healthcare insurance is mandatory in the Netherlands, so everyone has it — except if you object because of religious reasons, but then you have to pay for every form of care yourself, which is extremely expensive.

Because it is mandatory, we get a lot of calls from people asking what actually gets covered and what doesn’t get covered by their insurance, as they haven’t really looked it up. A lot of weird things get covered at this time, including stuff like reincarnation therapy and bleaching your teeth, so nothing really surprises me.

Me: “Hi, [Healthcare Insurance Company]. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Hi. I was wondering if installing a new cover for my chair will get covered by my insurance? I pay a lot, you know.”

I look it up in the system, and guess what, there is actually a way to get this compensated.

Me: “Do you perhaps need a chair cover that’s made of anti-allergic material? Because that would get covered as long as you can provide a doctor’s note showing you are extremely or deathly allergic to certain materials and need a special cover.”

Caller: “No, I am not. The chair is dirty and needs a new cover.”

Me: “Ah, I’m afraid that won’t be covered by healthcare insurance. I’m sorry.”

The caller suddenly starts screaming at the top of her lungs.

Caller: “You are killing my son! You are killing him!

Me: “I’m sorry, is your son allergic? I don’t understand—”

Caller: “My son won’t eat if he’s sitting on a dirty f****** chair! If he doesn’t eat, he dies! You’re killing him!

Me: “Um… I…”

Caller: “I cannot change the chair cover myself as I am rheumatic, so you had better make sure I will get a new cover compensated and installed!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but it would only get covered if you or your son were extremely or deadly allergic to—”

Caller:No! You will get this compensated for me!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but that’s not possible. I don’t want to sound rude, but isn’t it possible to ask a friend or family member to change—”

Caller:You are the reason my son will be dead soon! You are a child killer! I hope you die!*Click*

Either teach your son that sitting on a dirty chair is no reason to stop eating or ask someone else to change the cover for you. Let him sit on the couch, instead, or buy a new chair. There are so many solutions; wishing someone dead is not one of them!

Email Fail: The Golden Years

, , , | Right | October 19, 2021

One of my jobs is taking in email addresses sent in by the clients of a pension fund. Obviously, not every client has an email address. Some people, after all, don’t own a computer, especially some of the elderly. These are some of the replies about this.

Client #1: “I cannot afford an email address on my pension!”

Client #2: “Are you mad? You really think I want a computer? There is so much hacking! Computers can’t be trusted!”

Client #3: “I don’t own a computer! I’m over seventy! Show some respect to elder people!”

I’d say that it would be far more disrespectful to automatically assume that all people over seventy do not own a computer, but who am I to judge?

Email Fail, Part 34
Email Fail, Part 33
Email Fail, Part 32
Email Fail, Part 31
Email Fail, Part 30

Taking A Right Turn Into A Valuable Lesson

, , , , | Learning | October 12, 2021

I’m one of those people who often have trouble telling their left from their right. Sometimes I have no trouble at all, but most of the time when someone directs me to the right I go left, and vice versa, with complete confidence until someone calls me back and sets me straight. I’m a little worried about this when I start taking driving lessons, as I’m a perfectionist and have gotten in trouble because of this “handicap”, but thankfully, my driving instructor has a habit of pointing to where he wants me to go. One day, however…

Driving Instructor: “At the next intersection, I want you to turn left.”

He does not point this time. I just say okay and make the requested turn… or so I think.

Driving Instructor: “Okay, you executed that turn very well, but I told you to go to the left, and you turned right instead.”

I start apologizing profusely and manage to stammer that I can’t always tell left from right. I expect the same telling-off I have gotten in the past from teachers or others for “not paying attention,” but instead, he reassures me.

Driving Instructor: “It’s okay; lots of students have trouble with left and right. The point isn’t getting the directions right but driving safely. You can take a wrong turn anytime, even on the exam, and it won’t be a big deal as long as you don’t panic and try to correct in an unsafe way. Every driver makes mistakes, but as long as you don’t endanger yourself or others making them or trying to correct them, it doesn’t really matter. Okay?”

Me: “Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Thanks.”

Driving Instructor: “No problem. That’s why I’m here. Just make sure to mention it during your exam so they know to point the directions, and remember to stay calm. Now, I think this has given us a nice opportunity to practice U-turns, so pick a spot.”

I mulled that speech over for a while, and it really made me less nervous while driving because I realized I didn’t have to be perfect, just safe. That lesson made its way into other parts of my life, as well, and I became much less of a perfectionist, which made my life quite a bit easier. All because I turned right instead of left. Oh, and I passed my driving exam, too.

Sounds Like She Doesn’t Need To Get Higher

, , , | Right | October 11, 2021

I’m doing my weekly grocery shop at 8:00 am. I see an older lady doing her shopping and she comes out of the store with a cart, which holds about twelve bottles of wine and nothing else. She ends up in front of the elevator. She walks toward it, goes back, looks at it, and turns around. She spots me and walks toward me.

Customer: “I, eh… don’t know how it works.”

Me: *Confused* “Oh, well… you press that button and…”

Customer: “Oh, but I’ll have no idea where I will end up!”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, you—”

Customer: “I’ll just take the escalator.”

This escalator is more of a flat surface, so it’s easy to go up with a cart.

Me: “Eh… okay, then, I guess…”

I am confused: first, because she does not seem to know how an elevator works, and second, because I thought she asked for assistance and now she’s completely ignoring me.

I just go up on the escalator and I see the lady again. She needs to go up one more floor, but that floor can either be reached through the staircase escalator or the elevator. She looks a bit… panicked. 

Customer: “I… I have no choice but to take that elevator, right?”

Me: “Yeah, if you need to go up… Let’s press this button for you.”

Customer: “But how will I get out?”

Me: “Don’t worry. See those doors over there? Those will open when you get up. Now, remember, you are at ‘-1’ now, so you will need to press the ‘0’ button, to go up.”

Customer: “The ‘0’?”

Me: “Yes, I know it sounds weird. The grocery store is in the basement, we are now at ‘-1’, the garage, and ‘0’ is the ground surface with all the other stores.

The doors opened and the lady went in. I once again mentioned that she needed to press the ‘0.’ I could have joined her, but confined small spaces worry me. I hurried up the other escalator, and when I got up, the doors opened and the lady walked out. She acted like nothing was amiss. She even seemed to ignore me.

I don’t know if she was confused, but her responses did confuse me.