Last Day Lolz

, , , , , | Working | November 13, 2019

(Working the late hours in a supermarket, the atmosphere can get pretty casual. About ten minutes before closing, some coworkers call over the PA system.)

PA: “Could [Manager] come to the dairy section, please? [Manager], please come to the dairy section.”

(A minute later…) 

PA: “Could [Manager] come to fruits and vegetables, please? [Manager], please come to fruits and vegetables.”

(About 20 seconds later…)

PA: “Could [Manager] come to the registers, please? [Manager], please come to the registers.”

(My coworker and I share a look and suddenly it clicks. It’s [Manager]’s last day! She is pretty popular in part because she is quite hands-off but supportive when needed. Since she doesn’t like being in the spotlight, she didn’t get a goodbye party, but now everyone wants to say goodbye to her in person. There’s an apparent wave of realization going through the store as everyone department joins in calling her over. Some are even getting creative, like calling her to the roof. As I walk back from our little office cubicle to call her over, a customer addresses my coworker:)

Customer: “Oh, my God, that poor manager! Does she have to run the store all by herself?!”

(My coworker doubled over from laughter and when I explained it to the customer she also got a big smile.)

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Two Minutes Of Agony

, , , | Right | November 12, 2019

(Our customer service deals both with emails and calls, and you are either scheduled on email or call. You are not supposed to do the other when scheduled for one.)

Caller: “I want to know when I will get my money!”

Me: “All right, let’s pull up your file. I don’t see any money ready to be transferred; what is this about?”

Caller: “I was asked to sign a slip and then I would get money because of [case].”

Me: “Ah, I understand. But I don’t see the slip in your file. When did you send it?”

Caller: “I already sent it!”

Me: “But when?”

Caller: “I already sent it; why is it not in my file?!”

Me: “Maybe you can resend it and I can see if the email arrives this time?” *which I am not supposed to do, but hey, service and all*

Caller: “But I already send it two minutes ago!”

Me: “Two minutes ago? You send the first email two minutes ago?”

(And look what just popped up in our mailbox!)

Me: “I got your slip, miss. I will put it through to our financial department for you.”

Caller: “Good. So, when will I get my money?”

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A Shot Of Ignorance

, , , , | Healthy | November 11, 2019

(One evening, I get the call every person with an elderly relative fears: my 90+ grandma has fallen down and can’t get up. Luckily, she ended up next to the phone; she actually tripped as she was walking over to it because it was ringing. Since everyone else in our small family is either on vacation, not on speaking terms with Grandma, or living in a nursing home on the other side of town and not in possession of a driving license — or their full mental faculties — I am the only one who can help her out. I race over, hoping it’s just a case of having to help her up because she is in an awkward position, but as soon as I walk in the door and see the unnatural angle of her leg, I know we have a fracture on our hands and have to go to the hospital. We end up in an examination room at the ER, waiting for either the x-ray nurse or the neurologist, whoever shows up first. The neurologist has been called because Grandma hit her head on the stone windowsill when she fell, which caused a small wound and a bit of blood. That wound is the cause of the following conversation with a very chipper ER doctor.)

Doctor: “Well, Mrs. [Grandma], I know you’re waiting for the x-ray nurse and the neurologist, but I’m neither; I’m just here to give you a little tetanus shot.”

(My grandma is neither stupid nor suffering from dementia, but she has never had more than an elementary-school education, and apparently, she never learned what a tetanus shot is, leading to this little gem:)

Grandma: “A tetanus shot? What is that for?”

Doctor: “Well, ma’am, that’s for what we call ‘street dirt’–“

Grandma: *interrupting indignantly* “Street dirt? I fell inside my own home!”

(She sounds like she thinks what the doctor said is the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard, and he and I simply couldn’t contain our laughter. The doctor gives a brief explanation of what a tetanus shot is for, but too brief, apparently, because as soon as he is out the door…)

Grandma: “[My Name], what was all that about? I don’t get it. My house is clean!”

(I gave her a much more expansive explanation of germs, and why even her nice clean house wasn’t free of them. She was pretty horrified, but finding out her femur was broken soon took precedence. She could laugh about it later, though, when I mimicked her indignant tone. She almost sounded insulted at being associated with any kind of dirt.)

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Doesn’t Score A Five

, , | Right | November 9, 2019

(As a baker, we sell cheese snacks. We sell them in bags of five for €3,95 and for €0,85 per piece. A customer approaches me, handing me five bags.)

Me: “That’ll be €19,75, please.”

Customer: “No, it’s €3,95.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the €3.95 price is five pieces, not five bags.”

Customer: “Well, then you shouldn’t have put it on the sign!” *storms off angrily*

(You have no idea how often I have this conversation.)

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Careful That You Don’t Catch WiFitis  

, , , , | Right | November 8, 2019

About ten years ago, I was a starting manager at a popular fast food location on a Saturday and had to close for the night. I had some issues with an employee during the closing shift, but that’s not for today. When I was finished with all my duties, I tried to set the inner alarm one hour later at 3:15, but after a minute, it went off. So, I had to turn it off and answer the call from the security company, and I had to direct them to my supervisor for the secret question. This went on three times, and then it was escalated to the restaurant manager. He called me to let me know to not set the alarm for the inner area, as I locked the door and the alarm would be set for the outer area in about 30 minutes by the cleaning crew. 

Around 3:30, I wanted to go to my bike to head home. That’s when I noticed a car with a running engine, standing in the dark next to my bike. Because it’s considered a security risk — due to a possible robbery — it was procedure to stay inside and call the local police. They were on site with three cars within five minutes. They had one regular police van, a car with a spotlight and a camera, and a car with a dog handler. The officer on the phone asked me to stay inside and turn on the drive-thru microphone so the police on site could contact me without me getting in danger, and to stay away from the windows, so I did. 

On the cameras in the management office — in the inner alarm area — I saw an officer talk to somebody in the car, and after a while, a guy came out. The dog handler took his dog and let it search the car and the area around it. After a while, the officer came to the drive-thru microphone and began to speak to me. The guy was a businessman, and he was using our free WiFi to watch porn at night because the WiFi at the hotel was paid. 

Within a month, all restaurants had a feature installed that closed down the free WiFi an hour after their scheduled closing times.

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