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His Mind Is Like A Computer That Never Stops Typing

, , , , , | Learning | December 11, 2021

I have a new student for swimming classes who is a big chatterbox. He has trouble keeping his mouth shut for, like, two minutes.

Child: “I went to the doctor today and they say I have HDD!”

Me: “HDD? Perhaps they meant ADHD?”

Child: “Yes, that, too! I have ADHD and HDD!”

Me: “Are you really sure? Not just ADHD? “

Child: “Yes, absolutely sure! I talk a lot because of HDD!”

We went on with class and another teacher joined me.

Teacher: “HDD? Is that a new kind of thing?”

Me: “No, he just has ADHD.”

Teacher: “How come?”

Me: “An HDD is an internal hard drive. I doubt he has one of those installed.”

I later found out that HDD does exist as a disorder and I really, really hope the kid doesn’t have that.

Man, This Guy Is Just COLD

, , , , , | Romantic | December 10, 2021

In the winter of 2020, we have snow for the first time in years. My boyfriend suggests a late-night walk in the freshly fallen snow. I like snow for its prettiness, but I severely dislike the cold that comes with it; it wreaks havoc on my rheumatism, causing severe pain in my back. But I shake it off and go with him on this walk… where he continuously throws snowballs in my direction.

Me: “Please don’t throw snowballs at me. My back in particular is really bad today.”

Boyfriend: “But snowball fights are fun! Why do you always dislike fun things? Besides, it’s very powdery snow; it can’t possibly hurt you.”

Me: “That’s beside the point. I just asked you if you couldn’t throw snow at me, please.” 

Boyfriend: “But… it’s fun!”

He continues to throw snow in my direction, telling me he isn’t aiming to hit me and calling me paranoid. Then, a snowball hits me square between the shoulder blades, and it literally feels like I’m being stabbed with a huge, blunt knife, so I yell out in pain. 

Boyfriend: “Oh, come on. That couldn’t have hurt!” 

Me: *In tears* “How would you feel if I punched you in the back again and again and again and told you to grow a pair?” 

I storm off, trying to avoid further arguments and longing for a hot shower to relieve the pain. He has the house key, however, and I don’t, so I’m forced to wait by the front door for him. I’m still shaking with rage, cold and hurt, when he catches up to me. 

Boyfriend: “So, are you done with your little tantrum? I was trying to have a nice evening out, and I can’t help if every tiny little thing hurts you. It ruins things for me, you know.”

File under reason number 2978972 why he’s my ex now.

We’re Surprised The Car Even Had An Engine

, , | Right | December 9, 2021

I work at a company that offers roadside assistance insurance. We cover the roadside assistance and some additional stuff, but not the repairs at the garage. Repatriation of the car is very expensive, so it only happens if the value of the car outweighs the costs.

A client has called in, sounding very surprised.

Client: “The garage isn’t willing to repair my car!”

We take down the car information and discover that the client is on a trip and they had bought the car for the staggering amount of… fifty euros!

Me: “Sir, this isn’t worth repatriating.”

Caller: “But I have coverage!”

Me: “Sir, if someone was willing to sell a car to you for fifty euros, the seller either knew it was worthless anyway, or they were a heroin junkie.”

Grief Is A Deep Pool

, , , , , | Related | December 2, 2021

My grandmother recently fell and things are looking grim. It will probably be a matter of days. Despite my dad being her son, she didn’t appoint him as “next of kin.” Instead, my grandmother appointed her daughter as the first point of contact. This is fine; she could only list one and she had a great relationship with her daughter.

My grandmother passes at 6:00 am. My dad is a volunteer at the swimming club and his first lessons start at 8:00 am, and his first break is around 10:00 am. My family knows this; he’s been doing this for twenty years now. 

At 10:00 am, he checks his phone and sees a missed call. He calls back and gets my cousin on the line. He is informed that his mother passed away. My cousin then gives this gem.

Cousin: “We couldn’t reach you! Why couldn’t we reach you? Why didn’t you pick up?”

Dad: “I was in the pool.”

Cousin: “You should have had your phone with you; you knew Grandmother was doing bad.”

Dad: “I know, but I was in waist-deep water.”

Cousin: “You should have taken your phone with you!”

Dad changed the subject. My cousin was probably grieving, but it’s a bit silly to expect a swimming instructor, who is supposed to keep an eye on little children, to have their phone with them in waist-deep water.

About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 7

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2021

I’m sitting in the waiting room at my dentist’s office. I’m the only one there, so it’s quiet, and the receptionist is just a few meters away, so I can hear her clearly. I also can’t really tune out other people’s conversations, so when she picks up the phone, I can’t help but overhear the following conversation, or at least her part of it.

It appears the caller wants to cancel his appointment, which is in about three hours, but he’s not really happy with the office policies.

Receptionist: “[Dentist Office], how may I help you?”

Pause.

Receptionist: “All right, sir, but because you are cancelling your appointment less than twenty-four hours in advance, we will have to bill you for the time.”

She’s not talking about applying a cancellation fee, which I’ve never heard a Dutch dentist apply, but apparently, this is a thing in some other countries; she just means the standard consultation fee which he would’ve been billed for anyway, and which his insurance will most likely cover.

Having health insurance is mandatory in the Netherlands, and people get an allowance from the government to help pay for it, so it’s not like she’s saying he’s going to lose more money than he would’ve otherwise.

There is a pause but with some irate muttering becoming audible even to me.

Receptionist: “Because we’ve scheduled an amount of time for you so the dentist can see you, and we can’t reschedule this on such short notice, so during what would be your appointment, the dentist can’t see other patients, meaning you still take up his time. That’s why we’ll still have to bill you for it. That’s just standard policy, sir.”

It sounds reasonable to me, but apparently not to the caller.

Receptionist: *More firmly now* “Yes, sir, we will bill you for it.”

Pause.

Receptionist: *Starting to sound a little exasperated* “Because ‘I don’t feel like it’ is not a good enough excuse, sir.”

Longer pause.

Receptionist: “Yes, we will bill you for it.” *Short pause, like she’s cutting him off* “Yes, we will.”

Pause.

Receptionist: *Suddenly a lot more cheerful* “All right, then, sir, so we will see you at three o’clock this afternoon? Okay, good, see you then. Have a nice day!”

She hangs up, bursts out laughing, and walks over to the open door nearby.

Receptionist: “Did you get that?”

Person In Other Room: *Also laughing* “Yes! Did he really want to cancel because he wasn’t in the mood?”

At that point, I was called up for my own appointment, so I left the receptionist laughing with her colleague. I was chuckling all afternoon, but I was also impressed with how deftly she handled that.

Related:
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 6
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 5
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 4
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 3
About To Be Dis-Appointed, Part 2