Something To Beer-ate You On

, , , | Right | August 31, 2018

(I sell coffee, cookies, and other assorted foods and drinks on trains. My colleagues also sell beer, but since I’m underage, I am not allowed to. A customer gestures to an empty half-litre can of beer, and asks for another.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I am not allowed to carry alcohol in public locations, being under-aged.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! A colleague of yours also wouldn’t sell me any beer because they were Muslim. What sense does that make?”

Me: “I’m sorry that you feel this way, sir, but you shouldn’t judge someone for their religious beliefs, I think.”

Customer: “I’m not judging them, but I mean, what are you doing with your life if you’re thirty and won’t even sell someone a beer?”

Me: “Sir, look at it this way. I won’t sell you alcohol because of my age; my colleague won’t sell you alcohol because of their religion. It’s nearly the same.”

(The customer accepted defeat and waves me off. What I’m wondering is how someone could judge another when they themselves need three-quarters of a litre of a beer before four pm?)

A Bird In The Tree Is Worth Two In The Bush

, , , , , | Friendly | August 28, 2018

(Our office has closed but I have some things to finish. We have a monitor that shows the camera feed to our parking lot. It’s a normal parking lot: a lot of tiles with a few scrawny trees here and there. I suddenly notice on the feed a woman with four kids, digging near one of our trees on the parking lot. I leave my station to go to the caretaker of the building, a retired police officer.)

Me: “Someone is digging at one of our trees.”

Caretaker: “I’m sorry, I think I misheard you. You said something about digging?”

Me: “You heard right! Someone is digging at one of our trees.”

(When we walk together to the tree, the mother and children have already left. I pass a coworker who saw very little, but did notice one of the children was crying. The caretaker carefully shuffles in the sand of the tree with his shoe, but sees nothing.)

Me: “Wait, what is that?!”

Caretaker: “Oh, just a feather.”

Me: “No, over there. You just covered it with dirt again. It’s… it’s… a parakeet?! They buried their parakeet here?!”

(I know this block doesn’t have much green, but to bury your passed-away parakeet at the parking lot of an office is beyond my comprehension. We buried the parakeet again, by the way. The tree and the bird will be best buddies.)

Revenge Is Always The Real Thing

, , , , , | Working | August 27, 2018

I am the only IT employee at a primary school. This means it’s my task to keep servers and workstations up and running, and to create accounts for new teachers to log in, giving them email addresses and setting their passwords.

It is the end of summer holidays, and next week the new school year will start.

I’m very busy with a lot of work. It’s also still very hot weather, so I’m really looking forward to taking a break and having my ice-cold [soda].

I go to the fridge where I have stored my drink. My drink isn’t there, but there’s a note that Tom was thirsty, so he had my drink, and I should see him and try to get my money back.

I’m angry and go looking for the guy. I meet the manager of the school with someone I haven’t seen before. Turns out it’s Tom, and he’s a new teacher.

I decide to confront him here and now about my drink. I hand him his note and tell him he owes me 25 Euros. He looks at me and smiles and says it’s ridiculous.

I tell him that no, it’s not, because I need compensation for the time it will take me to get out and buy another drink, and the wear and tear on my car during the process. So he needs to pay up or regret it.

He stills thinks I’m joking. The boss looks worried but says nothing. Okay, fine, Tom. But you’ll be begging me to take your money.

He thinks I can’t touch him. I walk away.

And from that moment, my fun begins and I become his personal System Administrator from Hell.

As I’m told, I create his email account for him. Password: J3rk&Th!ef.

Every single time he logs in to his PC, there is a [soda] commercial song blaring through his speakers. All his documents have, “I steal from my coworkers,” automatically added as a line at the top and bottom of each page. Documents he save mysteriously disappear and reappear with, “I’m a thief,” added to the title.

It doesn’t take long before he comes to see me. Without a word, he hands me 25 Euros.

At the end of the school year, he leaves to go to another school where a friend of mine is the System Administrator. My friend calls me to talk about a new teacher at his school that is ever so courteous and pleasant to work with.


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Laptop Flop, Part 24

, , , | Working | August 26, 2018

(In our office, you can borrow laptops at the reception. We used to have about fifteen, but over time laptops vanished, even from locked cabinets, and we now only have four left. It upsets me as head receptionist, mostly because other people are quite indifferent about it, including management. The service desk also refuses to change the reservation system, so you could technically still reserve fifteen laptops. To avoid more reservations than laptops, I reserve eleven laptops myself until the end of the year, with the notification: “Laptop unavailable.”)

Coworker: “I need laptops for a training course.”

Me: “Sure, have you already reserved them yourself?”

Coworker: “Yes, I managed to reserve four, but I need more.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have four left.”

Coworker: “But why?”

Me: “Because they keep on vanishing, even from locked cabinets.”

Coworker: “Now that’s weird. You should get some new ones, then.”

Me: “Management doesn’t want to, sorry.”

Coworker: “Then how am I supposed to give my training?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we only have four left. It’s all we have.”

Coworker: “You should have made that clear in the reservation system, then.”

Me: “That’s why I put down, ‘laptop unavailable.'”

Coworker: “Yeah, but it says that every day. How am I supposed to know those laptops are actually gone?”

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 23
Laptop Flop, Part 22
Laptop Flop, Part 21

We Need To Have Words

, , , , | Learning | August 26, 2018

(I am in a social studies class. The teacher is explaining some very difficult words, and even repeats them a few times. After explaining them three times, she asks the class if anyone still doesn’t know any of the words she explained. Nobody answers, so she runs an oral pop quiz.)

Teacher: “[Student], when we talk about [certain case], which term do we need to use?”

Student: *obviously guesses* “[Term #1]?

Teacher: “No, that isn’t correct.”

Student: *guessing again* “[Term #2]?

Teacher: “Exactly. Do you know why?”

Student: “No, what the h*** does that word even mean?”

(Unsurprisingly, he failed that class miserably.)

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