This Sale Is Doomed

, , , | Right | April 20, 2018

(I have been working at this shop for the last two and a half years. We are a cleaning and home shop with seasonal products. This certain shop is well known in the Netherlands, and was in the news a couple months ago because things weren’t going so well. Ever since that fateful week, we have had interesting conversations with people who suddenly feel the need to voice their opinions on what we should sell. Don’t get me wrong; it’s nice to hear them being involved, but at the same time, I just sell the things in the franchise shop of my boss. We aren’t even the office that takes care of it.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. I need a tousle with a telescope pole. You know, those extra-long poles that can turn around.”

Me: “We don’t have those particular tousles with a telescope pole, but we do have this tousle.” *points at the longest tousle we have* “This pole can become around 2.5 meters. That’s plenty to reach a high ceiling.”

Customer: “WELL, I NEED ONE WITH A TELESCOPE POLE!”

Me: *caught off guard by her sudden hostility* “We don’t sell those here. I am sorry, miss. We could look at our Internet shop together; maybe we can order it there.”

Customer: “This shop is going nowhere! How do you think you guys will survive if you don’t even have basic things here?!”

Me: “Before we do anything, we can check our Internet shop on the computer here; it only takes a minute. We might have something this niche on there.”

(In two years, it’s the first time someone has wanted this, so she obviously doesn’t know what she is talking about.)

Customer: *suddenly a lot more quiet* “Oh, dear, it’s not your fault; it’s this shop that is doomed.”

(I’m starting to lose my patience because she is insulting this store. No one has once complained about this shop before the news items, so she is just being a sheep going along with the flock.)

Me: *while faking the most friendly smile I ever have and maintaining eye-contact* “We can look at our Internet shop.”

(She gave up, knowing I wasn’t going to comment on her rude remarks. We spent two minutes on the computer before finding out that the only way she would be getting what she wanted was by buying different pieces, which meant it would be more pricey. She left, saying loudly that she had to go to a competitor’s store. I wished her a nice day, and then flipped her off behind her back without anyone being able to see.)

 

Your Tolerance Is Intolerable

, , , , | Learning | April 13, 2018

(It’s the first week of college and the class takes turns to introduce themselves, using a presentation containing photos of important events and people in our lives, as per assignment. A classmate is presenting and shows a picture of herself and another girl.)

Classmate: “This is my girlfriend and me.” *pauses and gives the class a provocative glance before continuing as normal*

(At the end of the day I find her crying in the hallway.)

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Classmate: “Didn’t you see how they all looked when I mentioned I had a girlfriend? Yes, I’m gay; so what? Why does everyone has to be so judgemental?! I hate this class!”

Me: “I don’t know; I haven’t heard or seen any negative reactions. Personally, I don’t care if someone’s straight or gay. I don’t think anyone in this class cares, to be honest.”

Classmate: “No, they all judged me; I saw it in their eyes. Why can’t I just be accepted for once?” *runs away crying*

(She disappeared from class a few weeks after, claiming she couldn’t take the bullying. No one ever bullied her, ever, for being gay or otherwise.)

Mousing Around The Office

, , , | Working | April 13, 2018

(Our office sometimes allows third parties to rent one of our spare offices. In that office there’s a computer, a big screen, a mouse, a keyboard — pretty much all you need to “plug and play.” I’m the receptionist today.)

Client: “Excuse me, but I can’t find the keyboard and mouse to control the computer.”

Me: “That is odd. There should be a set there.”

Client: “I looked into the cabinets, but I couldn’t find it.”

Me: “Let’s see what I can do. *walks along* “If I can’t find anything, you can use this cable to hook things up with your own laptop.” *turns around* “Or… do you mean that keyboard, in the middle of the table? With the mouse next to it?”

Client: *falls silent for a moment* “I even put my things right next to it.”

(I wished the client good luck with his presentation and let him know where our coffee machine was, in case he couldn’t use a cup… or a mug.)

Do My Dissertation For Me Kthnxbai

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2018

(I answer the phone.)

Me: *in Dutch* “[Institute]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you speak any Dutch?”

Me: *in Dutch* “Yes, ma’am, I do. You have reached [Institute]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “So, you speak some Dutch?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am certified near-native, and I do translation work here at the institute. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Oh… kay, I guess. Well, I’m doing a huge dissertation; I mean a really big one.”

Me: “All right…”

Caller: “It’s about the war.”

Me: “All right…”

Caller: “So, my professor said that your library has a lot about the subject it’s on.”

Me: “That is very likely. You may come during [opening hours] and sign in to access the library.”

Caller: “I want to make an appointment.”

Me: “The library doesn’t work with appointments. You can just come sign in and go right in.”

Caller: “But I want an appointment.”

Me: “I’m sorry. The library doesn’t work with appointments, but you can simply come use it, and the archive. For free.”

Caller: “But I’ve never been there before!”

Me: “All right.”

Caller: *whining* “How will I know what to do?

Me: “There is always someone at the information desk in the library to help visitors navigate the books and archives.”

Caller: “And he will have the time to just work with me until I’m done?”

Me: “Well, no, we cannot provide step-by-step continual personal guidance for each and every visitor, but he will explain how the system works, and how to access the material and request documents, and he will be right there if you have any questions.”

Caller: “But you just said he’ll be there to help me.”

Me: “Yes. He is there to help all of the visitors to the library and archives.”

Caller: “But I need someone to help me! You said he’s there to help me.”

Me: “He is there to help you. He is there to help everyone.”

Caller: *whining* “But what if I can’t find something?”

Me: “Then you go to him.”

Caller: “So, basically everything is incredibly easy to find?”

Me: “Well, you need to use the system, which he will explain in detail when you come in.”

Caller: “I still think I should just make an appointment.”

Me: “The library does not work with appointments, and we do not have anyone on staff who can stop their important research work to spend several hours in the library with each visitor. Please believe me: the system is simple, and there is always someone there to help you.”

Caller: *outright sulking* “Well, I GUESS.” *big sigh* “FINE. I will come use the library. But I still think I should be able to make an appointment so someone can actually help me.” *click*

Spiritually Stone-Faced

, , , , , | Working | April 7, 2018

A new “New Age” shop has opened in town and I go to have a look. I’m not that spiritual, myself, but my father was. He died back in 2005, but since he was a hobby archaeologist and a New Age enthusiast, I often look for special stones to put on his grave when I visit him. I happen to mention that to the woman running the shop and suddenly, she happily says, “Yeah, dead fathers are nice, aren’t they?”

My eyes go wide with shock, and I say, “Excuse me?”

Then she explains how nice it is that fathers always look after their children, even from heaven or the afterlife. I relaxed a bit then, but for real, that’s not something you say like that!

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