I’m a sports coach for teenagers who want to swim but don’t want to do competitions. They just want to swim, swim hard, swim a lot, and swim even more. The group I teach has an average age of seventeen years old, and I’ve taught most of my students for over five years. 

Teaching them can be challenging, as they get bored easily, so I try to make each lesson different from the other one. And if we all have an off day, we just take it easy. 

This time, I decide to see if the kids are up for some childish fun. I make assignments like “If the letter E is in your name, you do [this], and if there isn’t, you do [that],” or, “If there’s black in your swimming gear, do [this], and if not, do [that].” I manage to find combinations where most of the time, half does [this] and the other half does [that]. The kids surprisingly like it a lot.  

As a final assignment, I decide to be cheeky. For the sake of the story, let’s say my name is Amy. 

Me: “All right, last assignment. Just imagine the most beautiful name you know, one you would love to be called yourself. Don’t say it out loud; keep it to yourself! Now… if this name contains an A, an M, or a Y, you do [this]; otherwise, you do [that].”

Most kids don’t hesitate and just do either assignment. One, however, stays behind. 

Me: “Something the matter?

Student: “Aren’t we a bit arrogant today? *Big grin* 

Me: “I was hoping the others would have noticed, as well, but it seems you are the only one! So, as a reward, you may do whatever you want.”

Student: “Nah, I’ll just do [this assignment].”

I love teaching these kids.

I work for a call center. We get a call from someone who claims he is a representative for [Client]. [Client] has no representative listed.

Representative: “[Client] asked me to call because he is sick. He wants a copy of his contract. When can I pick it up?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you are not listed as a representative. I can, however, make a copy of this contract and have it mailed (post) to him. He would have it tomorrow, then.”

Representative: “No, that won’t do. I need it to process an application for him, and I can’t visit him because he’s sick.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry to hear that, but unfortunately, I cannot give copies to people who are not listed as legal representatives. This is why I offered to send it by mail.”

Representative: “That’s ridiculous! I help [Client] all the time! Fine, then just mail it to me.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. The [privacy law] makes it very clear that this type of contract may only be given or sent to the person on the contract, or their legal representatives.”

Representative: “Fine, I am his legal representative.”

Me: “Could you send me the legal proof through email?”

Representative: “Why are you being so difficult?! What harm can it do to send me a sheet of paper?! Just do it!”

Me: “Well, sir, if I would send you this contract, I would not only put my job on the line, but I would also be personally legally liable…”

I just throw in some legal-sounding things because I don’t know the exact legal terms, but I do know that it would get me into a lot of legal trouble and could result in very high fines.

Me: “…if anything happened to the document without the client’s written and legal consent. So, that’s the harm it could do, sir.”

He hung up. I mailed the contract to the client (with a letter explaining why) and made sure to make a note in the client’s file.

We make repair requests for a Housing Service. Sometimes, tenants make us blink twice when we receive their questions.

Tenant: “If you change my locks, will I get the new keys afterward?”

Coworker: “Yes. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to open the door.”

Tenant: “That was a silly question, wasn’t it?”

However, we are not without blame.

Tenant: “When will [item] be fixed?”

Coworker: “It will be fixed ASAP.”

Tenant: “And what is ASAP?”

Coworker: “As soon as possible.”

Tenant: “…And when is as soon as possible?”

I admire the tenant for staying patient and kind.

In The Netherlands, the traditional treat to celebrate a newborn baby is “beschuit met muisjes”, a round cracker (beschuit) with sugar-coated aniseeds (muisjes) — blue for boys and pink for girls.

A man comes through my checkout lane. He looks exhausted. He has eight rolls of beschuit, a tub of butter, and two packs of muisjes, one blue and one pink.

Me: “Congratulations on the twins, sir!”

Customer: “Thanks!” *Pauses for a second* “Wait, how do you know they’re twins?”

I hold up both packs of muisjes.

Me: “A boy and a girl?”

Customer: “Ah.” *Another short pause* “It’s been a long night…”

This happened about seventeen years ago in a major city in the very south of the Netherlands with a Renault dealership.

I had a new job, and we needed a second car. We bought a new Twingo, a car that went for about €12,000. There were two stipulations in the contract when we bought the car. The first was that we had to get financing through Renault. The second was that three years of maintenance were included. We financed a minor part for three years at 0% interest.

After the first year, I took the car for its first service. I had about 12,000 km on the odometer. When I dropped the car off, I was asked if there was anything that needed attention. I think I answered something like, “Do whatever you need to do…”

In the late afternoon when I picked up the car, three rather bulky men were standing behind the service desk. I remember that they were really focused on me when I was presented with the bill. The bill was for about €1,000. And for a one-year-old car with just 12,000 km! I immediately understood what had happened. They must have figured that they could inflate the bill with all kinds of nonsense maintenance actions since I had given them carte blanche, and to avoid any troubles, they made sure that I could be intimidated by having three people present.

Me: *Very friendly* “May I have my car key, please?”

Representative: “But you have to pay first!”

Me: “No, I don’t. Please may I have my car keys?”

Instead of enlightening them straight away, I kept going like this for a bit longer.

When things started to get a bit unfriendly, I reminded the representative that I had bought the car at this dealership, including three years of maintenance. All three guys turned a few shades paler. They frantically searched for the contract, whispering, and eventually moving away to the office out of earshot.

It took about ten minutes before the representative came back out and handed me my keys.

I ended up getting its third service just before the three years had elapsed, and as soon as I got the title to the car, I traded it in for a car of a different brand. And as you would expect, the bill for the second and third services was less than €300 to €400.