We’ll Sit In The Ong-Back

, , , | Working | June 14, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are traveling in Thailand, and we decide to try and see a muay-thai match, so we go to a nearby stadium. At the ticket window, we check the prices, and decide on third-class for $20 instead of first for $60.)

Me: *tapping the seat chart, since my Thai isn’t great* “Third, please.”

(The ticket-seller glances at us, clearly the only white people in line, and also taps the chart.)

Ticket-Seller: “First.”

Me: “No, third.”

Ticket-Seller: “Farang—” *white people* “—always sit in first.”

Me: “We want tickets for third-class, please.”

Ticket-Seller: “But there will be Thai people there!”

Me: “I hope so; we’re in Thailand!”

(Third-class seats turned out to be perfectly comfortable, and everyone was too busy cheering the athletes on to notice or care about the white couple cheering, too. As an added bonus, my boyfriend checked out the first-class area in his way back from the bathroom, and it turned out they were selling the same beer for twice the price!)

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Baht Nothing

, , , , , , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I am at a cafe at the departure lounge of the airport, queueing up behind some tourists heading home. Note: All the notes and coins are clearly marked.)

Tourist: “How much is this bottled water?”

Cashier: “It’s [amount], ma’am.”

Tourist: *shoving some change at the cashier* “Here.”

Cashier: “So sorry, but you are short by [amount].”

Tourist: *gives a note* “Fine. Here. I don’t understand your currency. I want my change in [Home Country’s currency].”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can only give you change in Thai Baht.”

Tourist: “This is outrageous! What kind of place is this that you can’t give me change in [Home Country’s currency]?!”

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Learning Vietnamese Should Only Take A Day

, , , , , | Working | December 3, 2017

(I’m getting a SIM card in Thailand. I am ethnic Chinese with an American passport. I am learning Vietnamese so I put my phone to Vietnamese. Though I can only read 10%, I am trying to force myself to learn the rest, since I generally know what it should say. The conversation is in English unless stated.)

Employee: “Passport, please, and your phone?”

Me: “Here you go.”

Employee: *in Vietnamese* “SIM card… inside…”

Me: *in Vietnamese* “Oh, my Vietnamese isn’t very good.” *in English* “English, please?”

Employee: “Idiot. Then why use Vietnamese phone?!” *rolls eyes*

Me: *pause* “I’m learning it, too? I’m still a beginner.”

Employee: “Not good enough. If you learn it, learn it well!”

(He continued to glare at me, so I quickly got it done and left. I’m not sure what his problem was; perhaps some political/ethnicity nonsense?)

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Well Done On Getting It Well Done

, , , | Working | September 26, 2017

(My family is on holiday. We decide to have breakfast at the hotel restaurant. As English is not the native language there, we have a few communication issues. This is the funniest.)

Mum: *hailing a waiter* “Hi, can I have an egg well-done?”

Waiter #1: “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am!”

(He walks off with a big smile, and a few minutes later, the egg hasn’t arrived. My mum hails another waiter.)

Mum: “Hi, can I have an egg well-done?”

Waiter #2: “Thank you very much, ma’am!”

(Before he walks off, my mum decides to ask.)

Mum: “So, how long do I have to wait?”

Waiter #2: “Sorry? Wait?”

Mum: “When can I get my egg?”

Waiter #2: “You want an egg, ma’am?”

Mum: “Yes, a well-done egg.”

Waiter #2: “Oh, thank you, ma’am.”

(The light-bulb goes on for my mum.)

Mum: “No, no, your service is good, but what I want is an egg, cooked both sides. No runny yolk.”

Waiter #2: “Yes, ma’am. I’ll get it for you right away.”

(The egg finally came and we realised that the waiters had thought that my mum was complimenting them at first.)

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The Hard Disk Is About To Be Broken… Over Your Head

, , | Working | August 31, 2017

(My laptop is broken. My husband is pretty good with computers, and after taking a look at it, he finds that the hard disk is fine, but the cord that goes to the hard disk is faulty, so the hard disk cannot send any information to the rest of the computer. I take the laptop into the local repair shop in the mall.)

Me: “Hi, I was wondering if you could fix my laptop. We’ve checked, and the hard disk is fine, but the cord that goes to the hard disk is faulty. Is that something you’d be able to replace?”

Tech: “I don’t know, we’ll check it out. Leave us your number, and we’ll give you a call when we have an answer.”

Me: “Great! How long do you think that will be?”

Tech: “Two weeks.”

(Weeks go by, and I’m getting kind of impatient. I really need the laptop for my work. After four weeks, I go back in.)

Me: “Hi, I left my laptop with you four weeks ago. Do you know yet whether you can fix it?”

Tech: “Please wait.”

(He gets out my laptop and checks it out while I watch.)

Tech: “Your hard disk is broken. You need a new hard disk.”

Me: *frustrated* “No, I don’t. I told you when I came in, we’ve already checked the hard disk and it works fine when it’s connected to other machines. The cord that connects the hard disk is the problem.”

(The tech fiddles around with my laptop some more.)

Tech: *after a while* “The cord that connects the hard disk is broken.”

Me: “….Yes, I know.”

Tech: “…”

Me: “…So can you fix it?”

Tech: “No.”

(They kept my laptop for a month without even looking at it. If they’d taken fifteen minutes to check it right when I brought it in, I could have taken it elsewhere right away and gotten it fixed!)

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