(I am with a tour group of young people in Bangkok. We are on the rotating observation deck of the tallest tower in the country. One of the girls in my group is not the brightest.)
Girl: “So, is it the deck that is rotating or the tower?”
Me: “Actually, neither the deck nor the tower are moving; the entire city rotates around the tower.”
(She didn’t appreciate my remark, but everyone else got a kick out of it.)
(My boyfriend and I are traveling in Thailand, and we decide to try and see a muay-thai match, so we go to a nearby stadium. At the ticket window, we check the prices, and decide on third-class for $20 instead of first for $60.)
Me: *tapping the seat chart, since my Thai isn’t great* “Third, please.”
(The ticket-seller glances at us, clearly the only white people in line, and also taps the chart.)
Ticket-Seller: “First.”
Me: “No, third.”
Ticket-Seller: “Farang—” *white people* “—always sit in first.”
Me: “We want tickets for third-class, please.”
Ticket-Seller: “But there will be Thai people there!”
Me: “I hope so; we’re in Thailand!”
(Third-class seats turned out to be perfectly comfortable, and everyone was too busy cheering the athletes on to notice or care about the white couple cheering, too. As an added bonus, my boyfriend checked out the first-class area in his way back from the bathroom, and it turned out they were selling the same beer for twice the price!)
(I am at a cafe at the departure lounge of the airport, queueing up behind some tourists heading home. Note: All the notes and coins are clearly marked.)
Tourist: “How much is this bottled water?”
Cashier: “It’s [amount], ma’am.”
Tourist: *shoving some change at the cashier* “Here.”
Cashier: “So sorry, but you are short by [amount].”
Tourist: *gives a note* “Fine. Here. I don’t understand your currency. I want my change in [Home Country’s currency].”
Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can only give you change in Thai Baht.”
Tourist: “This is outrageous! What kind of place is this that you can’t give me change in [Home Country’s currency]?!”
(I’m getting a SIM card in Thailand. I am ethnic Chinese with an American passport. I am learning Vietnamese so I put my phone to Vietnamese. Though I can only read 10%, I am trying to force myself to learn the rest, since I generally know what it should say. The conversation is in English unless stated.)
Employee: “Passport, please, and your phone?”
Me: “Here you go.”
Employee: *in Vietnamese* “SIM card… inside…”
Me: *in Vietnamese* “Oh, my Vietnamese isn’t very good.” *in English* “English, please?”
Employee: “Idiot. Then why use Vietnamese phone?!” *rolls eyes*
Me: *pause* “I’m learning it, too? I’m still a beginner.”
Employee: “Not good enough. If you learn it, learn it well!”
(He continued to glare at me, so I quickly got it done and left. I’m not sure what his problem was; perhaps some political/ethnicity nonsense?)
(My family is on holiday. We decide to have breakfast at the hotel restaurant. As English is not the native language there, we have a few communication issues. This is the funniest.)
Mum: *hailing a waiter* “Hi, can I have an egg well-done?”
Waiter #1: “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am!”
(He walks off with a big smile, and a few minutes later, the egg hasn’t arrived. My mum hails another waiter.)
Mum: “Hi, can I have an egg well-done?”
Waiter #2: “Thank you very much, ma’am!”
(Before he walks off, my mum decides to ask.)
Mum: “So, how long do I have to wait?”
Waiter #2: “Sorry? Wait?”
Mum: “When can I get my egg?”
Waiter #2: “You want an egg, ma’am?”
Mum: “Yes, a well-done egg.”
Waiter #2: “Oh, thank you, ma’am.”
(The light-bulb goes on for my mum.)
Mum: “No, no, your service is good, but what I want is an egg, cooked both sides. No runny yolk.”
Waiter #2: “Yes, ma’am. I’ll get it for you right away.”
(The egg finally came and we realised that the waiters had thought that my mum was complimenting them at first.)
